Hello
@March2025 welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear about your situation, there have been quite a few posts here from those who have fallen out with siblings or other family members, and the problems that this has caused, so you are not alone. Does anyone hold Health & Welfare Lasting Power of Attorney for your parents? I've found that health professionals, GP's etc usually prefer to have a single point of contact in the family but this is obviously a problem when family members are not communicating with each other. As dementia is progressive then your father's health will deteriorate over time, so it's natural for his health to not be as good as it was 4 years ago when you were taking care of him. Do you visit your parents regularly so that you can see how they are? If you have particular concerns about their health/care which you don't feel are being addressed then you could perhaps write to their GP to let them know of your concerns. They may not be able to share any information with you but at least you will have raised it and it would be on your parent's health records. It's a difficult situation but this is a supportive place and others may be along with more suggestions for you.
The youngest of the Family asked me to be Power Attornery alongside him.... that was for Health & Welfare & Finance. This brother hit me a number of occasions because I stood up to him.... I have not spoke to him for years.
The same brother has been given responsibility for my Mothers Finance a couple of years before this situation by my Mother. This is a person who is not an organised person. I believe if your looking after someones Finance you should be keeping a record of every outgoing and incoming money...He would not have done this. He thinks its ok to draw money out each week and give it to my Mum IF and WHEN she needs it. He does not think nothing of drawing from a hole in the wall whereby you pay to use it instead of a hole in the wall where you are not charged. Mum has asked me what are these extra charges she is having to pay...so I have told her truthfully.
I decided to take on the position of Power of Atorney as it was one way of keeping an eye on what is going on with my Mothers Finances...I do not trust this brother nor do I trust any of the other siblings for many reasons they have given me reason too.
Procedures followed for both of us to become Power of Attorney... Mum & Dad also made a Will. The Solicitor used done both the Power of Attorneys and Mum & Dads Will. This was a Solicitor my brother had done work for and in heinsight I was stupid to agree to this Solicitor doing the work. Cut a long story short...I expected this Solicitor to sit both my brother and I down and explain everything about Power Attorney...he did none of this. He was a Solicitor but this was not is field of work...he turned up at my brothers home the day in question for us to sign the forms and also to speak to organise the Will for my Parents. The Solicitor literally pointed to crosses he had outlined in pencil for me to sign the forms. I made it clear to this Solicitor I was not prepared to sign anything unless I knew what choices were available over decision making. Because there was two of us to become Power of Attorney I would only sign the forms IF both of us agreed to the decision...NOT my brother making decisions without me NOR I make decisions without him. So, it was agreed that would be the case and I signed the Form.
I recieved the Certificate back for HEALTH but not for WEALTH. I needed the Certificate for WEALTH as I was sorting out PIP for my Father and the DWP wanted proof I was Power of Attorney for his WEALTH too. Just before this there had been a disagreement between my brother and I...a) he was not pulling his weight...it was me dealing with everything b) He had been promising for weeks to show me my Fathers Finances & Bank Statement which he kept making excuses not to show me. By this time alarm bells where ringing and this just fitted in to the distrust I have with him. I rang the Office of Guardianship regarding the Certificate for my Fathers Wealth...I was told that the Certificate had become annulled...the reason why was that someone had used liquid ink on the Forms and because it was a legal document it was annulled. I asked the lady from the Office of Guardianship on which pages where the liquid ink used...I was told it was the page whereby agreements would have been made for my brother to make decision if I was not around!!! So originally unknown to me this decision was being made without out me knowing!! Because I have stood up and made my feelings known at the time of me signing the WEALTH Power of Attorney that I would not agree to anything else liquid ink has been used on the form to change the deision. I telephoned the Solicitor regarding the situation who was not owing up to it being his fault for using liquid ink and I also told him at that point I was not happy how he had gone about doing the Power of Attorney and how I believed he should have sat us both down and explained everything to us.
After that I was removed as Power of Attorney influenced by my brother to my Parents...there was big fall out which suited my brother and my brother applied to the Courts to take on the position of Care solely for my Father.
In the meantime I found out that this same brother had closed down Bank Accounts and holds both my Parents Saving in his home.
From there on other siblings come out the shadows who had not been seen for years to help in my Parents Care ... six of them in total. I was pushed out... my Parents turned on me. Yet each and everyone of the other siblings have taken from my Parents over the years...a number of them have robbed money belonging to them. I have NEVER taken a penny off them...yet I was being treated like they had no trust in me....this is pure manipulation from my brother and other siblings.
I stood back for a while allowing the other sibling to get on with things...and as I expected slowly but surely the starting to get fed up. My Father is not being washed each day, he is being left in dirty clothes and I find it all heartbreaking. I have always been scapegoated in the Family...there is alot of jealousy amongst siblings...they dont like that I have higher standards than they do...they dont like that I have always been recognised by others outside the Family as been such a caring person NOR have my Parents liked it when they have bad mouthed me and others outside of the family see different than they do and will not accept I am a bad person. It has affected my Mental Health over the years when I cannot do right for wrong and I am not appreciated for all I do and have done. Yet both Parents are late 80's now and I am going to continue to give to them until they leave this world as I live by my conscience. But I believe certain Family members need to be held accountable ...but they wont be whilst they have the hold they have over both Parents.
