I've been looking after my mum since July then she was lucid n managing her toilet needs with help for direction to the toilet. But as the months have passed she is now double incontinent and is in tena pants day n night. It's doing my back in changing her four five times in the day n just as many times in the night. I'm here 24/7 no sleep she wakes every two hours wanting the loo ofcourse by the time she's got to the bedroom door she has forgotten, once up its a mission to get her back into bed - she will sit for hours patting down the sheets it's a worry as she tends to wander due to tiredness she's unsteady but no bed! It's taking its toll on me this lack of sleep n doing all the daily chores so far there is no care package in place. She's never been the best of mums always made you feel worthless n never affectionate if I'm honest I have no idea why I've taken this on as honestly it's not out if live or duty but possibly out if guilt to prove I'm not the worthless human being you made me out to be..... I hate myself for feeling this, hate myself for feeling tired I fact I hate myself full stop. If only I had the courage to end it all n not be around to see it all - I suffer from depression I was abused as a child therefore have always lacked trust never let neone get close to me out of fear I may contaminate them - hence I'm in my fifties single n no life. I don't know where to from here!