Just lost my soulmate to pneumonia

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Trapisha, Jun 5, 2018.

  1. Trapisha

    Trapisha Registered User

    Nov 28, 2017
    My mom has dementia my husband helped me through it, but he has recently died of aspiration pneumonia
    due to radioi therapy he had 10 years ago for tongue cancer, i am devastated i don't know what to do
    i feel so lonely now and frightened of having to deal with mom alone, don't know if i can get through this
    awful time, it was sudden all happened in a couple of weeks.
  2. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    What a dreadful time for you I am so sorry. Do you have any immediate support either from friends or family for you that you can chat with or ask for their help or visiting carers to help with your mum?
  3. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    West Midlands
    Oh I am so sad to read this. What a shock for you.

    Keeping you in my thoughts and holding your hand tight xxxx
  4. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    I'm so so sorry to read of your news @Trapisha - how terribly tragic.

    I'm glad you've shared your news here - I know you will get support from our members. I wondered if you would want to talk your situation over with someone on the Helpline desk. It is open until 8pm tonight. The phone number is

    0300 222 11 22

    The link is -https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/national-dementia-helpline?_ga=2.164349055.1769454811.1519233588-549088353.1488398070

    Please give them a ring as I'm sure it will help you to talk to them.
  5. Amethyst59

    Amethyst59 Registered User

    Jul 3, 2017
    I am so very sorry for you. It is such a hard thing to go through. So many of us know how you feel, and we will be here to support you.
  6. Rolypoly

    Rolypoly Registered User

    Jan 15, 2018
    I am so sorry to read your sad news. We are here to support you in any way we can, so never feel alone.
  7. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    I`m so sorry @Trapisha. It is more than anyone can be expected to bear.

    I do hope you have someone to help you care for your mum to give you some space to grieve for your husband. If not, please ask your doctor for a referral for help from Social Services.
  8. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    Oh I’m so sorry. My thoughts are with you.
  9. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    N Ireland
    Very sorry to read your news. I wish you strength and my thoughts are with you.

    The help line is a good idea and now is the time to use TP. I'm sure everyone will be here for you.
  10. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.
  11. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    North West
    So sorry to hear this Trapisha. You will find so much support here. Please keep posting.
  12. Norfolk Cherry

    Norfolk Cherry Registered User

    Feb 17, 2018
    Very sorry @Trapisha to hear this. What a shock, I can't imagine how it must feel. Keep us in touch, we are all here to support you. You are in my thoughts.
  13. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    Oh, @Trapisha I'm so sorry. My condolences to you. Difficult enough to bear, without the added fears about your mum. Definitely, think about some help. Would you consider respite for her, even for a week or two, until you are over the initial shock?
  14. Hazara8

    Hazara8 Registered User

    Apr 6, 2015
    At this moment, as with all unexpected events of this nature, everything seems to stand still amidst a very real cloud of despair and utter despondency. The loss of a loved one alone fragments all thinking, dispels all that at one time seemed important in daily life and the pain is felt deep inside and it is a fundamentally personal pain. Yet, from what you have stated here, it is clear that you will get through all of this, as you have bravely, along with your late husband, lived through his cancer. Your mother needs you, despite all the challenging demands of her dementia, and in that natural, yet all so meaningful way, you need her.

    Any bereavement, whether expected or unexpected, remains just that and it is very personal and only you will know just how you feel. And only you will know when that time comes to continue living your life and caring for your mother. But you deserve and must be allowed that space in which to converse with yourself and release all the angst and emotion as and when you see fit. Then, when
    the loneliness and fearfulness dissipates, you might then find that strength to cope is there and has always been there.

    With the warmest of wishes.
  15. MaNaAk

    MaNaAk Registered User

    Jun 19, 2016
    Dear Trapisha,

    Sorry to hear about your sad news and thinking about you and your mum.

    Hugs to you

  16. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    So sorry @Trapisha such a sad loss for you. I hope you have some family or friends who can help you. It is just too much to bear without help. Please keep posting on here, it is a good place and someone will always listen. Thinking of you and wishing you well.
  17. myss

    myss Registered User

    Jan 14, 2018
    Oh @Trapisha I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you have family/friends that you can rely on right now, plus you have this board and the contact details in Izzy's post to sound off on too. I can only guess everything must feel bad right now but, one way or another, you will get through this.

    All the best xx
  18. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Volunteer Host

    Apr 1, 2016
    I'm so sorry to read your terrible news. I hope you have someone there for you.
  19. Starter

    Starter Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    What a terrible time for you. Use Talking Point as much as you need. Everyone is here for you. You obviously have a lot of strength, but we all need as much support as we can get.much love xxx
  20. imsoblue

    imsoblue Registered User

    Feb 19, 2018
    My sympathies. You are in my prayers.

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