I REALLY NEED SOME HELP

[Boboozie]

Hi everyone
My Mum has been in the hospital for 3 weeks now. She has had two falls in hospital plus the one before she came into Hospital. She cannot go back to Independent Living as we do not think Mum would be safe on her own. Her Dementia seems to be getting really bad. We had a meeting with a hospital Social Worker last week.
It was awful and I ended up in tears. She did not know anything about my Mum. No notes etc and when I spoke she put her hand in front of my face to stop me which I thought was rather rude. Yes I understand that she need to talk to Mum without me Talking for her but what Mum was saying was not true.
At the end of this meeting it was decided that Mum had no Mental Capacity to decide where she wants to live.
We want her to go into a Care Home and Mum agrees with anything we say. But that of course is not good enough. We decided not to bother with Power of Attorney which I now realise was a mistake. I have no ideas left. I have made so many phone calls over the last months, years in fact and I have always done what we all thought was the best thing for Mum.
I now feel Mentally Exhausted about everything. The thought of making another phone call about Mum is making me feel more stressed. I haven't got any more fight left in me. I do not know what to do anymore.

 

[Amethyst59]

This is such a stressful situation. What suggestion was made by the social worker? It sounds as if a care home might be agreed by everyone?

 

[Hazara8]

Hi everyone
My Mum has been in the hospital for 3 weeks now. She has had two falls in hospital plus the one before she came into Hospital. She cannot go back to Independent Living as we do not think Mum would be safe on her own. Her Dementia seems to be getting really bad. We had a meeting with a hospital Social Worker last week.
It was awful and I ended up in tears. She did not know anything about my Mum. No notes etc and when I spoke she put her hand in front of my face to stop me which I thought was rather rude. Yes I understand that she need to talk to Mum without me Talking for her but what Mum was saying was not true.
At the end of this meeting it was decided that Mum had no Mental Capacity to decide where she wants to live.
We want her to go into a Care Home and Mum agrees with anything we say. But that of course is not good enough. We decided not to bother with Power of Attorney which I now realise was a mistake. I have no ideas left. I have made so many phone calls over the last months, years in fact and I have always done what we all thought was the best thing for Mum.
I now feel Mentally Exhausted about everything. The thought of making another phone call about Mum is making me feel more stressed. I haven't got any more fight left in me. I do not know what to do anymore.

As Mental Capacity now determines where your mother will live and you do not hold POA nor LPA for health and welfare, it appears from what you say that the Social Worker makes the decision, combined with other professionals (mental health team in the hospital) and most certainly YOURSELF and family. The best interests of your mother are paramount. You now have to think for your mother in this respect. The Care Home seems logical and satisfactory to you. I can understand someone wishing to 'assess' the mental, capacity of an individual, without distraction (as Memory Teams do) - just as long as they do have a very firm handle on dementia per se. This is not always the case in the hospital environment. I am afraid that folk do not seem to appreciate just how others feel in these situations, i.e. YOU. If there is a 'Liaison Team' or 'Discharge Team' at that hospital, ensure that you make contact and express your concerns. You have every right and no one at all should add to your stress in all of this. Unforgivable.

Hi everyone
My Mum has been in the hospital for 3 weeks now. She has had two falls in hospital plus the one before she came into Hospital. She cannot go back to Independent Living as we do not think Mum would be safe on her own. Her Dementia seems to be getting really bad. We had a meeting with a hospital Social Worker last week.
It was awful and I ended up in tears. She did not know anything about my Mum. No notes etc and when I spoke she put her hand in front of my face to stop me which I thought was rather rude. Yes I understand that she need to talk to Mum without me Talking for her but what Mum was saying was not true.
At the end of this meeting it was decided that Mum had no Mental Capacity to decide where she wants to live.
We want her to go into a Care Home and Mum agrees with anything we say. But that of course is not good enough. We decided not to bother with Power of Attorney which I now realise was a mistake. I have no ideas left. I have made so many phone calls over the last months, years in fact and I have always done what we all thought was the best thing for Mum.
I now feel Mentally Exhausted about everything. The thought of making another phone call about Mum is making me feel more stressed. I haven't got any more fight left in me. I do not know what to do anymore.

 

[Boboozie]

This is such a stressful situation. What suggestion was made by the social worker? It sounds as if a care home might be agreed by everyone?

The Social Worker did not really agree or disagree!! I think Mum has now got to have a Mental Capacity Assessment?