• We're currently experiencing technical issues with our newsletter software, so our Dementia Talking Point monthly updates have been put on hold for now. We hope to restart the newsletter soon.

    Find out more >here<.

It seems it's as simple as that.

JMU

Registered User
Feb 17, 2012
155
Cornwall
I had the meeting with dad's social worker today, at the care home where he is in respite. It seemed too simple for words. There was no querying my having him back home at all, she just did the re-assessment, arranged with the home to extend his respite while things are going through, and set she'd set things going to make it permanent residential.
I suspect the several recent incidents, including the two in the last week involving the police, have helped me enormously. After fighting for so long without help, it's now over.
I have to wait for (another) financial assessment, but as long as the home will have him (it's not secure) it seems that he will be staying there.
It's kind of weird. I feel like I should be upset, or be feeling something. I've come home to a house full of his things- his clothes in his room, his food in the fridge, and he's never coming back, but somehow that's okay. Maybe it will hit me later.
I do have an overwhelming desire to pack up his stuff though!
 

turbo

Registered User
Aug 1, 2007
3,851
Hello JMU, it's good to hear that your dad's social worker has acted quickly and that you are finally getting help for your dad. it's sad that it has taken you so long to get help. I expect it's 'normal' to feel numb when things have happened quickly.


turbo
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,972
Derbyshire
After a very difficult phase I think that numb feeling is mixed up with a sense of relief. I am sure you will go through periods of sadness but you know now that the SW has accepted how impossible things were for you. Your Dad is indeed better where more carers are around to manage his needs, something that we ourselves cannot dot single handed.

Maybe it will hit you later but TP will be here when you need it. When you pack up you Dad's stuff is your choice. If it suits you to do it sooner rather than later, then so be it.

Take care of yourself now.
 

2jays

Registered User
Jun 4, 2010
11,598
West Midlands
That's how it was with me. The only difference was mum was in her own home so I didn't have to go back to "her stuff" in the house.

The relief was enormous that I had finally been listened to.

It doesn't change that I worry about her or still "care" for her. It's a different way of caring - and in hindsight a different kind of worrying.

I did take me a long time to clear her house but I think that was because her house was 70 miles in one direction and her care home 70 miles in the opposite direction from my house.

What hasn't changed is the relief that mum is safe. Has food. Is clean and relatively hygienic and has company. Yes there are "niggles" and I do still worry. The difference is I have time to worry and sort out what's really worth worrying about and what isn't. I have time to work out which worries to take on. And the worries I take on are not on top of having to worry about mum 24/7 and the "little worries" are being dealt with by someone else.

Thinking of you