I lost mum on the 14th

[T1000]

Just need a space to put my pain and loss.
I feel so lost, it was very sudden and unfair. She was still active going out and we had just met for coffee on the Friday.
How can she suddenly be gone on Sunday.
I am trying to take solace that she was independent until the end, she still remembered all our names.
But it doesn't work.
I don't have mum mum anymore.
The world feels scary and I am loneley

 

[SeaSwallow]

Oh dear @T1000 my heart goes out to you. It is so hard when we lose a loved one especially when it is so sudden.
You are right to try to remember that your mum was so independent and that she remembered all of your names, it might be hard now but gradually, slowly, it will be easier.
Please remember that you are not totally alone, you have all of us here on the forum who understand a little of what you are going through.

 

[T1000]

Oh dear @T1000 my heart goes out to you. It is so hard when we lose a loved one especially when it is so sudden.
You are right to try to remember that your mum was so independent and that she remembered all of your names, it might be hard now but gradually, slowly, it will be easier.
Please remember that you are not totally alone, you have all of us here on the forum who understand a little of what you are going through.

I feel so empty and alone, my husband and son I am so worried about but I can't focus enough

 

[SeaSwallow]

I feel so empty and alone, my husband and son I am so worried about but I can't focus enough

It's early days yet, give your self time to grieve. I am sure that your husband and son will understand how you feel. xx

 

[Jale]

So sorry for your loss of your Mum @T1000, I hope in time when your heart isn't so raw and broken you will be able to remember that your Mum was still independent and knew you all.

Not quite the same, but when I lost my Dad (de didn't have dementia) it came totally out of the blue and was so unexpected it really knocked me for six, but looking back I can just about feel "glad" that he didn't lay and suffer because I don't think I could ever have got through that.

It is still very early days, be kind to yourself, take 1 day at a time and keep posting if you feel the need, you will still find people very supportive.

 

[Jane3]

take comfort from the fact she didn't have the protracted end that others do ,I can understand your shock and loss and my heart goes out to you,
this forum is a source of great comfort , you have your family be with them and the love will take you through

 

[sdmhred]

Of course you feel this way @T1000
You are in the first stages of overwhelming grief.
im so glad you feel safe to vent your loss and loneliness with us.
Please continue to as much as you need.

 

[T1000]

take comfort from the fact she didn't have the protracted end that others do ,I can understand your shock and loss and my heart goes out to you,
this forum is a source of great comfort , you have your family be with them and the love will take you through

thank you this is what I have been trying to tell myself in my more rational moments, it is what she would have wanted, but I just miss her so very much and want her back

 

[T1000]

Of course you feel this way @T1000
You are in the first stages of overwhelming grief.
im so glad you feel safe to vent your loss and loneliness with us.
Please continue to as much as you need.

I do feel so alone, have asked people to keep in touch, but it is so isolating and I have no friends that have lost their mum

 

[Evo 2810 ke]

I lost my lovely husband on 6th January unfortunately I had to place him in care on 30th November as I was just exhausted picking him up off the floor several times a night
I am struggling desperately with guilt it seems it was his demise to just wither away after leaving our home
if I hadn’t been so selfish and kept him with me we may be in a different position now
i look at my son every day and see his heart ache (my daughter understood the awkward position)
I don’t think I will ever forgive myself
The hell we lived in daily was unimaginable
How is it that I could miss this
I struggle to remember normal

 

[Jane3]

oh my goodness you did everything you could . time will help you realise this.xx

 

[T1000]

I feel guilty she was not living with us anymore. I protected her over covid, but after 3 years in our home she and we benefited from her being independent in a home. She still went out, and even went to an event on the 10th April that she loved. We met her on the 12th for coffee here at my home, my eldest brother was down and he had not seen her for 6 months. He then spent Sat with her and he headed back north that night. How is it that on Sunday i then have the 3 worst calls of my life, finding out then calling my 2 siblings.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @T1000

This is dreadful for you but honestly what I would want for myself.

I have no fear of death but do fear a long drawn out period of dying. Your mother has been spared that.

You are the one suffering now and I`m really sorry you are in such deep shock and sadness.

 

[sdmhred]

I feel guilty she was not living with us anymore. I protected her over covid, but after 3 years in our home she and we benefited from her being independent in a home. She still went out, and even went to an event on the 10th April that she loved. We met her on the 12th for coffee here at my home, my eldest brother was down and he had not seen her for 6 months. He then spent Sat with her and he headed back north that night. How is it that on Sunday i then have the 3 worst calls of my life, finding out then calling my 2 siblings.

Keep posting @T1000
You are in the shock of grief and it’s awful - no one can deny that.
Its so very natural and normal for the brain and body to be outraged at what has happened and that awful Sunday after such good memories a few days before.

Your love and care for your mum shines through xxxx

 

[T1000]

Hello @T1000

This is dreadful for you but honestly what I would want for myself.

I have no fear of death but do fear a long drawn out period of dying. Your mother has been spared that.

You are the one suffering now and I`m really sorry you are in such deep shock and sadness.

Thank you yes she would have said this, and did sometimes when she had depression. I think the fact it was spring, we were talking about not needing coats, garden plans and summer, we would go shopping next week for a water feature she could enjoy at the garden in the home, so we both had the same fairy water feature. I will still do this in rememberance and they would like this at the home.

 

[T1000]

Keep posting @T1000
You are in the shock of grief and it’s awful - no one can deny that.
Its so very natural and normal for the brain and body to be outraged at what has happened and that awful Sunday after such good memories a few days before.

Your love and care for your mum shines through xxxx

thank you, it is very cruel and I also know the more I fight it the more I suffer, she wouldn't want this but I can't help it right now

 

[Hazara8]

thank you, it is very cruel and I also know the more I fight it the more I suffer, she wouldn't want this but I can't help it right now

Grief is no man's land and we are all different in that respect. The loss of a mother is huge when you have that profound attachment and if unexpected it is magnified. Don't try and fight any feelings nor expression of loss. Go with it. Nobody can alter fact. Denial of both that and feelings only exacerbates the pain. We are all related on this planet in life and death. Being able to communicate feelings, our individual stories, both here and with those who truly understand these challenging times, is a kind of therapy of sharing. Sharing your story will help many others too realise they are also not alone when loss enters their life. That can only be a real source of comfort...

 

[sdmhred]

Such wise words @Hazara8

 

[Hima]

I understand your pain. It is okay to feel lost and lonely. Cry out as much as you can and let the pain go. Take things one step at a time. We are all with you. Please please take care.

 

[T1000]

Grief is no man's land and we are all different in that respect. The loss of a mother is huge when you have that profound attachment and if unexpected it is magnified. Don't try and fight any feelings nor expression of loss. Go with it. Nobody can alter fact. Denial of both that and feelings only exacerbates the pain. We are all related on this planet in life and death. Being able to communicate feelings, our individual stories, both here and with those who truly understand these challenging times, is a kind of therapy of sharing. Sharing your story will help many others too realise they are also not alone when loss enters their life. That can only be a real source of comfort...

Thank you Hazara, earlier in life we had a harder relationship but since 2020 I was her carer, so I kind of built my world around her needs and increasing quality of life. We had some wonderful trips and thankfully I work part time so was able to not be constantly working, I guess I still wish I could have done more. Feel gult over finding her a home end of 2022 but it benefitted us both . But I know logically mum was all I thought about and worried about. Then I feel guilty about relief, even though she spoke many times in depressive states about not wanting to buren us anymore, she was so tired. Then last couple of years had been very good and she had found a little joy despite the pain and sitll had her independence and was going out herself which is solace and she was a very proud lady. The carers in the home told me she was stuggling descending into alzheimers and that I helped her alot in those harder moments. I am in so much pain though