1. Our next Q&A session is on the topic of Christmas and dementia.This time we want our Q&A to involve our resident experts, you! Share tips and advice on navigating Christmas here in this thread.

    Pop by and post your questions or if you prefer you can email your question to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.
  1. elizabeth20

    elizabeth20 Registered User

    Dec 28, 2013
    I took mum from hospital where she has been for 6 weeks with a chest infection into a care home this morning. She's had assessments a failed DST and 'everyone' said it was the best and safest thing to do. She lived at home with a care package and daily visits from me.

    This has to be one of the worst days of my life. She cried she wanted to go back to where she'd come from. She thought she was going home wherever home is as even at home she wanted to go home and at the point of her sitting bewildered in a strange chair in a strange bedroom she burst out crying saying that she just felt so unwanted.

    It will stay with me for ever. I was desperate to take her home, I still do.

    I can't go back in today or tomorrow. I feel the worst ever. Should I have done this should I have listened to everyone else.

    When does this suffering end
  2. Grey Lad

    Grey Lad Registered User

    Sep 12, 2014
    North East Lincs
    This must be very hard for you. Your mum is in safe hands now: you have done the right thing IMHO. Take good care. G L
  3. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    Oh Elizabeth what a nightmare for you.

    Your mum us bound to be settled with moving & you are stressed. Give your mum chance to settle & see what happens.
    Wishing you strength for the coming days.
  4. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    I'm so sorry. Wishing you strength. x
  5. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    So sorry Elizabeth. Hopefully the next visit you make she will be a little more settled, which will help wipe out today's memory for you. Hope everything works out for you very soon.
  6. elizabeth20

    elizabeth20 Registered User

    Dec 28, 2013
    Thanks for caring. I knew this was the right place to come as you all understand. I got a shock at some of the other people in the home and thought my mum is nowhere near as bad as this ( but on a bad day comes close and with an infection is on a par with them all) .

    She depends on me so much I've done almost everything for her since dad died. She was diagnosed in 2012 and this past year has been a difficult one.

    I feel so guilty and shocked at the quickness of it all.

    Thanks again and let's hope that time will be a good healer although Im very tearful at the moment it's just got to get better it just has to

    Thanks everyone x
  7. irisheyes

    irisheyes Registered User

    Aug 4, 2015
    It will be okay I think

    It sometimes takes people a while to settle in....my mother didn't want to go to an adult day program and my father felt so guilty...but now she really enjoys it. It reminds me of how upset my children were when I left them at day care some days....but then when I picked them up they were having a great time....no one likes change and sometimes in life it's even more difficult.
  8. Jesskle66

    Jesskle66 Registered User

    Jul 5, 2014
    Elizabeth, my heart goes out to you. It was also the hardest, most gut wrenching thing in the world for me to have mum transferred to a CH from hospital. 2 months on and it is easier, and I can see why 'everyone' at the hospital thought it was the right move. Mum is settled as well as she would be anywhere. It will get easier, hang on in there.
  9. Maldives13

    Maldives13 Registered User

    Feb 4, 2014
    Hi Elizabeth20.
    Just wanted to be close to you. My Mum has been in a care home for 3 months now. Worst time of my life!! What an awful time! I do wish there's an easier way! Just horrible!
    I hope things go well for you
    Good luck xx
  10. elizabeth20

    elizabeth20 Registered User

    Dec 28, 2013
    thaks it is really a comfort to know I'm understood. I haven't been today and I don't think I'm ok to go tomorrow. My OH went today in my place and I asked him (probably unfairly) to tell me honestly when he came back 'could he have left his own mother in there?'

    He was quiet on his return as another family member was in the house. Then a while later he said 'I know what you mean I know exactly what you mean but I don't have the answer. I cried yet again and went for a long walk.

    Mum had another checklist completed by the social worker this morning and I was told to be prepared for another DST meeting. I haven't seen the copy of the one completed last week yet.

    And so it goes on and on and on.

    I did tell the social worker that this decision was made as certain people were concerned about my health and other certain people were convinced mum needed 24 hour care I went on to tell the SW that as far as my health went I have never felt so terrible and utterly despairing about anything ever to a point of been physically sick. As for mum I'm her voice in all of this and I feel that I've let her down terribly. I have given up the most part of my life for a lot of years and fallen at the last hurdle,

    I hope the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel starts to shine soon.

    Thanks again everyone x

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