i need to talk


Registered User
May 25, 2008
west midlands
ok. so i sent a thread on here a couple of days ago about seeing my mom in the home and her not recognising me. i finally got up and dusted myself off yesterday, only to be forcefully pushed back into the dust-ridden angst that i had pulled myself out of.

i had a call about an hour ago off my nan, saying my mom had just been taken into intensive care because she had been in a fit all day since this morning. i actually felt faint when she told me. they have put her to sleep so her anxiety doesnt make the fits worse. there is a chance that she could lapse into a coma if they are not careful. im so scared. i have to go see her tomorrow and im torn. i dont know what to do, i dont know whether i want to see her with wires coming out of her, i dont want to see her so frail and fragile. im only 22, my mom is 44 and she is in the later stages of this most horrible disease. i hope i have the strength to see her tomorrow. im so glad i can come on here and just say what i feel.

words of wisdom and comfort? they would be welcome.


Registered User
Jul 31, 2007
Dear Sara,
I am so sorry to read about your Mother. Your Mother is young and I sincerely hope that you will soon have better news.
As for visiting, yes it would be hard but on the other hand if you do not go you may regret it at a later stage.
It is a very hard decision for anyone to make and you are so young yourself.
If you do go, even if it is to sit there and hold your Mother's hands.
Which ever you decide to do I wish you the very best


Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
Hello - I am so sorry to hear your story. Not sure that I can offer anything useful. It is so sad to hear of your Mum and the devastating effect on you at such an early age.

Just thinking about you. Love Jan


Registered User
Mar 13, 2008
Dear Sara,

I don't know if I can offer you words of wisdom, but I hope it's some comfort knowing that you have Talking Point to turn to in your hour of need.

I think it's a tragedy that you and your family are having to go through this with your mum, who is so young. I don't know what I can say to you to ease the pain you're going through. I think this may well be one of the most difficult things you'll ever have to deal with. Try not to build up pictures of how it will be when you see her tomorrow, if thats what you chose to do.
It won't be easy seeing her so poorly, but if she's been sedated she may be quite peaceful. If you feel you want to see her. Before you go in explain to a nurse how you're feeling and that you're scared to see her and ask them what you should expect to see and they may be able to prepare you for anything that may scare or upset you before you go in. You can also at that point, if you feel you won't be able to handle it, decide not to go in.
It's your choice at the end of the day. I'm sure, if your mum was well, she would understand completely.

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, and I wish you strength to deal with this.

Jane x


Registered User
Mar 6, 2007
hi im so sorry to hear about your mum. I know this doesnt compare but i felt the same when my uncle first went into a secure unit in hospital after wondering about in the dark, i was dreading seeing him deteriorte and i didnt know whether to visit or not. Being young like you i had no experience in the situation, in fact i didnt know what to say when i got there- i must have rehearsed all my words but when i first saw him i couldnt think of any of them. Going into the hospital helped me because i could see what the situation was for myself, although i was upset i knew it was neccessary and would hopefully help my uncle to recover. What helped me was thinking about all the good times we had , i took them with me in my head and imagined i was talking to the healthy uncle i knew before all this happened.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do, someone will always be here to talk :)
lv lauren xxxx


Registered User
Jun 4, 2008
North west England.
Dear sara,
So sorry to read about your mother, but personally I feel you must be strong and visit her to-morrow. I know from a past experience how difficult it will be but I felt I had to be there and took comfort from being in the room and being able to hold hands.
Whatever you decide I will be thinking of you.


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Dear Sara

There's absolutely no right or wrong here, and no pressure. You've just had an awful shock.

If you feel that you can do it, then go and see your mum. It will be hard, but I think you'll feel better afterwards.

If you honestly feel you can't face it, then leave it a while. Once you get over the shock, and more used to the idea that your mum's so ill, you may feel you want to see her.

Try not to worry tonight, just see how you feel in the morning.

I'll be thinking of you,



Registered User
Jun 3, 2005
Hi Sara

I'm so sorry about your Mum's early-onset dementia, and her current state of health.

What jumped out at me from your post was the use of the word 'coma' (as used by your Nan) and I wonder whether the word itself may have frightened her more than was necessary. No offence meant, and I'll explain what I mean.

It's now quite a common hospital procedure to medically induce coma in a controlled way, to allow a patients brain to recover from shock, exhaustion etc. A friend of mine who had quite a severe stroke earlier this year was treated in this way, and was unconscious for the first week. But he is about 90% recovered now, & still progressing. It's a tried & tested modern treatment, whereas 20 or 30 years ago "coma" meant something caused by injury to the brain, and life threatening of itself.

I'm not saying that your Mum's condition isn't serious and cause for great concern, but just trying to explain what I think may have been a misunderstanding of what your Nan was told.

Best wishes


Registered User
Feb 13, 2008
Hi Sara

I hope you will find the courage to go and see your mum. You will then be able to put the dark thoughts to the back of your mind. Sometimes its the not knowing that can make the situation worse. First ask on the ward how your mum is doing and if you are still unsure tell them how you are feeling and I am sure someone will take the time to be with you.
My thoughts are with you.
Love AndreaX