I haven't visited this forum for quite a while. I thought I was managing fine - mum in her residential home, dad being supported at his sheltered home - things at last falling into place. I now see that I was kidding myself - everything is not fine. My role as a carer might have changed but I feel I'm just not coping!
Mum's dementia makes her very unstable - she throws her arms around me on one visit and the next she's just awful - nasty and aggressive. She goes from loving all the residents and carers, to hating them all. My stomach churns every time I go up the stairs to her room - which mum will it be today? After living with this for two years I feel wretched. I feel guilty because sometimes I just don't want to go and visit, I don't like her - and then I'm overcome with shame to have had such thoughts.
Dad is another matter. He has short term memory loss and is physically very frail. He lives in a warden controlled flat, has people come in during the day to help him, but I am his carer. I do his washing, shopping, medication, etc etc. I have terrible problems with the care company - the care plan is often not followed and I am forever chasing them up! It's very wearing. Dad's physical condition means he spends some time every few months or so in hospital. The rest of the family think it is time for him to go in a home. I know it's because they see me getting in such a state sometimes that they want him to go in a home - but he really doesn't want to go. I don't have the heart to persuade him - but sometimes, I just feel so desperate.
It's bad enough that after 60 years together mum and dad are separated - mum can be very lucid at times and she misses dad so much. I try and take her to visit him as often as possible - but it's getting more and more difficult. Dad could even go in the same home as mum but he won't. And I can't blame him - he may have his moments but he's not at that stage yet. He's 83 today and I'm just getting ready to go to see him - I'm with him at least 3 times a week. The plan is to take mum home for a tea party. Well that's the plan!!
Sorry to ramble on - but I feel so weighed down with it all. My husband is very supportive, as are my daughters, but they have stuff to do - lives to get on with! I've been so weepy and tetchy lately. What do the rest of you do when it all gets too much?
Mum's dementia makes her very unstable - she throws her arms around me on one visit and the next she's just awful - nasty and aggressive. She goes from loving all the residents and carers, to hating them all. My stomach churns every time I go up the stairs to her room - which mum will it be today? After living with this for two years I feel wretched. I feel guilty because sometimes I just don't want to go and visit, I don't like her - and then I'm overcome with shame to have had such thoughts.
Dad is another matter. He has short term memory loss and is physically very frail. He lives in a warden controlled flat, has people come in during the day to help him, but I am his carer. I do his washing, shopping, medication, etc etc. I have terrible problems with the care company - the care plan is often not followed and I am forever chasing them up! It's very wearing. Dad's physical condition means he spends some time every few months or so in hospital. The rest of the family think it is time for him to go in a home. I know it's because they see me getting in such a state sometimes that they want him to go in a home - but he really doesn't want to go. I don't have the heart to persuade him - but sometimes, I just feel so desperate.
It's bad enough that after 60 years together mum and dad are separated - mum can be very lucid at times and she misses dad so much. I try and take her to visit him as often as possible - but it's getting more and more difficult. Dad could even go in the same home as mum but he won't. And I can't blame him - he may have his moments but he's not at that stage yet. He's 83 today and I'm just getting ready to go to see him - I'm with him at least 3 times a week. The plan is to take mum home for a tea party. Well that's the plan!!
Sorry to ramble on - but I feel so weighed down with it all. My husband is very supportive, as are my daughters, but they have stuff to do - lives to get on with! I've been so weepy and tetchy lately. What do the rest of you do when it all gets too much?