Hello, I'm new to this site. I'm having a stress of a day. Maybe I should start from the begining. My Dad had been diagnosed with vascular dementia he is 69. It was only last week he was diagnosed. It has taken us one and a half years to get this far! We have not been offered any help and are waiting for a psychologist to do some more tests on a home visit. What started off as simple memory loss has now turned in to paranoia and aggression. My mum did very little talking when they went to the memory clinic as she is not the kind of woman to ask for any help. She had a list a mile long but was scared to mention anything about it as she did not want to upset my Dad. Today I found out that he tried to strangle her on Saturday. For the past 2 weeks he has been accusing her of having affairs with all kinds of men. This could be no further from the truth as my Mum wants a quiet life and she is happy doing a crossword or some knitting. He has been getting verbally agressive with her and then he became phyisical over the weekend. He attacked her on Saturday and she didn't mention anything to me or my sisters. Then he attacked her on Sunday evening again, throwing furniture around. This time she left and went to my sisters and she told her everything that has been going on over the past few weeks. She said it got to the point where she was writing letters for us all in case he killed her. We have always been a very close family and it breaks my heart knowing that this situation is not going to get any better. My Dads behaviour has gone back to how it was when they first married 47 years ago. He was very jealous and possesive and hated anyone looking at my Mum. We have offered to get more help for our mum but she said its ok beacuse today he said he was sorry again. But who do we ask for help? His GP or the consultant at the memory clinic (who my sister said was very nice but not really that helpful) Or the psychologist who is going to do the home visit whenever the appointment come through. I want to do more to help my Mum but she does not like to put on me as I have 4 year old twins to run around after. The worse part of my Dads dementia has been his speech, almost like he knows what he wants to say but can't find the right words and forgetfullness names, keys etc. He is still very active though and is always out and about and pottering in the garden. Its been such a stress of a day on and off the phone all day to my sisters and checking up on my Mum and Dad. He has not been put on any medication for the dementia but he is on tablets for heart problems, cholesterol, and diabetes. Is there any form of medication he can take for the aggression? What is the best thing we can do to help? Where do we start? Help!

 

Update on My Dad

Well its been a couple of weeks since my first post on here. My Dad had begun to calm down and my mum didn't want any of us to contact his GP about what had been going on. Anyway he was having problems with his breathing again so he went to the GP about that (my Dad has heart problems, angina, asthma and diabetes) The docs sent him to hospital and he has been there for a couple of days having tests. My mum got a call at 4am saying my dad was upsetting the other patients and being agressive. The doctor on the ward was discharging him and could my mum come and get him (at 4am) My mum explained briefly about his aggression at home and how he had strangled her. On hearing this the doc decided he could stay. When we went to visit my dad at the hospital today he was sat on the edge of his bed watching the other patients on the ward like an animal ready to pounce. All the time we were trying to make conversation but he was not listening and was looking at the corner of his eye at the other patients. he said he could hear them whispering about him (even though my dad is hard of hearing and cannot always hear what you are saying even when you are sat next to him)
We tried to talk with the nurse but my dad wouldn't let us have a private word. He was telling us that the man in the bed opposite him had said he was going to steal his name off him. Then he said the same man has pulled a wire onto himself and burned his head and arms (which he clearly had not) and there was a woman in the toilet on the ward washing herself with toilet roll and my dad said they needed to get the police! When I finally got to have a private word with the nurse she could not tell me much about what had happened in the night as she was not on duty. They moved my dad to a private room for the safety of the other patients. They said it was all they could do until the doctor on duty did his rounds. The ward he is on is a respritory ward for his breathing problems so they don't specailise in this kind of thing. They said they would contact his consultant at the memory clinic to come and see him but just because my dad is already an in patient it does not mean he is priority and he might not get seen.
My sister tried all day to get someone from the memory clinic to contact her but they never did. She did speak to a lady who trains carers about alzheimers (my sister works in intermediate care and went on this training course a few months ago for work) She told my sister to ask to speak to the ward manager and if they try to discharge him without the problem being treated my mum can refuse to take him home. We are trying to get a hospital social worker to give us some advice. I can't believe it has come to this and still we have not been offered any help or advice even now he is in hospital. My sisters are visiting tonight with my mum so they can talk to the nurses because my mum is still scared of repercussion from my dad if she does the talking! I will try and keep you updated. Thank you already from all that have given support and advice.

 

My real name is also Elaine... even more uncanny! Hopefully when my sisters get back from visiting tonight they will pop round with some answers. x

 

Update

I have just spoken to my sisters. They managed to speak to a senior nurse who said that he was being treated for a chect infection and his notes said he was ready for discharging tomorrow. However after speaking with my sisters she said she will get the doctors to review the discharge until they have spoken to the condultant dr at the memory clinic. She agreed that he would be a danger to himself and my mum if he was to go home. He seems a bit more settled since being put in a private room. It seems last night he was convinced he knew the guy in the bed opposite and they never used to get on and this man had an accident which left him with burns. He said this man was threatening to kill the other patients and my dad was trying to protect them but in doing so he was upsetting them. But we still don't know where the woman in the toilets come into it!
It was very frightening to see him like that and his own fear and paranoia had my heart thumping. My sister said he was almost crying tonight when he was telling her what happened because in his head it did happen and it was real. My sister also said they were to phone her before they discharge him as unlike my mum, she will not accept a discharge without some resolve on the matter. Anyway, tomorrow is a new day lets hope its a good one.

 

More uncanny similarites!

Hello again Elaine!
At least our similarites are having me smiling! My In-laws live in Leigh Lancs! I'm there almost every weekend with the twins! Small world. Anyway, lets hope both our Dads get all the help and care they deserve for their sakes and our mums! Love Elaine x

 

Todays update on my dad.

My dad is still in the hospital on the respitory ward. His chest is fine, it was a chest infection so he is classed as medically fit to go home. They have however kept him in because they could not get anyone to see him from the memory clinic until today. He has been put on Aricept (we were originally told by his consultant that his dementia was not the kind to be treated with drugs?) and he is on amisulpride for the aggression. My sister saw on his notes something about haloperidol (she thinks this will be given when required when he is out of control) I'm saying he has been put on them... they have not recieved the drugs yet from the hospital pharmacy and won't until the morning. My dad himself seems more like his old self... chatty (when he can find the right words) he still talks about the incident on the ward and now he thinks the tea lady is slipping something into his brew because his lips and moth feel sore after a drink!
The consultant at the memory clinic wants to admit him to be assessed over a period of time. I know this is what he needs but I also know my dad won't be happy about this. He has obviously forgotten about his memory problem but every day he asks about his gall bladder (he is waiting for an appointment for treatment for that!)
All these messages are being passed on via nurses on the ward he is in, nobody yet from the memory clinic has spoken to any of the family. I think we finally have a social worker assigned to us but we have yet to see them. So its still an ongoing progress. My mum is visiting twice a day but when me and my sisters are working she has get 2 buses to go and see him (although we will not allow her to do this at night) we are lucky we all live close together and we have got nephews and other family to help when they can.
Anyway, thats my update on my Dad.

 

Yet Another Update!

My Dad has now been moved off the respiritory ward to the unit that deals with dementia. Up on arriving there he said... I'm not stopping here, and having been there myself I can understand why. It looks like we have stepped back 20 years in time. The whole unit stinks of urine. Its a dismal, dirty, smelly... to put it politely its a complete s***hole! Its so called being refurbished and it sure needs it. On his first night there the heating was not working. The ward my dad is on has about 4 beds in it and they each have a wardrobe. My dads bed had only a sheet on to cover him... no blankets or quilts. He said he was so cold last night in bed he had to pull his jumper over his head to keep warm. He also only has one pillow. He has a bad chest and needs to be a bit more propped up in bed. When my sister asked for another pillow for him the response she got was... I will see what we can do they are like gold dust in here!!
On the night he arrived one of the staff asked if he was going to bed and my Dad said he liked a warm drink before bed and a biscuit. They said... oh you are to late for that. My dad said I think you better read my notes I'm a diabetic and I need something to eat! Reluctantly they made him a drink. The staff just do not seem to care!
There are 10 women and 5 men on the unit and I have to say the other patients look like they are in far advanced stages of dementia. Most of them sitting in their chairs or just wandering around looking like nobody owns them. Even my dad said (in his words) a lot of them in here are cuckoo and its a real shame for them.
I'm concerned that my dad is going to deteriorate very fast if he stays in there. He is in for assessment and they said that it can be up to 6 weeks or longer that they stay.
The only thing that needed addressing was the aggression. He has been put on amisulpride and he does seem a lot like his old self. The doctor who is his consultant will not be visiting the unit until Wednesday. We are trying to arrange a meeting with him and his social worker who we have yet to meet. I tried to explain to the staff there that my Dad was no way at all a geriactric old man. Up until him being admitted into hospital a couple of weeks ago with a chest infection he was still driving! He went out every day either for walks or to the shops, out for lunch with my mum. He is very active and able bodied and is still more than capable of doing day to day things.
I discussed this all with my sister this evening after her first visit and she totally agrees. Our aim is to get him well enough to come home. I think if he stays there he will become depressed or catch some superbug because the place is filthy. My sister is a manager in an intermediate care home and she said in all her years of working in care has she never come across such a dirty, depressing place. She has just completed a training course in alzheimer's and dementia for her job. She scored 100% in the exam and has been invited to a presentation to recieve an award.
Anyway, thats tonights rant over. I will keep you updated.

 

Yet another update on my Dad

Well my Dad has been in the assessment unit for about a week now. From day one he said he didn't want to be in there. We just kept telling him to just be patient as we needed to speak to his consultant Dr who was going to be there Wednesday. We even booked in an appointment with him. Both my sisters were going with my Mum to see him. One of my sisters even booked a day off work especially to go. Well guess what... the Dr cancelled. He didn't even go on the assessment unit at all. He only goes once a week so now we have to wait another week to see him. One of my sisters will be on holiday and the other is back on her week on at work (she is a live in carer)So I have to book the day off work to go and see him with my Mum. Not that I mind but the plan was to go in as a family to give each other support.
Its really depressing my Dad to be in there. There is no stimulation for him what so ever. The behaviour of the other patients is upsetting him. He was quite cheerful the first few days of being in there because he was hoping after seeing the DR he would get the all clear to go home and be assessed there. Now he is getting upset, crying and being moody. He hates being cooped up. My dad loves nothing more than a walk in the fresh air. He never sits around at home moping but thats all he does in there. As a family we all think he would be better at home. Are we expecting to much? Would he be better at home? They said assessing him could take up to 8 weeks in there. I think he would go crazy if he stays much longer. Him being away from home is agrivating him more than helping.
I'm so cheesed off to put it politely. What kind of place only has a Dr visiting once a week! And it still stinks of urine!