• Expert Q&A: Rare dementias - Tues 3 March, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of rare dementias. It will be hosted by Nikki and Seb from Rare Dementia Support. If you have any questions about rare dementias, they will be here to answer them on Tuesday 3 March between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

It's hard

Irish_Lisa

Registered User
Feb 24, 2007
37
N.Ireland
My granddad had been suffering from Alzheimer's for many many years and unfortunately we lost him 2 weeks ago to pneumonia. I've been struggling ever since and am finding it really difficult to adapt to life without him, it's so hard! Although he was in the later stages of the disease when I lost him I could still his personality once in a blue moon, whether it was a cheeky smile (he's stopped talking months ago) when I made a face at him or a motion of his hand to dismiss something. I joined this site because I think it's the only place you can find like minded people that absolutely understand what I'm going through, they're not just saying what they think I want to hear or what they think is an appropriate response. I guess it's an opportunity to get to know new people, make new friends with one very strong point in common.

Lisa
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,405
Kent
Hi again Lisa,
I`m so pleased you stayed on and began a new thread.

Try not to be too hard on yourself. If your grandad only died 2 weeks ago, after years of suffering, I`m not surprised you`re still struggling to come to terms with it.

Keep posting on TP. You really will find new friends. Friends who are in the same place as you, and friends who are in a different place but understand.

As you said, we all do have one very strong point in common, unfortunately, but by reading everyone else`s posts sometimes are able to find strategies for coping.

Take care, love Sylvia x
 

Áine

Registered User
Feb 22, 2006
994
sort of north east ish
hiya Lisa

welcome to TP ....... like Sylvia suggests, two weeks is very little time to start to get your head around the loss of your grandad. there's scarcely been time to get through the funeral never mind adapt your life to living without him. it feels awful but you can't rush it, it takes time to grieve for someone. my dad died just over 6 months ago ........ i still miss him terribly sometimes, but i promise you it does gradually get better. (unfortunately) you're in good company here ..... quite a few of us have lost relatives just recently, so lots of people around who understand something of how you feel.
 

Sweet Pea

Registered User
Dec 20, 2006
24
North Yorkshire
Hello Lisa

My Dear Dad died from AD just before Christmas and my life seems incomplete without him. My Mum, who was married to him for 51 years is terribly lonely but she is keeping busy and putting a smile on her face. What keeps me going is all the happy memories that I have of him, both during his illness and before when I was a child. When he died, I was just numb for quite a while, and there were so many arrangements to make, so I was kept busy. But now the sad reality is dawning, and i sometimes wonder what my life is going to be like without his smile and friendly face.

Grief hurts so much as you already know. Be kind to yourself and take your time, remember the good times, and take comfort that your Grandad is now at peace, and no longer struggling every day.

Talking Point is a wonderful place to 'voice' you thoughts to people who really do understand...and posting this reply is helping me, as I sit here with tears in my eyes!

Take care

Sweet Pea x
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Irish_Lisa said:
Although he was in the later stages of the disease when I lost him I could still his personality once in a blue moon, whether it was a cheeky smile (he's stopped talking months ago) when I made a face at him or a motion of his hand to dismiss something.
Lisa

Hi Lisa

So glad you've posted again. I know how badly you're missing your granddad. Losing someone you love leaves such a big hole. Even the happy memories bring tears to the eyes.

But cherish those memories, it's the way to keep your granddad with you always.

Post again, whenever you feel like it. Yes, you're among friends here.

Love and hugs,
 

Tina

Registered User
May 19, 2006
420
Hi Lisa,
I know the feeling. I've lost an aunty, an uncle and my gramps in the last three months, and I'm finding it difficult, too. The happy memories are comforting and provide much consolation. I'm so glad I have them and I feel privileged to have had very, very special people in my life who taught me so much, who cared for me, loved me and encouraged me in what I was doing. There's this great gaping hole now, and it's so hard.
There are good days when I remember and smile and count myself lucky, other days are just overwhelming.
Keep posting, as Hazel and Aine and others have said, there's plenty of support and similar feelings to the ones you're experiencing.
Tina
 

asaltydog

Registered User
Jun 22, 2005
22
N Wales
Dear Lisa

so sorry to hear that your grandad has died

Mum died last month after having AD for about 8 years. She was 84

She had excellent care in two homes here in N Wales, then in Ysbyty Glan Clwyd
where she went for an op on her leg.

Back to the nursing home . She collapsed on a Sunday morning & was taken
by ambulance with one of her carers to YGC

Accident & emergency packed out on a Sunday morning!

After half an hour or so I was taken to a private room to be told that she had
died.

Later

At the end of the service at mum's church the organist played
' All things bright and beautiful'

Which I had asked for , & my auntie & I used to hold mum's hand
whilst it was playing on a cd, & mum was in bed, smiling,
& then a carer would bring in her tea & we would say we are going now.


And we cannot travel back into the past.

Derek
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,405
Kent
Dear Derek,

I find it so moving that in your grief, you are able to console someone else who is grieving, so sincerely.

This really is one of the beauties of TP.

Thank you.
 

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