1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Thurs 29 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Thursday 29 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. Philpsie

    Philpsie Registered User

    Jan 6, 2016
    My husband has just been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I'm so worried by this. He sits all day watching YouTube looking up conspiracy theories and believes it, when I point out how these things can't be true he gets cross and thinks it's me that doesn't understand. Is this normal for dementia? Should I just let him think these things?
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    The more you engage him about conspiracy the more you will reinforce his obsession. This is a definite case for finding other things to do. Can you join some Alzheimer's groups? Look up what is available in your area. Would he go to a day centre where he will meet other people and get entertained?

    Paranoia and aggression often are part of dementia so distraction is needed.
  3. Philpsie

    Philpsie Registered User

    Jan 6, 2016
    The problem is I'm at work most of the day. The consultant has said he's mild still and as yet we've not seen the support nurse so I feel on my own with this. He copes well in most ways on his own still and refuses to believe he has dementia so he would never go to groups.
  4. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006

    Hi and welcome to Talking Point.

    Marion's is spot on, distraction would be the best way of trying to break your husband's constant obsession. It won't always work but weening him away every so often will help you both. Just asking him to do a small job might work, make a cup of tea, put some washing on the bed, just anything to take him away from the tv.

    I have put a link at the top of the post that you might find very useful to avoid confrontation that sometimes leads to aggression. I found with my husband when he became annoyed he soon forgot what about but the feeling stayed with him for quite a while. Compassionate Communication really helped me.
  5. elizabeth hc

    elizabeth hc Registered User

    Oct 31, 2012
    My advise, which I have learned the hard way, is to agree with everything and then try to distract. You will never win so go with the flow! Good luck my thoughts are with you
  6. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    Morning Philpsie
    Is there anything else for him to do during the day, while you are at work?
    Would he watch TV instead - read some less disturbing magazines ...
    IF your internet connection just happened to develop a strange problem where it disappeared for days at a time - and, of course, you are on to it and the supplier is looking into it!! ;)
    (won't work too well if he is tech savvy enough to find your box and switch it back on - or call the supplier himself)
  7. Philpsie

    Philpsie Registered User

    Jan 6, 2016
    I must do this, I know when my mouth opens this is going wrong. I think this is still so raw and new to me, I'm still at the crying a lot phase (I sure hope it's a stage lol!) not in front of him though!
  8. Philpsie

    Philpsie Registered User

    Jan 6, 2016
    Is that normal

    I was considering that lol! But unfortunately he could still sort that out for himself. When I'm at home we go out and that helps him a lot, I can still almost forget he has a problem. I've already reduced my hours but I suppose it will get to the point when I'll have to reduce that more so I'm at home with him more but as I'm the bread winner it's difficult.
  9. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    Philpsie, have you been in touch with Alzheimer's Society to see if they have any volunteers who might be able to either come and sit with your husband or take him out? Alternatively get in touch with Social Services and see what help they can provide. I managed to carry on working full time, being the breadwinner like you, with help from something here in SE Wales called 'shared lives' run by SS which provided a trained person to either take my husband out or sit with him chatting, playing draughts or chess etc. My husband is older and required 24/7 supervision, so the situation is somewhat different but still worth making enquiries perhaps. xxx

    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
  10. Philpsie

    Philpsie Registered User

    Jan 6, 2016
    Sorry for my late reply, I'm having trouble sending a message so now trying on my laptop.

    I'll look into this thank you but I dont think my husband would like anyone in the house but its worth a try. Most importantly its just so nice to talk about it, it helps me realize i'm not on my own. xxx

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