Hi I'm new to this and I'm not sure where to begin. My OH has been having difficulties for about 5yrs now. He has no diagnosis as he doesn't/won't acknowledge anything is wrong, but after reading more and more about the different dementias I think he has vascular or ftd. I've given up on trying to persuade him to see a Dr some time ago as he gets himself into a state just at the mention of a Dr for any reason. He would not be willing to go through the various appointments to get a diagnosis and I fear the process would be detrimental to him. Sometimes he is quite with it and I think he knows something is not right but he'd rather not know. He stopped having annual blood tests some years back when the form asked for consent to routinely screen for dementia.(he's always been I'd rather not know, concerning his health) he has other health conditions for which i am his full time carer. Copd, oxygen dependent, arthritis, anxiety and depression and a previous stroke. I feel like I'm rambling. I'm just exhausted because at the moment I'm not sleeping well because he's awake and can't sleep. It's a regular thing that lasts a few days then he gets back to his sleep routine until it happens again.its a vicious cycle that has no end.He gets really upset and agitated and says he wants to go home(we're already home) so I have to take him for a drive at stupid o'clock just to ease his upset. There, I feel better just getting it off my chest.
I'm so exhausted
- Thread starter Madmadge
- Start date
Hello, and welcome to Talking Point, though I’m sorry you have needed to find us. Some of the symptoms you describe certainly could be dementia ( the wanting to ‘go home’) but, of course could be something else. My first thought is that your husband must be having some monitoring for his other health conditions, so could you share your worries with a Dr?
This is a link to information that may be useful
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/help-dementia-care
I will check your post in the morning, as I’m only half awake myself at the moment...but at least you know you are not talking into a void! I hope you manage to get more sleep.
His only monitoring is a voluntary , which he no longer attends and I can no longer go anywhere without him with me so speaking to a Dr would mean he would be present and he would not want to know if there was anything wrong with him. I accept that is his decision, he has been like that for years. We used to mention to him about the possibility of dementia but he won't have any of it and because it causes him so much upset we stopped saying anything to him. I used to think it was low oxygen levels but now because of the never ending list of symptoms and his daughter having worked with dementia patients we are sure it is dementia. He can't sign his name anymore has trouble telling the time, wears several layers of clothing in hot weather, no longer has any tact. His behaviour has changed dramatically. Constantly calls me a thief, has developed a very sweet tooth. Calls me mum or by his daughters name, can't identify objects if asked to pass something. The list goes on and on. He was hospitalised some years ago in intensive care and he is now very fearful of Drs and hospitals.
Hello @Madmadge
Do you think you could write a letter to your doctor. They do need to know how your OH`s illness is affecting you and that you are virtually a prisoner to his fear.
Does your OH use the computer or have access to yours? If not perhaps you could send an email.
You need help and the only way you will get it is if you ask. The medical profession will not know how difficult your situation is if you don`t tell them.
Please get some help for both you and your OH.
Do you think you could write a letter to your doctor. They do need to know how your OH`s illness is affecting you and that you are virtually a prisoner to his fear.
Does your OH use the computer or have access to yours? If not perhaps you could send an email.
You need help and the only way you will get it is if you ask. The medical profession will not know how difficult your situation is if you don`t tell them.
Please get some help for both you and your OH.
Hello @grannieG
I will ponder writing a letter to my GP but it feels a little underhand going behind his back. I don't want any outside help at the moment and will continue to plod on with help from his kids. I was wondering if anyone had any advice on calming him at night when he refuses to sleep and gets upset. Any advice appreciated.
I will ponder writing a letter to my GP but it feels a little underhand going behind his back. I don't want any outside help at the moment and will continue to plod on with help from his kids. I was wondering if anyone had any advice on calming him at night when he refuses to sleep and gets upset. Any advice appreciated.
I understand. I`m sure all of us have felt the same at times but sometimes needs must.
There does come a time when help will perhaps improve life for both of you . Many of us who think we can manage without help reach breaking point before we ask.
In the same vein most of us have suffered disturbed nights. Some have accepted the use of medication, others have struggled on. It`s a very individual decision and I hope others will share their stories with you.
You could try some of the herbal remedies or Bachs products, but you must check if ok to take with any prescribed medication, they will not knock him out but may help to calm him, though Like prescribed medication they do have some side effects and can not be taken long term.
Do you think it would be a good idea to consider sleeping in different rooms, at least you will be able to sleep undisturbed on the nights when he is active.
Do you think it would be a good idea to consider sleeping in different rooms, at least you will be able to sleep undisturbed on the nights when he is active.
GrannieG
I appreciate your advice and hope I have strength to ask for help when I need it. I have family looking out for me ,so feel sure that they would intervene if they needed to.
Regards medication for sleeping. Because of his oxygen therapy he cannot have anything that suppresses his breathing. Because of his previous hospitalisation I am also weary of any medication having an adverse effect on his breathing or mental state.
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