I don't care if anyone reads this, offers advice or support.... I just need somewhere to get thoughts out of my head where I believe I won't get judged or these thoughts affect the relationships I have with people around me.
It's been a tough day, arranged to meet my mum (PWD) at her flat and go for lunch and then into our local larger town at her request for something specific but she was unable to say what. Cue lengthy discussion on where to go for lunch so it would be quiet and not full of kids (it's still Easter holidays in our area) and much prompting to work out what she needed from town (turned out to be socks from M&S as hers has a hole).
So we have an enjoyable lunch and chat about various things, occasionally having to repeat things and get her focus from the cute tot grinning at her from the next table, but that was okay.
On the drive into town she did the usual "glad you know where to go, I've never been down here before" that's common if it's a route we don't do at least a couple of times a month. I had to exhaust a complete list of car-parks and streets we could use to walk into town before she decided we'd park in an out of town centre with a shop she'd like to look in. I lost her in said shop twice and this was when the "are we done"s started.
The "are we done"s are frequent on any shopping trip that involves more than one shop and more than the shops she wants to look in. I've given up trying to shop for myself when I'm with her - even if it means taking her home, making an excuse and going back to the shops alone. We used to spend days on mum and daughter shopping trips, travelling to big cities like Manchester and York and spending 4-5 hours browsing round and having lunch, can't imagine ever doing that again.
So we walk into town and go to the post office, where she gets in the way, nearly looses my place in the queue as I was hunting for something in my bag and is a bit of a nuisance, but it was the one thing I needed to do. We get her socks - I've never seen someone take so long to decide over a pack of ankle socks that no-one will see but them! She pays whilst I carry on browsing. I ask where else or if it was "home James" - she said she was done, and if I didn't want to go anywhere then home it was - I did want to look for a new hoody but couldn't cope with her "which shop" "where is it" "why do you want that" and all the other questions so I said we'd head home.
We got back to hers and I needed to respond to a few emails and do something to a spreadsheet for a group I volunteer at. She stood there and tapped the radiator and stared at me. This is now the norm, she taps.... Anything she can: her hand against her bag/a wall/radiator/chair or her feet. It's annoying, if there's music playing the tapping doesn't coordinate, she's got a rhythm going on in her head that no one else is party to (my gran used to tap too but not noisily as it would be slippered feet against carpet, fingers playing an invisible piano on her chair arm). She gets a glare from me and stops for a while, but I've no idea why she stares. Her social skills are deminishing: she burps and farts without an "excuse me" amongst other things I can't think of now.
She wants to see me every day off I get (I work full time, any 5 days out of 7), but I can't talk to her for more than an hour or so... She'll think of something to tell/ask me get half way through and lose her train of thought, which frustrates me as it must have been important for her to want to tell me.
I love her so much, and it's breaking my heart and frustrating the hell out of me to see her like this... And it's early stages and mild, how I'm going to be later in is beyond me.
We've not seen the GP since memory clinic diagnosis (a month ago) and I think we need to. But mum's favourite GP left the surgery and she doesn't seem to trust any of the others, depending on her mood that can know what they are talking about or be saying complete rubbish!
Feeling better and like I might be able to sleep now I've cleared my head... If anyone did read this, thanks and I think you need a medal for getting to the end.
It's been a tough day, arranged to meet my mum (PWD) at her flat and go for lunch and then into our local larger town at her request for something specific but she was unable to say what. Cue lengthy discussion on where to go for lunch so it would be quiet and not full of kids (it's still Easter holidays in our area) and much prompting to work out what she needed from town (turned out to be socks from M&S as hers has a hole).
So we have an enjoyable lunch and chat about various things, occasionally having to repeat things and get her focus from the cute tot grinning at her from the next table, but that was okay.
On the drive into town she did the usual "glad you know where to go, I've never been down here before" that's common if it's a route we don't do at least a couple of times a month. I had to exhaust a complete list of car-parks and streets we could use to walk into town before she decided we'd park in an out of town centre with a shop she'd like to look in. I lost her in said shop twice and this was when the "are we done"s started.
The "are we done"s are frequent on any shopping trip that involves more than one shop and more than the shops she wants to look in. I've given up trying to shop for myself when I'm with her - even if it means taking her home, making an excuse and going back to the shops alone. We used to spend days on mum and daughter shopping trips, travelling to big cities like Manchester and York and spending 4-5 hours browsing round and having lunch, can't imagine ever doing that again.
So we walk into town and go to the post office, where she gets in the way, nearly looses my place in the queue as I was hunting for something in my bag and is a bit of a nuisance, but it was the one thing I needed to do. We get her socks - I've never seen someone take so long to decide over a pack of ankle socks that no-one will see but them! She pays whilst I carry on browsing. I ask where else or if it was "home James" - she said she was done, and if I didn't want to go anywhere then home it was - I did want to look for a new hoody but couldn't cope with her "which shop" "where is it" "why do you want that" and all the other questions so I said we'd head home.
We got back to hers and I needed to respond to a few emails and do something to a spreadsheet for a group I volunteer at. She stood there and tapped the radiator and stared at me. This is now the norm, she taps.... Anything she can: her hand against her bag/a wall/radiator/chair or her feet. It's annoying, if there's music playing the tapping doesn't coordinate, she's got a rhythm going on in her head that no one else is party to (my gran used to tap too but not noisily as it would be slippered feet against carpet, fingers playing an invisible piano on her chair arm). She gets a glare from me and stops for a while, but I've no idea why she stares. Her social skills are deminishing: she burps and farts without an "excuse me" amongst other things I can't think of now.
She wants to see me every day off I get (I work full time, any 5 days out of 7), but I can't talk to her for more than an hour or so... She'll think of something to tell/ask me get half way through and lose her train of thought, which frustrates me as it must have been important for her to want to tell me.
I love her so much, and it's breaking my heart and frustrating the hell out of me to see her like this... And it's early stages and mild, how I'm going to be later in is beyond me.
We've not seen the GP since memory clinic diagnosis (a month ago) and I think we need to. But mum's favourite GP left the surgery and she doesn't seem to trust any of the others, depending on her mood that can know what they are talking about or be saying complete rubbish!
Feeling better and like I might be able to sleep now I've cleared my head... If anyone did read this, thanks and I think you need a medal for getting to the end.