I’ve been supporting my father caring for my mum for many years. He was her full time carer and her disease progression has been familiar to many, marked by difficult behaviour, isolation (for him), lack of sleep and incontinence. I’ve spent time mid week and at weekends offering him support and company, taking them out, personal care for mum and occasionally staying over to look after them. In that time I’ve also taken over responsibility for being my sister’s main advocate. She is in a nursing home and I visit, take her out and keep on top of finances and medical appointments. So neither is a full time caring role. But I have a family and a full time job. So it all feels very full time.
I’ve been aware that my emotional state has become increasingly fragile and asked for a carers assessment. (I’d been identified as a carer by the hospital when visiting to support my sister and was going to ask them about registering my dad.). Not sure what I thought this would give me but I was fairly desperate and reaching out for help in any form. The CSW failed to follow up on this and after chasing for two months I decided it made me feel worse and based on her lack of response wasn’t going to offer me much support. A few weeks ago I had a meltdown with mum in hospital and the discharge coordinator referred me to the hospital based CSW. She missed our first appointment as she’d forgotten about it so I waited 30 precious minutes in my oversubscribed life and left. We rearranged to yesterday and she let me know (kindly) during our meeting that I’m no longer entitled to any help because mum is now end of life in a nursing home.
I’m apparently no longer a carer. My life has not changed though. I still support my dad, mum, sister in my evenings and weekends. I don’t live with them so anything I do in those hours counts as zero. I’m an imposter of a carer. An exhausted and depressed imposter.
I went home feeling worse than I did when I went into the meeting. I’ve never pretended my life was a full time carer and always respected the work of my dad who was full time. But the free time I have away from work is spent either thinking of them or practically supporting them. I think I had two evenings off this week. I’m not sure what I want from this post but I think it’s just to talk. The door to emotional support via CSW was slammed in my face with a firm “who do you think you are” message yesterday and I’m struggling.
I’ve been aware that my emotional state has become increasingly fragile and asked for a carers assessment. (I’d been identified as a carer by the hospital when visiting to support my sister and was going to ask them about registering my dad.). Not sure what I thought this would give me but I was fairly desperate and reaching out for help in any form. The CSW failed to follow up on this and after chasing for two months I decided it made me feel worse and based on her lack of response wasn’t going to offer me much support. A few weeks ago I had a meltdown with mum in hospital and the discharge coordinator referred me to the hospital based CSW. She missed our first appointment as she’d forgotten about it so I waited 30 precious minutes in my oversubscribed life and left. We rearranged to yesterday and she let me know (kindly) during our meeting that I’m no longer entitled to any help because mum is now end of life in a nursing home.
I’m apparently no longer a carer. My life has not changed though. I still support my dad, mum, sister in my evenings and weekends. I don’t live with them so anything I do in those hours counts as zero. I’m an imposter of a carer. An exhausted and depressed imposter.
I went home feeling worse than I did when I went into the meeting. I’ve never pretended my life was a full time carer and always respected the work of my dad who was full time. But the free time I have away from work is spent either thinking of them or practically supporting them. I think I had two evenings off this week. I’m not sure what I want from this post but I think it’s just to talk. The door to emotional support via CSW was slammed in my face with a firm “who do you think you are” message yesterday and I’m struggling.