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In desperate need of help

Albo06

New member
Mar 17, 2019
4
Hi I am new to this forum and am seeking some help. My father in law has had Alzheimer’s for about the last 4 years and has been cared for at home by his wife, both are in their mid 80s. A couple of weeks back MIL was admitted to hospital following a fall, despite witnessing the fall FIL wouldn’t/couldn’t help.

Whilst MIL has been in hospital FIL has been cared forat home on shifts by my wife and her brother. He’s fine during the day however towards an evening he becomes very agitated and quite threatening throwing people out of the house, in addition hes awake and up for most of the night. He’s recently become a little more threatening and constantly going on walks. Things reached a head on Thursday when we had to call the local authority for guidance/advice.

They allocated a crisis care social worker who immediately deemed he should be admitted to an EMI care home on a temp basis. Whilst this was distressing for all concerned it seemed to be our only option. Whilst the home wasn’t the best standard we saw this as a temp measure and being self funded we started looking for an alternative home on Friday.

It was during visits to other homes that we received a call to say he had become distressed and wanted to leave, this culminated in him assaulting two of the nursing staff and a fellow patient. We were told we had to immediately go and collect him. As we are all new to this we sought help from the LA care team who advised we had no option other than to take him home and care for him there until Monday when another social worker would be allocated however even they were unsure of what options we could consider tomorrow.

So we are after some help as nobody seems to be able to offer us any. We considered getting 24 hour homecare however this is impractical as MIL will be returning home shortly, she is no longer capable of caring for him. Our view is he needs additional medical help but nobody seems interested in our view. I’m presuming no ordinary dementia care home will take him now he’s become violent. Should we be looking for a home who have high dependency/higher risk type of care. Outwardly he’s a charming caring individual however these more challenging behaviours have started only recently when he becomes agitated and wants to return home.

Someone has told us he needs an AMP social worker to have him sectioned however this seems a very drastic step and we are unaware of the consequences of this taking place. Do we lose control.

Any help/advice would be extremely welcome.

My wife and I live in the N west whilst her parents and family members live in West Yorkshire.

Thanks in anticipation for any guidance.
 

concerned4

Registered User
Jun 3, 2012
60
Your FIL will need to be assessed if he hasn't already been, they will then prescribe medication to calm him down will also suppress anxiety, this will need to be done by a psychiatrist your GP may have to refer him in order to get an appointment, sadly this is how the system works , best of luck.
 

Albo06

New member
Mar 17, 2019
4
Your FIL will need to be assessed if he hasn't already been, they will then prescribe medication to calm him down will also suppress anxiety, this will need to be done by a psychiatrist your GP may have to refer him in order to get an appointment, sadly this is how the system works , best of luck.
Many thanks for your response concerned4. It’s a very worrying time for all concerned and tomorrow will hopefully shed some light on our options.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,807
Bristol
Hullo and welcome to TP, Albo06. Sorry your father in law and mother in law are having such a hard time with a fall and dementia. I hope your MIL is better soon.
Your situation is beyond my knowledge and experience, but there are many in the community who can help. Meanwhile, can I suggest the National Dementia Helpline for expert advice and guidance.
National Dementia Helpline
0300 222 11 22
Our helpline advisers are here for you.
Helpline opening hours:
Monday to Wednesday 9am – 8pm
Thursday and Friday 9am – 5pm
Saturday and Sunday 10am – 4pm
 

Amelie5a

Registered User
Nov 5, 2014
105
Scotland
Really sorry to read about the situation you're in. So difficult!

I haven't had to deal with some of the things you've described but others on this forum have. I'm sure they'll be along soon. Meantime, if you use the search function you will find experiences of 'sectioning' and the use of medication for aggressive behaviour.

Words fail me though - an EMI care home says your FIL needs to leave because of his behaviour and all the social work team does is expect the family to cope with FIL at home until tomorrow. (The very situation which led to his temporary placing in the EMI home n the first place!)

I really hope you find a way forward tomorrow with different professionals. Is your FiL's GP approachable?
 

Albo06

New member
Mar 17, 2019
4
Thanks for the responses so far it’s really helpful to know we are not on our own.

Wife has come up with a great idea that might buy us some time, we are going to have a look at getting in home care until mil comes out of hospital which will allow us to look at other care homes.

Thanks all.
 

Albo06

New member
Mar 17, 2019
4
Really sorry to read about the situation you're in. So difficult!

I haven't had to deal with some of the things you've described but others on this forum have. I'm sure they'll be along soon. Meantime, if you use the search function you will find experiences of 'sectioning' and the use of medication for aggressive behaviour.

Words fail me though - an EMI care home says your FIL needs to leave because of his behaviour and all the social work team does is expect the family to cope with FIL at home until tomorrow. (The very situation which led to his temporary placing in the EMI home n the first place!)

I really hope you find a way forward tomorrow with different professionals. Is your FiL's GP approachable?
Thanks for the response Amelia5a. The forum is really useful if not a little frightening of what might be to come
 

Amelie5a

Registered User
Nov 5, 2014
105
Scotland
The forum is really useful if not a little frightening of what might be to come
It is an amazing resource - but take what helps you for now and try not focus on what might be further down the line. It might not happen!

One of the main things I've learned is that everyone's journey with dementia is unique, so do try not to frighten yourself. Your family has more than enough to handle right now.

Your wife's idea for live-in care may work well. I'd imagine her father is completely bewildered by what's happened. His 'rock' has left him, his world is upside down and then he finds himself in a completely new environment (the EMI home). Maybe getting some routine going at home with a 'constant' carer, will help calm him.

I've had to learn that my Dad is incredibly susceptible mood/energy/ambiance. I try and keep everything calm. Tonight he was a bit anxious after waking from some kind of dream - dread to think what! - but he responds superbly to music. On went Andre Rieu yet again, and Dad settled.