It all comes down to memories...

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by citybythesea, Jun 7, 2008.

  1. citybythesea

    citybythesea Registered User

    Mar 23, 2008
    coast of texas
    I know I'm strong...I know and have known for months that mom would be no better. With every loss I weeped for my old mother. For the woman who when I was frustrated with life would listen...mostly not giving advice because she knew better. She knew I "had a good head on my shoulders to fix those mistakes."
    For the woman who, when I couldn't be at home with the kids, was there. For the woman who made "Dang good PIes" at holidays. Who treated each child to a special "Big Red Cake" and who tried her best to make each grandchild feel special. Even when the others knew that her oldest held her heart and memories. He was the one who at 6 stood strong at the funeral of my dad. Holding her hand and promising he would watch over her for dad. He became the one in later years that fixed those little things for mom. He is the one now who longs to see her but cannot because he is Navy bound and he also wants to remember her as she was.

    I long for the woman who taught my middle son compassion, who was there every time an allergy got in his way. I long for the woman who took a teen ager clad in black baggy jeans and chains to church. "God doesn't care what you look like." I long for him to be able to say "I love you grandma." and her know what he is saying.

    I long for the woman who played board games with my daughter at all hours of the night. I long for the woman who instilled in her the love of old movies...all movies. I long for the woman who was slowly learning to let my kids grow up.

    I don't long for the emotional hurt she felt when daddy and then her mother died. I don't long for the way she longed to feel my dads hugs or wishing she could sit with him at night. HE was her world and she was his. I long to feel the love that they shared.

    Long is gone that woman in her place is a woman who is confused and tired. A woman who went from being a woman finally comfortable with her a woman who doesn't know how she affected the people around her.

    Tonight she sleeps, her breathing going from loud to soft, labored to easy. Her pulse becoming more rapid. Sweats taking over in a chilled room. Gone is her ability to eat, swallow.

    Tonight I think back to long ago. To a time when she sat with my grandfather just before his death. To her telling of how he pulled an imaginary cigarette out of his pocket. Struck an imaginary match on an imaginary wall and lit his cigarette. How he smoked that imaginary cigarette, put it out then went to sleep...for the last time. How it all seemed so peaceful to her.

    Tonight I sit here hoping that God will grant her that peaceful sleep...whenever it happens. Mom...I miss you so very much. I love you so dearly.

  2. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    What a lovely post of how your mother was before dementia thank- you for shearing . I do hope you got some peace full or rest full sleep last night Nancy xx
  3. jc141265

    jc141265 Registered User

    Sep 16, 2005
    You said it, exactly how I have felt it Nancy. I too longed for the man Dad once was, longed for him to know he was loved and appreciated, longed for him to be able to see and understand the accomplishments of his children, to know that he was the backbone of our successes.
    Thank you for your post.
  4. jackie1

    jackie1 Registered User

    Jun 6, 2007
    Dearest Nancy

    I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face, yours was the most moving of posts.

    You are a wonderful daughter and you are so lucky (strange term I know) to have such a wonderful mother and such an amazing wealth of memories.

    Take care of you and yours.

  5. hendy

    hendy Registered User

    Feb 20, 2008
    West Yorkshire
    Dear Nancy
    Thank you for sharing memories of your dear mum. I too know all about longing for peaceful sleep... Stay strong and keep your memories safe.
    take care
  6. JulesLK

    JulesLK Registered User

    May 22, 2007
    Dear Nancy

    You said it all in a nutshell .... thank you so much :)

  7. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    North Derbyshire
    Dear Nancy,

    I now know that your mum has passed away, but what a lovely accolade to her you have left for us all to read.

    What a wonderful woman your mother was. Take joy in that, and that her influence lives on for ever.

    How lovely that her grandchildren experienced the same warmth and love as yourself, you are very lucky in that.

    I hope you come to terms with her passing.

    Kind regards

  8. Nutty Nan

    Nutty Nan Registered User

    Nov 2, 2003
    thanks, Nancy ......... for putting it all into a better perspective!
    Tears can free the soul (a bit).
  9. CYN

    CYN Registered User

    Jan 4, 2008
    east sussex
    Nancy you also have me in tears after reading your very emotive post.

    Love Cynthia x x

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