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isolation

Ko Ko

Registered User
Aug 26, 2012
17
0
Hello are there any other gay people out there who have partners who have been diagnsed with dementia. My partner was diagnosed a few months ago at the age of 41 any one interested in replying please do would love to talk to any one else in this sitation .
Ko Ko
 

jane1066

Registered User
Apr 8, 2012
7
0
North Yorkshire
Support

Hi Ko Ko,

I don't have a partner with dementia but I'm coming from the point of being gay and the whole isolation aspect of dealing with dementia and feeling alone. I am a carer for my Mum who has Alzheimers and have experienced isolation as a result. I wanted to let you know that I've had support from using this Forum and found it a good way to express thoughts and feelings in confidentiality.

It's important to reach out to the right people who understand what you're going through and this is the best way for me as people seemed to have vanished just when I need them. If you feel lonely, keep posting and or someone else will respond..get as much support as you can . Best wishes, Jane
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
76,303
0
Kent
Hello Ko Ko

I know you are not the only gay on the Forum but can`t believe there are so few .

The gays I know of seem to post on the main forum knowing more people log in there and they are more likely to get support.

If you don`t get much support from this Forum please do not give up on TP. The support is here for you even if it is not as good as you would like.
 

Bambi123

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
1
0
Early diagnosis could be FTD. Fronto temporal lobe dementia?

My partner's Mom and Dad both had ALZ and were diagnosed the same year. When I thought I saw early symptoms in my partner, I did a lot of research and learned of early onset issues. The social security disability has special fast track approval for what is called Compassionate Allowance i think. If your partner gets a specific diagnosis of FTD they would be able to get faster approval of ss disability or SSI........i think. Frontotemporal Dementia
 

big-mama

Registered User
Jul 20, 2012
290
0
Scotland
Hello are there any other gay people out there who have partners who have been diagnsed with dementia. My partner was diagnosed a few months ago at the age of 41 any one interested in replying please do would love to talk to any one else in this sitation .
Ko Ko
Hi Ko Ko. Whilst not gay, I am in a similar boat to yourself. My hubby is 37 and was diagnosed almost a year ago. I might be naive, but other than the straight/gay thing I think we're all in the same boat, and I have hit isolation like a brick wall. They say when God throws you lemons to make lemonade - I say add a couple of vodkas to it, but not sure our girls could cope with a dementia suffer and an alcoholic lol!
Keep your chin up - I often come on here to have a rant, a cry, a smile etc. Sometimes just putting your thoughts down in an anonymous manner on here can be just what is needed. Hope things get better for you x
 

NeverGiveUp

Registered User
May 17, 2011
1,034
0
Like the other posters say, we are all in the same boat, dementia is the great leveller, unfortunately the level is the sinking kind.

I liken dementia in the home as similar to bubonic plague, I expect the neighbours to mark a red cross on the door any day and I will have to walk around with a bell saying "unclean, unclean".

'Friends' disappear over the horizon at the speed of light, criticism has been levelled by one that i am letting standards slip (24/7 care for both disabled parents, no help whatsoever, I repair things, decorate, call doctors, cook, absolutely everything - of course the bloody 'standards' are going to slip! :mad:). As for relatives who live close by...... Nuff said.

We are all in it together, please join us, I am sure we need your support along with all the other support we can get.
 

Ko Ko

Registered User
Aug 26, 2012
17
0
Hello

Hi Ko Ko. Whilst not gay, I am in a similar boat to yourself. My hubby is 37 and was diagnosed almost a year ago. I might be naive, but other than the straight/gay thing I think we're all in the same boat, and I have hit isolation like a brick wall. They say when God throws you lemons to make lemonade - I say add a couple of vodkas to it, but not sure our girls could cope with a dementia suffer and an alcoholic lol!
Keep your chin up - I often come on here to have a rant, a cry, a smile etc. Sometimes just putting your thoughts down in an anonymous manner on here can be just what is needed. Hope things get better for you x

Hello Big Mamma i am sorry to here about your husband being diagnosed at 37 what type does he have my partner has been told it is genetic and has to have testing.. Well the isolation thing is awful i have to say its like having the plague people just stay clear of you i find it all very sad how shallow some people can be. I work and am my partners carer but it is hard working full time trying to look after my partner its just never ending at times take care Ko Ko
 

Ko Ko

Registered User
Aug 26, 2012
17
0
Hello

Hi Ko Ko,

I don't have a partner with dementia but I'm coming from the point of being gay and the whole isolation aspect of dealing with dementia and feeling alone. I am a carer for my Mum who has Alzheimers and have experienced isolation as a result. I wanted to let you know that I've had support from using this Forum and found it a good way to express thoughts and feelings in confidentiality.

It's important to reach out to the right people who understand what you're going through and this is the best way for me as people seemed to have vanished just when I need them. If you feel lonely, keep posting and or someone else will respond..get as much support as you can . Best wishes, Jane

Hello Jane im sorry to here about your mom having this awful illness it is like the plague all the people that you knew seem to dissapeare it certainly is an eye opener when someone gets a diagnosis of Dementia. I know you are a carer for your mom but do you work i work full time its hard going trying to do both. My partner has been ill for 6 years but we have been passed from pillar to post then finally a few months ago got the diagnosis to say it devestated us was an understatement but as hard as it is we at least know how old is your mom if you dont ind me asking kind regards Ko Ko
 

Ko Ko

Registered User
Aug 26, 2012
17
0
Hello

Like the other posters say, we are all in the same boat, dementia is the great leveller, unfortunately the level is the sinking kind.

I liken dementia in the home as similar to bubonic plague, I expect the neighbours to mark a red cross on the door any day and I will have to walk around with a bell saying "unclean, unclean".

'Friends' disappear over the horizon at the speed of light, criticism has been levelled by one that i am letting standards slip (24/7 care for both disabled parents, no help whatsoever, I repair things, decorate, call doctors, cook, absolutely everything - of course the bloody 'standards' are going to slip! :mad:). As for relatives who live close by...... Nuff said.

We are all in it together, please join us, I am sure we need your support along with all the other support we can get.

Well i can only agree with what you say yes its like having the plague freinds you had and have known for years dont want to know and yes even family stay clear its all fear of the unknown to them. I do everything in our house it is hard juggling workfull time and caring but we do it because we love our partners mothers farthers husbands and wifes. Take Care Ko Ko
 

Ko Ko

Registered User
Aug 26, 2012
17
0
Hello

I know you are not the only gay on the Forum but can`t believe there are so few .

The gays I know of seem to post on the main forum knowing more people log in there and they are more likely to get support.

If you don`t get much support from this Forum please do not give up on TP. The support is here for you even if it is not as good as you would like.

Thank you Grannie for your kind words
Ko ko
 

comane

Registered User
Jan 20, 2010
57
0
UK
I call it a trap from which one cannot escape.:( It must be two or three years since my wife reached the point when she needs 24/7 attention. It is improving a bit:). I can get carers in for short periods on weekdays and family try to visit at weekends. No holidays of course. She is 78 and I am 83. She may well outlive me. August is the worst month when everyone else goes on holiday
 
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chridgets

Registered User
Aug 6, 2013
57
0
BC Canada
Hi Ko Ko,
I have felt similarly. I have a good support network and only know one other lesbian couple where one partner has Early Onset. I know that some who post on Talking Point don't quite get why we need to be in contact with other LGBT folks going through the same experience. Our personal histories, while always individual, come out of a common history. When some new challenge arises, we look for each other.
I hope you are ble to get support from this forum and also in person.
Chris

Hello are there any other gay people out there who have partners who have been diagnsed with dementia. My partner was diagnosed a few months ago at the age of 41 any one interested in replying please do would love to talk to any one else in this sitation .
Ko Ko
 

David0169

Registered User
Apr 3, 2013
14
0
Morning Ko Ko, My ex-partner has dementia, we were together for 20 years, I could have walked away when we split 6 years ago but didn't, we stayed friends then 18 months ago I noticed many changes in him, he was getting very forgetful etc and knew he needed help but didn't force the issue until Christmas 2012 when he decided that he was going to cook lunch and only cooked half of it. I hope you don't feel alone like I have done for many months now, I have found that its all bout the patient and there is little or no help at all for the carer and what help there is is during the working day (I work from home and have my ex-living with me now so have to deal with everything 24/7). I have been offered counselling and after my first session was told that I needed Cognative Behavourial Therapy, I suppose when you think about those that offer all these things only have to deal with it during the working day and when they go home they can forget about until the following morning when in reality its not like that at all, we have this constantly day in, day out, our lives get put on hold so they get the care and attention they require and when we do actually get the rare time away from them we worry about them, hoping they are ok etc
Anyway rant over - Never feel alone and push for everything you can get. Also look into getting a carers break thro Social Services, they by the way don't tell you what you are entitled to half the time

D