just an update and to ask you guys for advice

[sammie]

hi everyone

i haven't posted much (think i have only done four posts) dad is now in the final stages cant walk, talk eat much he spends most of his time in bed. he is slowly detaching from us he wont even look at me now, he is half his body weight and has had 6 chest infections in the last 7 months plus some minor strokes but we still managed to celebrate his 80th birthday last june

if anyone remembers my posts we cared for dad for 8 years as a family and had to admit defeat and place him in a home (which is fantastic) we fought for continuing care and won ( i am stubborn and refused to give up , think they gave us it to shut me up)

i fought for my dad and now i feel helpless i cant do anything for him . i know this is how the illness goes (he had four siblings with Alzheimer) but my dad is dying slowly in front of me its staring me in the face and i don't think i am coping very well.

i know how i am feeling is normal in the normal sense i am grieving but i feel like my bladder is in the back of my neck i cry at anything , i feel anxious most of the time dreading the next chest infection , the dreaded phone call etc i am a trained counselor / CBT therapist and i cant help myself i don't know how to ( my dad has no idea what i have achieved ) i cant share that with him.

has anyone felt like this ? i feel on edge all the time

i am sorry this is such a negative post but i know those who have gone through similar will understand

thank you for reading

 

[AlsoConfused]

Hi Sammie

Of course, you're bowled over by what's happening to your Dad and the stomach-churning grief of not being able to make everything all right for him. In the situation you're in, how could you not be? Just because you understand intellectually what's going on inside you doesn't make it any easier to be you.

Wishing you strength, support and whatever comfort is available.

 

[sue38]

Hi Sammie,

I'm sorry the final stages of this awful disease are taking such a toll on you and your dad. Is there anything that still reaches your dad like music, or physical touch? My dad responded (sometimes) to a hand or face massage.

 

[sammie]

thank you for replying and yes "bowled over" is exactly how i feel. i play music to dad his favorite tunes which does seem to settle him. i have tried hand massage but he just pulls his hands away. so music it is . oh i did buy him some aftershave he used to wear when i was growing up (old spice) i still love that smell you never know it may evoke something for him.

thanks for replying

 

[Dottie]

Hello Sammie,

Yes completely understand, I too know that feeling of being on edge all the time & feeling completely powerless to help someone who is slowly/rapidly diminishing before your eyes.

But......you are doing something for your Dad because you are still there by his side & giving him comfort & reassurance & even if he is unable to acknowlege your presence he will be aware of the sense of you & your love . For yourself sammie all I can say is try to find moments in the day when you can switch off & think happy thoughts, even if this is just for a few minutes at a time. It does seem to work for me although some days I am better at this than others.

I think you are doing really well in an awful situation,

Love & hugs,

Dottie xx