I really feel for your situation and it resonates with our own. I am carer for my MIL, vascular dementia and Alzheimer's. She has only one son, my husband, myself and our 3 children. Thankfully he has LPA both types. If you don't already have an LPA I strongly advise you get one in place asap.
My MIL lives alone a 30 min or so drive away. She has one older brother nearly 80 who is a cause of much upset and distress to all. We believe he is also suffering memory loss. Sadly this just adds to the stress. He winds up MIL when he sees her and then we get phone calls and questions
MIL was a midwife and nurse for all of her career, she is now 74, but still looks "well" and can articulate well........mostly in the "moment" she is lucid. We have had a diagnosis for coming up 4 years, but we are sure she has had problems much longer, maybe 6-7 years, it took us a year to get a diagnosis. She cared for her own mother with dementia when my husband and I were newly married and we have seen what a horrid illness this is firsthand once already, all be it at arms length. She eventually had to place her mother in a care home. She is terrified of this eventuality for her self. We have always said our aim is to keep her safe at home for as long as possible.
She really feels she is not so bad. One of her favourite comments "I only have a little bit of Alzheimer's, hardly worth mentioning really!" She lost her driving license last summer, but only because she failed a DVLA nominated test. She was shocked, but we were relieved.
I gave up work last sept, before that doing both
It has been difficult this year as she has just been steadily going downhill, despite all my best efforts. We have had to re-move her dog into our care over 3 months ago. Oh the upset and that saga still continues
Her brother has removed her whiteboard from the kitchen, "she doesn't need it!" He phones us and accuses us of all sorts
I can not go over everyday and so go mon,wed,fri and she comes her for sat & dinner. Her brother visits her supposedly tue, thur & she goes to his home for dinner sun.
Lately she isn't eating when I'm not there, she hasn't cooked anything in years. I do all cleaning & laundry and supervise food in the house. She comes shopping with me each day I'm there, it's pretty much the only time she goes out of the house.
We been having bathing issues and her med taking has gone wobbly despite having a pivotel. Phone calls- we get lots, but then when we don't get them I worry. She had an incident of not regonising our eldest son (upsetting) a couple of sat ago
Sundowning is now a feature of her evenings. But she flatly refuses ANY from of help we suggest.
In desperation we ask social services to get involved, hoping for an assessment. The social worker came out yesterday. She wouldn't agreed to it! He did on the upside say a few helpful home truths about family becoming exhausted and really she should listen to our suggestions as they come from Love!! I was tearful when he left and that did lead to an open discussion about the future, but of course she will have forgotten it all now
It's definitely a journey and the road is meandering, which can zap your energy. Sadly I have the same situation unfolding with my dad too.
Sorry rambling!!!!! I come on here and read mostly as it help's me get perspective and helpful info. I hope you will find a way to cope, I believe you will, if nothing else you'll do your best, which all any of us can do
[[Virtual hug]]