Just a few thoughts..

[LoisJean]

I found this saved in my documents. I had forgotten to post it but I recall that I wrote it not more than a month or so ago. After reading it, I can say that I still feel that way but moreso.

"My brain processing reminds me of a 4th of July sparkler...it snaps into action spewing off a thousand points of beautiful light, spits and sputters and then seem seems to just disappear leaving nothing but smoke. Then it starts up all over again. In reality I may be having some frequent, tiny strokes happening. Not certain. Can't really know. It's just what I am 'perceiving' right now. If I stay calm it can be quite interesting to observe this in myself.

When I was a kid I'd wade and then swim out to the deeper parts of the lake and then dive under to the bottom. I would turn my head and look up. I could see the sky, the clouds, the sun, the surface of the water from down there..but all filtered and greenish and strangely different. Once a boat passed over me and it felt like an alien visitor. I knew what I was seeing but it was the KNOWING of separation that affected the reality. It was me being in two completely different places at the same time. That is how dementia feels to me. It's just that from time to time the bottom seems more real than the surface or the space above it. And, because of my emphysema, sometimes I wish the dementia would just take me to the bottom and leave me there."

LoisJean

 

[The Chewtor]

horrible, vivid but also quite beautifully put my dear dear friend.
KEEP SWIMMING or I for one will be most upset.

Love Wayne xxx

 

[aprilbday]

LoisJean

I get it. It's some of our reality. Thank you. A very candid posting. Hard to read because I feel the same.
We are here now. We will survive.

 

[AlsoConfused]

Hi LoisJean, You have a wonderful way with words as well as an intensity of perception that's a gift in itself.

My sister writes poetry for her own amusement. When she was overwhelmed emotionally shortly after the birth of her first baby she - like you - benefited by writing about her feelings and experiences. Writing gives a much needed degree of detachment from the experiences that prompt them, doesn't it? It helps one understand them.

 

[Sue J]

Hi Loisjean

I love your descriptions and I know what you mean about

If I stay calm it can be quite interesting to observe this in myself.

but am that your emphysema on top of it all makes it so very difficult.

Thinking of you with love
Suexx

 

[creativesarah]

You write so well thanks for sharing your insights with us I feel honoured to have read what you have put. Do keep writing if you can I have joined a creative writing group, and it gives me such joy