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I hate this disease.


Registered User
Aug 31, 2015
Swindon, Wiltshire
I'm sorry, but this is going to be a rant.

I went to see my grandparents yesterday, we go every 4 weeks, I wish I could go more, but it's a 2-hour drive. My 94-year-old Grandfather has dementia and my 92-year-old Grandmother is his sole carer. They live in the middle of nowhere so they're very isolated.

4 weeks ago my Grandfather knew who I was if reminded but didn't know who my husband of 20 years was nor my 16-year-old daughter. Yesterday he thought I was my older cousin. I went along with it as to not upset him. I guess this is so hard because I've been here before. 20 years ago my maternal Grt Grandfather died of dementia, but it took so much longer. He had the first signs 15 before he died and he gradually forgot me. I remember when I was 15 he sent me a happy 5th birthday card, by the end he thought I was my grandmother (his daughter). This time it's all going so fast. I hate it soo much.

It doesn't help that my Grandmother is clearly showing signs of depression, but she won't ask for help. She's never had to ask anyone for help in her life My Grandfather always did everything and took care of her. Now she's having to take on all the bills and paperwork plus care for him. She doesn't resent him nor is she mad about having for care for him, as she said she married for better or worse, in sickness and in health, but she's struggling. I'm doing all I can, but it's hard when I live so far away. Put it this way, I've seen her cry more in the last 24 hours than I have in 40 years! It broke my heart to see her so tired and upset.

Usually, we get there at 10.30 and leave at 3.30 and she'll be on the go the whole time, no matter what we say! Yesterday she had to stop and rest several times and by 2 she was sat in the chair barely able to move and for the first time she let us help her!!

She's going for a carer's assessment with her GP in 3 weeks. I'm hoping that he'll pick up on how bad things are and talk her into getting some help. I'm going to see if there's any way I can get down there that day so I can go with her.

I'm trying to get an alert card set up for her. The carers centre said if she called them they'd do it but she didn't want to call them as she was worried she'd have to answer more personal questions. She's asked me to do it so I'm going to call them on Monday, but I'm worried that won't be enough. She hasn't got a care plan in place. I tried to explain to her what they are and why she needs one but she got confused and upset. Is there any way I can set one up for her? I can work with my Dad and sort out the details. It doesn't help that she's in a different health authority. I know how mine works but haven't got a clue how hers does.

Sorry, I did say this was going to be a rant! I just hate seeing two people who were always in control and were very intellectual reduced to tears over the simplest task.

One other question. When my husband registered as my carer he just told his GP. My grandmother was sent a huge form asking really personal questions by her health authority. Is that normal?? She struggled to fill it in so I helped her. Just curious if it's just her HA or if others do that too.

Thanks for reading all this. I think I just needed to type it more than getting answers but any help would be great!

Vicki x


Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
Two people in their nineties with no help of any kind! It is hard to understand how this is allowed to happen unless they have turned down offers in the past. The GP and other contacts must be remiss in not alerting social services to at least call and talk to them and see how they can be helped. I despair at the thought of such vulnerable people on their own. Families are often some distance away nowadays and consideration should be given to that.


Registered User
Aug 31, 2015
Swindon, Wiltshire
They've always been fit and healthy until now. My Grandmother only stopped going to the gym 3 years ago! Wish I was that healthy now! lol!

I'm livid with the GP surgery. She's been trying to get an appointment for her carers assessment for 6 weeks! In the end, the carers centre called up and told they it was being done. Even then they booked it for the end of September (It was booked the middle of August) I'm sorry but 3 months to sort an assessment is stupid.

My grandmother keeps saying she doesn't want strangers in because my grandfather gets confused but she needs help. The problem is I'm the one pushing all the time. It would help if social services or the GP helped a bit! I get they're busy but surely it's their job??

To be honest I'm pretty close to blowing at someone. I just want to make sure it's the right person!!


Registered User
Aug 15, 2015
Just a suggestion but wherever you returned that form too can you not put a letter in with the form or sent independently to make them more aware of the whole situation and say what grandmother was like and is now and how she's declining too. Then when they make the assessment that should be considered to. I'd include my telephone number too so they can ring you if they want, three months waiting seems to be common I'm afraid isn't it great what the caring government is doing?


Registered User
Mar 11, 2012
To be honest I'm pretty close to blowing at someone. I just want to make sure it's the right person!!
I can understand your frustrations. Your grandparents are from the "stiff upper lip" generation, but there is support available for you and your family.

The Dorset branch of AS.

You are lucky, there is an Admiral Nurse in the Dorset Area as well

They live in the middle of nowhere so they're very isolated.
These are two vulnerable people - SS and their GP should be made aware of this ASAP.