Is this hosting too?

[AutumnRigby]

Good morning everyone

Yesterday I was going.to write a post about mums decline and losing the ability to use the dishwasher, she had stopped turning it on and emptying it properly and then on Thursday didn't even manage to put her own plate in it. Usually.after dinner mum will put her own plates in the dishwasher and then sit back down and I do all the rest.

Forward 24hrs and my daughter is home from Uni for the weekend.

After dinner mum:
Cleared.the whole table
Puts leftovers away in the fridge
Loads the dishwasher AND runs it
Washes up the saucepans
Dries up and puts away
Wipes down the surfaces.

Can anyone explain if this is hosting and if the physical and mental ability iss there why can't mum turn it on everyday after dinner?

Wishing you all.a lovely day

 

[Grannie G]

It could be hosting. It could be stimulation because her granddaughter was home.

Who can tell?

 

[AutumnRigby]

Thank you Grannie G

If it was hosting I could understand but if its just stimulation that implies mum is more than capable but just chooses not.to bother to help out on an average day, and that's really frustrating 😕
Normally there is no attempt to help and she is happy to sit there doing nothing. I have on occasions just sat and waited to see if she will eventually help but normally after 15 mins or so its clear its not going to happen.

 

[Collywobbles]

I don’t think it’s really as cut-and-dried as being capable and choosing not to, vs not being capable. I suspect she may fluctuate between the states - dementia is never is slow or linear decline. Sometimes she might not be able to understand the routine, sometimes she might. Maybe a visitor has disrupted a pattern of behaviour and resulted in her being able to complete the task when she normally wouldn’t remember how. It’s always second-guessing with dementia. No two days are the same.

In your shoes, for your own peace of mind I’d just accept it as part and parcel of the dementia, either way. To assume anything else would be a quick way to add to the types of resentment which dementia already brings into our lives. And nobody would suffer except you, because your Mum’s probably oblivious.

 

[AutumnRigby]

Hi Collywobbles

Thank-you for your thoughts, I absolutely see where you are coming from when you say she's probably oblivious to it and you are more than 99% right. It just a shame that it has a knock on effect that causes me and my family such stress and frustration, and also.many an argument. Today I feel totally rubbish😒😒

 

[canary]

It sounds like what happens here when family come to visit. OH makes a huge effort to try and be the way he used to be. He can't do that completely any more, but he is more with it and engaged while they are here.

It comes with a massive cost, though, because he is so tired and confused afterwards it takes days for him to recover.

I always thought this was Hosting

 

[AutumnRigby]

It sounds like what happens here when family come to visit. OH makes a huge effort to try and be the way he used to be. He can't do that completely any more, but he is more with it and engaged while they are here.

It comes with a massive cost, though, because he is so tired and confused afterwards it takes days for him to recover.

I always thought this was Hosting

Thank-you Canary

 

[AutumnRigby]

Thank-you Canary

It will be interesting to see how.mum is when daughter leaves tomorrow

 

[Grannie G]

I think @Collywobbles is absolutely right @AutumnRigby

There is no logical reasoning for this behaviour. Different behaviours are not only dependent on the circumstances, they are dependent on the hour, the minute, the day, the mood and anything else that comes to mind.

Your mother is functioning with no rhyme or reason. Because she does or doesn’t react to certain situations doesn’t mean she has any control.

It`s really difficult to understand where this comes from and how it happens but very sadly it is as it is.