Hallo everyone, and I hope you're all OK. As promised, I've dropped in to let you know how things are. It's 200 days on Friday since I lost my beloved John, and life has certainly had an awful lot of ups and downs.
On a positive note, I've just returned from visiting friends in Devon, where I stayed for 5 days, and travelled by train, as I'm not confident enough to undertake the journey driving. It was so lovely to have company, and chat about this, that, everything and nothing, and to have a change of scenery.
As you may remember, I made all the funeral arrangements, and sorted out the finances myself, even completing Probate, then I had a foot operation, and 3 months ago, I started work as a volunteer at the Citizen's Advice Bureau, with my "speciality" being form filling.
And I love it! Everyone is so appreciative, and my much-honed skills, developed over the years whilst caring for John, and arguing the toss with Social Services, et al, have proved very useful, and so far, I have a 100% success rate for my clients!
I've been left flowers, chocolates and lovely cards from the claimants, and have also been promoted to Advisor status, as I am considered empathetic! Of course, this is no substitute for my widowed status - but it helps. My son and family will be visiting me at the end of the month, from the USA, and during their stay I am having John's ashes committed, as I wanted the whole family there.
There are only 7 of us, and it was important to me for us to be together, and then that is the final step regarding John's passing. I'm planning another few days away in September, this time to Yorkshire, again staying with friends. I have started my ukulele lessons, and will also be joining an AmDram/Musical Theatre society in October, where I am assured that I will not be the oldest, that position being occupied by an 85 year old!
I accept every single offer to meet for coffee or lunch, and nail a smile on my face when anyone asks how I am, lying through my teeth when I say "not too bad", or even "fine, thanks". The truth is that I hate my situation, I resent the 12 years that John and I lost when he was ill, and resent even more the years ahead that we have been denied. I talk to his photos and cry. A film, song or even an advert can reduce me to floods of tears, but we have to carry on, don't we.
The one thing that I learnt at the Bereavement Group was the saying "grief is the price you pay for loving too much". So true. The group wasn't "for me", though I know they help some people enormously.
I've had rooms decorated, and done quite a bit myself. I've tackled the garden, and bought things that needed renewing, to make my life as stress-free as possible. So all in all, no major changes, but I feel I've done the best I can for now.
Love and best wishes to all my dear friends on TP, who helped me through my darkest hours, and a warm welcome to all newcomers, who will find TP their salvation. It certainly was mine. xxx
On a positive note, I've just returned from visiting friends in Devon, where I stayed for 5 days, and travelled by train, as I'm not confident enough to undertake the journey driving. It was so lovely to have company, and chat about this, that, everything and nothing, and to have a change of scenery.
As you may remember, I made all the funeral arrangements, and sorted out the finances myself, even completing Probate, then I had a foot operation, and 3 months ago, I started work as a volunteer at the Citizen's Advice Bureau, with my "speciality" being form filling.
And I love it! Everyone is so appreciative, and my much-honed skills, developed over the years whilst caring for John, and arguing the toss with Social Services, et al, have proved very useful, and so far, I have a 100% success rate for my clients!
I've been left flowers, chocolates and lovely cards from the claimants, and have also been promoted to Advisor status, as I am considered empathetic! Of course, this is no substitute for my widowed status - but it helps. My son and family will be visiting me at the end of the month, from the USA, and during their stay I am having John's ashes committed, as I wanted the whole family there.
There are only 7 of us, and it was important to me for us to be together, and then that is the final step regarding John's passing. I'm planning another few days away in September, this time to Yorkshire, again staying with friends. I have started my ukulele lessons, and will also be joining an AmDram/Musical Theatre society in October, where I am assured that I will not be the oldest, that position being occupied by an 85 year old!
I accept every single offer to meet for coffee or lunch, and nail a smile on my face when anyone asks how I am, lying through my teeth when I say "not too bad", or even "fine, thanks". The truth is that I hate my situation, I resent the 12 years that John and I lost when he was ill, and resent even more the years ahead that we have been denied. I talk to his photos and cry. A film, song or even an advert can reduce me to floods of tears, but we have to carry on, don't we.
The one thing that I learnt at the Bereavement Group was the saying "grief is the price you pay for loving too much". So true. The group wasn't "for me", though I know they help some people enormously.
I've had rooms decorated, and done quite a bit myself. I've tackled the garden, and bought things that needed renewing, to make my life as stress-free as possible. So all in all, no major changes, but I feel I've done the best I can for now.
Love and best wishes to all my dear friends on TP, who helped me through my darkest hours, and a warm welcome to all newcomers, who will find TP their salvation. It certainly was mine. xxx