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Is there ever a right time ?

Norrms

Registered User
Feb 19, 2009
5,521
0
Torquay Devon
Is There Ever A Right Time With Dementia,


Over the last few weeks I have been saddened to read some blogs from carers across the world where they say things about a loved ones with dementia like “Do they know they are lying ? “Are they doing it just to wind me up? And more worryingly “ my husband has just ordered this, or that, or taken money out of the bank, which made me think, when is the right time to step in and gain lasting power of attorney ? It’s a tough one isn’t it?


One example, extreme it may be, but a true one, of someone who didn’t, and it ended in her losing her house, her savings and her husband immigrating to Australia with the lot leaving her destitute!! How did that happen I hear you ask, but when we don’t step in these things can happen as he thought he had no illness at all, even though all around him quite clearly knew he had dementia and in his own mind he wasn’t married, and was going back to where he was born down under, but because nothing was put in place by the time he had signed all the relevant documents it was to late. Sadly a true story and so sad to say the gent passed away shortly after in Australia leaving no will. As you will see at the beginning of this I mentioned “Lasting Power Of Attorney and not Power of Attorney, a huge difference and I would always advise the lasting power of attorney, please look it up.


When I was first diagnosed I sat with my family and explained all, best thing I ever did, and then one night my wife and I sat and chatted about the future and we just knew we had to put our house in order as they say. So our “WILL” was checked and any adjustments necessary was made including where I was to be buried in case I started to say I wanted to back up north where I was born. Then it came to lasting power of attorney. Personally I had no problem letting my wife take over looking after things as she had more or less been doing that for years, but in a strange way this secured our future, and yes it’s a matter of trust, but in my humble opinion if you don’t have trust then why are you married??
We still do the same things, spend the same money etc. and nothing feels as if it has changed, but my point being is, if I started to change, revert to my single days before I met Elaine then it could have had disastrous results.

Lasting Power of Attorney is a safeguard; you have to make sure that as many obstacles that could be in your way are removed, it’s hard enough trying to negotiate the path of the dementia illness without added pressure.


Of course this really all boils down to one thing, and that is early diagnosis, as early as possible, so then whilst not being badly cognitively impaired at the beginning you cans rest assured that you have most things covered.


Norrms Diagnosed with dementia and
Founder of Purple Angel dementia campaign
 

Sue741215

Registered User
Oct 18, 2019
90
0
I'm reading this a little late but wanted to say how great , and I suspect fairly unusual, you are to accept the diagnosis and plan for your life in this way. It has also been very helpful to me as the wife of someone who has Alzheimers but does not acknowledge it. Although it would be good if he were more like you and we could discuss the situation I totally understand that his way of coping is also valid and enables him to , so far, be fairly contented with life - or is that the Memantine I wonder. Anyway, having recognised the possibility before diagnosis I was able to get LPAs in place and am taking all the decisions about our finances and indeed our lives so it was very helpful to hear that you are happy that your wife will be doing this for you. It helps me to feel that I am hopefully doing the right thing.

I will be looking out for your posts in future as it is so good to hear from people living with dementia as well as from other carers - you have much to teach us. thank you again for your post.
 

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