I Think My Mum Has Dementia

[liz1973]

My mum has an aneurysm and was told at the time by Papworth Hospital that this could lead to vascular dementia. This was diagnosed during Covid lockdown.

Mum also has been diagnosed with emphysema and bipolar.

Since this time her short term memory is very poor and she does some out of the ordinary things. Makes 15 cups of tea a day and pours down sink. Brushes her teeth after everything she eats which can be 10 times a day. All the mugs in the cupboard have tea bags and sugar in them. Sits and watches the same tv programme all day. Eats her breakfast, lunch and tea sometimes before 12 midday. My dad now has to cook her dinner by 10:30am. Constantly talks and argues with herself. Goes upstairs and opens and slams doors. Talks about her dying all the time. Attacks my dad violently when she gets frustrated then blames him and denies it all. She claims her food gets stuck in her throat and sticks a toothbrush down there. Constantly repeats herself and it’s the same repetitive conversation all the time. She screams the house down when she becomes frustrated.

She refuses point blank to seek any professional help and gets very angry if you suggest it. Her anxiety levels are sky level and she weighs 7 stone.

I am very upset by what’s happening and especially every time I call her she cries. Also when she attacks my dad and puts her hands round his throat and scratches his face…..

I’ve contacted her doctors and they cannot do anything without seeing her. But she refuses.

It’s got to the stage where I have been told to get social services involved.

Had anyone else experienced the same and what do I do 😢

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @liz1973 and welcome to our supportive and friendly community. I am sorry to hear about your Mum. It is important to get her checked out by a doctor, both to rule things out and (with luck) get a diagnosis. How to do this may need ingenuity, subterfuge and a helpful GP. Explain everything to her GP - perhaps by writing it down - then suggest that she could be called for a 'well woman consultation'. She might agree more readily if she thinks that the doctor has initiated it. You or your Dad will need to go with her and be present for the consultation. It may not be easy to achieve but is a vital first stage.

You can also contact social services, alerting them to a situation where there are 2 vulnerable adults who are at risk of harm. An adult needs assessment for your Mum and a Carer's assessment for your Dad are both needed as a matter of some urgency.

Assessment for care and support in England

What are care assessments and how can people with dementia and their carers access them? This information is for care and support in England.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[sdmhred]

I’m so sorry to read about this. What a worry for you.

I would also advise that when your mum attacks your Dad that he calls the police, especially if he is being injured. This isn’t to get your mum in trouble but may well lead to help. If police come out they will send an alert to social services which may start the process off in a more timely manner for you.

I would also continue to contact the GP detailing times and dates of concerning incidents. Do things in writing if you can as they will go on your mum’s record for the future.

Would your mum accept it if a GP turned up at the door? They may refuse to do that but it’s always worth an ask.

My mum wouldn’t go to the GP herself, but my Dad told his nurse and mum was invited in for a ‘check up’ and this got her ball rolling.

I would have thought with Bi-Polar involved too it would be most useful for psychiatrist input aswell.

Take care x