My name is Caz.
I’m feeling like I don’t know where to turn, and I’m hoping that perhaps someone here may be able to give me some sage advice.
Dad was diagnosed with subcortical vascular dementia starting around 5 years ago arising mostly from a series of strokes, TIAs and a heart attack. He is in denial of the dementia, refuses to acknowledge with the doctors that he’s ever been told about it and has gradually been getting worse in his symptoms over the years. At this point in time, he has a troubled short term memory, altough this is controlled by a calendar for dates and he can pretty much recall recent events, but he has many spaces in his longer term memories, for instance he forgets about operations hes had etc. His temperament has changed and he is cranky, depressed and moody and not a very nice person to know and has alienated pretty much all of his friends and family apart from his wife, myself and my husband.
His wife/my mum, has Altzheimers or a more traditional form of short term memory loss I guess, you would call it. She appears to be living sometime in the past, a few months behind us now and can not remember anything recent. My dad wrote off his car last week (he has finally given up driving thankfully as a result) and yet Mum had forgotten the incident within 5 minutes of the accident happening. Something so major and yet she couldn’t recall it.
The thing is Mum has developed a habit of humming quietly to herself, she loves classical music and I suspect that she is “listening” to orchestrated music in her head. While doing this she is happy in her own world, and I’ve noticed that she taps her hand along to her gentle tunes. Every so often though she will bang her hand on her legs as if the music is coming to an end, or maybe it’s the start of the 1812 overture (who knows?) but she hits her leg hard and seems quite happy in herself doing it. It’s been a bit of a joke between us, up until what I witnessed today!
I’d asked Mum if she would swap seats with me in their front room, (I was over visiting as I am going away for 5 days and wanted to talk to both of them). Mum was really reluctant to move into the chair closer to Dad, but I assumed it was because the chair I was sitting in looked out of the window where she loves watching the traffic go by (it still could be the reason). However, after she had moved into the new chair next to Dad, it was long before she started humming her tune and she was tapping out her notes and soon she let out three sharp bangs on her leg. Slap slap slap. To which my dad then stood up and slapped her three times really hard in her leg !
Harder than she had hit herself. She told him to get of and leave her alone and he sat down as I said to him that there was no need to slap Mum. Then Dad said well it interrupts my TV programs and it wakes me up when I’m sleeping!
Mum left the room at this point and I said to him that it was unlikely that Mum would stop slapping her leg and that it was part of her singing to herself. That it was part of her dementia and that she wasn’t doing it to annoy him. His reply was “well it might just discourage her a bit”. I was really shocked by his reply!
He then got up and walked out to use the bathroom.
I later asked Mum how often he slapped her and she said “No, he’s never slapped me and if he ever did it would be in an affectionate manner”
Mum and Dad were the sweetest couple ever, Dad would never have allowed anyone to harm Mum in anyway when I was younger and would be devastated if he realised what he was doing. I know it’s the dementia altering his perception but I’m at a loss as to what I should do now.
So, here I am. Asking for advice? Please there must be someone out there who can point me in the right direction?
I’m feeling like I don’t know where to turn, and I’m hoping that perhaps someone here may be able to give me some sage advice.
Dad was diagnosed with subcortical vascular dementia starting around 5 years ago arising mostly from a series of strokes, TIAs and a heart attack. He is in denial of the dementia, refuses to acknowledge with the doctors that he’s ever been told about it and has gradually been getting worse in his symptoms over the years. At this point in time, he has a troubled short term memory, altough this is controlled by a calendar for dates and he can pretty much recall recent events, but he has many spaces in his longer term memories, for instance he forgets about operations hes had etc. His temperament has changed and he is cranky, depressed and moody and not a very nice person to know and has alienated pretty much all of his friends and family apart from his wife, myself and my husband.
His wife/my mum, has Altzheimers or a more traditional form of short term memory loss I guess, you would call it. She appears to be living sometime in the past, a few months behind us now and can not remember anything recent. My dad wrote off his car last week (he has finally given up driving thankfully as a result) and yet Mum had forgotten the incident within 5 minutes of the accident happening. Something so major and yet she couldn’t recall it.
The thing is Mum has developed a habit of humming quietly to herself, she loves classical music and I suspect that she is “listening” to orchestrated music in her head. While doing this she is happy in her own world, and I’ve noticed that she taps her hand along to her gentle tunes. Every so often though she will bang her hand on her legs as if the music is coming to an end, or maybe it’s the start of the 1812 overture (who knows?) but she hits her leg hard and seems quite happy in herself doing it. It’s been a bit of a joke between us, up until what I witnessed today!
I’d asked Mum if she would swap seats with me in their front room, (I was over visiting as I am going away for 5 days and wanted to talk to both of them). Mum was really reluctant to move into the chair closer to Dad, but I assumed it was because the chair I was sitting in looked out of the window where she loves watching the traffic go by (it still could be the reason). However, after she had moved into the new chair next to Dad, it was long before she started humming her tune and she was tapping out her notes and soon she let out three sharp bangs on her leg. Slap slap slap. To which my dad then stood up and slapped her three times really hard in her leg !
Harder than she had hit herself. She told him to get of and leave her alone and he sat down as I said to him that there was no need to slap Mum. Then Dad said well it interrupts my TV programs and it wakes me up when I’m sleeping!
Mum left the room at this point and I said to him that it was unlikely that Mum would stop slapping her leg and that it was part of her singing to herself. That it was part of her dementia and that she wasn’t doing it to annoy him. His reply was “well it might just discourage her a bit”. I was really shocked by his reply!
He then got up and walked out to use the bathroom.
I later asked Mum how often he slapped her and she said “No, he’s never slapped me and if he ever did it would be in an affectionate manner”
Mum and Dad were the sweetest couple ever, Dad would never have allowed anyone to harm Mum in anyway when I was younger and would be devastated if he realised what he was doing. I know it’s the dementia altering his perception but I’m at a loss as to what I should do now.
So, here I am. Asking for advice? Please there must be someone out there who can point me in the right direction?
