For twenty years I have given my all to mum, haven't pursued my dream job and it meant I couldn't care for her. All of my siblings left me to do it all with no thanks and no help.
As her dementia progresses keeping a relationship with her is becoming evermore difficult as her dementia rages at me and accuses me of all kinds. A sister is trying to manage her by visiting for a few hours a week and phone calls. Clearly this is not enough as mum has set three fires in recent weeks by forgetting how to use the microwave and forgetting she has put food on at 3 am.
Does my years of care now count for nothing, I know it is her illness but I feel as if I have been used if that makes sense. Mum has gone from 20 years of singing my praises to a year of shouting, rages which come out of nowhere. I am trying to make sense of the change in the relationship but am feeling pushed out. I know my sister winds her up every time she visits, and many of the shouting tirades are after her visits about things they've discussed. My sister is angry with me because I refused to let her have PoA after Mum's brain damage was diagnosed and she felt she deserved it, despite having left the city 30 years ago and prior to this only managing to visit a few times a year for a few hours a visit. I don't trust her or her husband.
Mum who I have got off the floor countless times with ambulance crews, who I am the only one who would bother their back sides to visit every day for the months every year she spent in hospital to make sure she had everything she needed and was well taken care of.
Now it counts for nothing, I am scared to answer the phone to her, have been hit and kicked by her, she tells everyone how bad I am, how my child should be taken off me (she knows I pride myself on being a good Mum and my son is my world) he's nearly grown now anyway, how I abuse her (irony).
I am just having a bad day and can't figure out how she can't balance 20 years of being the only one she could depend on to being the one she rejects.
As her dementia progresses keeping a relationship with her is becoming evermore difficult as her dementia rages at me and accuses me of all kinds. A sister is trying to manage her by visiting for a few hours a week and phone calls. Clearly this is not enough as mum has set three fires in recent weeks by forgetting how to use the microwave and forgetting she has put food on at 3 am.
Does my years of care now count for nothing, I know it is her illness but I feel as if I have been used if that makes sense. Mum has gone from 20 years of singing my praises to a year of shouting, rages which come out of nowhere. I am trying to make sense of the change in the relationship but am feeling pushed out. I know my sister winds her up every time she visits, and many of the shouting tirades are after her visits about things they've discussed. My sister is angry with me because I refused to let her have PoA after Mum's brain damage was diagnosed and she felt she deserved it, despite having left the city 30 years ago and prior to this only managing to visit a few times a year for a few hours a visit. I don't trust her or her husband.
Mum who I have got off the floor countless times with ambulance crews, who I am the only one who would bother their back sides to visit every day for the months every year she spent in hospital to make sure she had everything she needed and was well taken care of.
Now it counts for nothing, I am scared to answer the phone to her, have been hit and kicked by her, she tells everyone how bad I am, how my child should be taken off me (she knows I pride myself on being a good Mum and my son is my world) he's nearly grown now anyway, how I abuse her (irony).
I am just having a bad day and can't figure out how she can't balance 20 years of being the only one she could depend on to being the one she rejects.
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