I wish it was a Happy New Year

[betsie]

I have been thinking the last few days about whether any year can be a "Happy New Year" once you step onto the dementia/alzheimers road.
Both my parents have the disease, my dad has been in a CH since June and my mum is ok at home on her own for the moment.

I know that this year will just bring more guilt, more worry, more crying, more of a decline in both my parents, more hurdles to climb, more hospital trips ..............

I feel like I am on an road with no exits and no finish line, trudging along the endless path waiting to turn the next corner to see if it is still flat or it there is another mountain to climb.

Sorry for being a misery, I just can't get into all this "happy new year" talk.

 

[PaddyJim]

Hi Betsy

I am sorry you are feeling so low today. I think most people on here will emphasise with how you feel at the moment. This disease is so cruel it impacts our lives in so many ways and I genuinely hope 2014 is a good year for you.

Best Wishes

 

[CollegeGirl]

I totally understand. I look into the future with absolute dread. I have been very lucky and had a lovely Christmas and New Year because I have focussed on some little things that have lifted me: my mam's aggression and nastiness is starting to abate and the last few times I've seen her she has been pleasant.

She doesn't understand unwrapping presents any more but she loved the flowers I gave her on Christmas Day, at least for the few moments I was giving them to her, smelling the freesias and saying how lovely they smelled (she forgot about them 30 seconds later).

She spoke to me on the phone on New Year's Day for the first time in ages (I think she is scared of the phone because she doesn't understand it any more) and she wished me a Happy New Year. When she visited later that day, along with dad, she gave us all a kiss and cuddle and in her own way joined in the conversation and laughed.

All these little things brought me little nuggets of joy. If I think about the future I get really upset, worried and depressed. Most experienced people here would say take a day at a time, that's how you get through. It's a very hard lesson to learn and I'm not quite there yet, but I'm slowly beginning to realise how wise a saying this is.

I hope you start to feel better very soon. Try to be kind to yourself, none of us is Superwoman/man.

xx

 

[Katrine]

Dear betsie, my hope for you in 2014 is that you are able to experience happiness and moments of joy. I understand about that 'endless road' feeling, not being sure when you turn the next corner whether you can carry on. If I may continue with that image, it is like trudging along with your eyes to the ground, without the strength or inclination to look beyond what you've got to tackle today.

I recently read a book by a woman who had been through some very tough times and decided to walk part of the Pacific Coast Trail, which is a wilderness trail in America. In addition to the physical endurance and other things that happened, the experience of being totally alone in such awesome landscapes provided much needed balm to her troubled mind and soul.

I am far too old and decrepit to go hiking across mountains but I do find there is something in the contemplation of natural landscapes, especially mountains, that lifts my spirits. Somehow I feel more in proportion, which is strange because contemplating nature should make me feel diminished by the scale of 'Me' in relation to the world. I also sometimes find myself in times of trouble quoting "I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills..."

With love from Katrine xx

 

[Saffie]

Sorry for being a misery, I just can't get into all this "happy new year" talk.

Betsie, that all it is, just talk. If you think of it, it is just a continuation of the days that have gone before. Nothing is going to change just because mankind decided it was 2014 instead of 2013.

I've always felt sad on New Years Eve, thought I was just odd but there it is.
I doubt that there are many here that felt exuberant joy at midnight.
However, it is seen as a new beginning and as such, we can all hope for better things to come even when dementia is involved in our lives.
Personally, I feel no expectation that things will improve for either my husband or myself in the coming year but I hope that he might be in less pain and feel less agitated and upset and that I might become better at accepting things. I have hopes for other members of my family too.
I also hope that this year will bring meetings with friends as last year did.
There are not any positives about living with, or alongside, dementia but equally our lives don't have to be completely negative either.
There are little nuggets of gold amidst the dross and we just have to seek them out.
Sending sympathy and understanding.

 

[Pat12ka]

There are little nuggets of gold amidst the dross and we just have to seek them out.

Just had a phone call from mum (always fills me with dread), but this one was just to inform me that she was home from the Day Centre, she'd had a lovely time, and I wasn't to worry about hurrying round as she was ok.

 

[Linbrusco]

I feel exactly the same.
Every year it's " I hope this year is better than the last"

I feel as I have been "caring" for the past 10 yrs.
First with my husband diagnosed with a brain tumour in 2004. He has resulting neurological deficits and hasn't worked since finishing all his treatment in 2006
And now Mum in the last 2 yrs since her health declined and now with AD.

How I have managed to keep down my part time job I will never know.
All our dreams, & hopes and plans for the future seem to be permanently on hold, and it's hard to look too forward without fear of the maybes & whatifs.

I do agree with Collegegirl and finding your nuggets of joy when you can.
Anything that you can do to lift your spirit, even for a moment in time take the opportunity. xx