Scotsguy, welcome to Talking Point. I'm very sorry to hear of the situation with your father, and that you had to find your way here.
It's very hard when there is a problem, but no easy way to tackle the problem.
There are different types of dementia and they can have different symptoms, and of course everyone is an individual and will have their own unique presentation. Having said that, there are a lot of behaviours and symptoms that are common to different types of dementia. What you describe certainly sounds like it could be some form of dementia, but of course we can't diagnose your dad over the Internet.
There are medical problems that can cause dementia-like symptoms, as well, just to make things more complicated.
If you have PoA and the necessary permissions for your father's GP to speak to you privately, then do that. Schedule a phone call or an appointment and have a frank talk.
If not, then while they may not be able/willing to discuss your father's medical situation with you, they can listen to anything you have to tell them.
You might start keeping track of the problems, issues, and behaviours that you've observed. Write it all down and send it to the GP. Car accidents, delusions (a delusion is a false, fixed belief, such as someone is trying to kill him or poison him or steal his money), hallucinations (seeing or hearing something that isn't there), impulse control, poor decision making, any changes to routine, I'd document all of it. Emphasize that you are concerned about his safety and well being and that you consider him a vulnerable adult at risk.
I've seen good advice here on TP for getting someone reluctant, to actually go to the GP. You might collude with the GP for them to call your dad in for something like a "routine" physical, an "annual appointment" to keep him on the register, a medication check, a routine weight/blood pressure/similar check, routine labs, or any excuse that he will swallow.
You also don't necessarily need your dad to agree. You can make an appointment, not tell him, take him out to run errands or to lunch, and then go to the appointment. I know it sounds devious, but sometimes you have to get creative. If he is not able to make good decisions for himself, you may have to make some decisions for him, in his best interests.
If your dad does have dementia, then no amount of reasoning or logic or persuasion is going to work, and I would stop banging your head against that brick wall. Even if he doesn't have dementia, he may have a major case of stubborn! (My mother was very, very stubborn pre-dementia, and her Alzheimer's has not improved that personality trait!)
Another alternative, is to wait for a crisis. While not attractive and not what most of us would choose, sometimes it's the way it works out.
I hope others here will have some more advice for you, and wish you all the best in finding a way forward.
Georgetown, I hope you'll be able to get a diagnosis for your own dad. Before my mother was diagnosed, she was suffering from constant, crippling anxiety and horrible insomnia. Getting her medications adjusted so that she could sleep, and dealing with her anxiety (both with medication and with 24/7 supervision) gave her a huge amount of relief. I hope you'll be able to get some relief for your situation as well.
