• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

I don't want to be a carer

Kate221

Registered User
Nov 24, 2019
68
0
I am living in a house with my mother and my uncle and now I have had enough. My uncle who has severe dementia is not eating much and his social worker is now expecting me to buy and make him a meal. Me and my mother are trying to find somewhere else to live to get away from the bad neighbours who have been harassing and bullying me non stop. I'm also getting support from the police. I'm aged 36 and I want to be doing my own thing instead of running around after my uncle. He was sometimes horrible to me before he got the dementia. I just can't handle it anymore having to stay in the house with him. I don't know why he just can't be taking into a care home. He also burnt toast in the toaster this morning and the fire brigade had to come down to turn the alarm off. Life the saying life is too short anyway so I just want to get on with my own life. And it's awkward sharing a house with him as I have seen him in the bathroom with his pants down I don't think I should have to deal with all this. I am just desperate to move away.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
3,413
0
Essex
The social worker shouldn't be expecting you to for your uncle you have your whole life ahead of you. The social should be discussing what care is available to you and your mum who is your uncle's primary carer. She should be discussing carers, daycentres and what other help is available. Then if your doesn't get on with these residential needs to be considered also respite care.

MaNaAk
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
63,526
0
69
Dundee
Your situation sounds awful @Kate221. The social worker can’t expect you to take up this level of care. I hope you can find somewhere else to live but your uncle should have his needs re-assessed with a view to his care being reviewed.

It might be useful for you to phone the Dementia Connect Support line and talk the situation through with someone there -

 

Paul G R

New member
Aug 11, 2020
8
0
Hi kate221,
Some people might not agree with me, but try and get in contact with your GP, and tell them how you and your mother feel, and also tell them that your uncle is their patient so they have a responsibility to help you, this is what I did at first, and after that I had the GP, Social worker and memory team, contacting me about my mother and now the social worker is finding a place for my mother in a care home.
I hope you get more help soon.
Paul
 

DaveCr1968

Registered User
Jul 5, 2020
60
0
I am living in a house with my mother and my uncle and now I have had enough. My uncle who has severe dementia is not eating much and his social worker is now expecting me to buy and make him a meal. Me and my mother are trying to find somewhere else to live to get away from the bad neighbours who have been harassing and bullying me non stop. I'm also getting support from the police. I'm aged 36 and I want to be doing my own thing instead of running around after my uncle. He was sometimes horrible to me before he got the dementia. I just can't handle it anymore having to stay in the house with him. I don't know why he just can't be taking into a care home. He also burnt toast in the toaster this morning and the fire brigade had to come down to turn the alarm off. Life the saying life is too short anyway so I just want to get on with my own life. And it's awkward sharing a house with him as I have seen him in the bathroom with his pants down I don't think I should have to deal with all this. I am just desperate to move away.
Hi Kate

If it is your Uncle's house, simply tell SS that you and your mum will be leaving on a certain date. This will force their hand because they have a legal obligation and duty of care for a vulnerable adult. They will resist (been there and done that) and you may need to stand your ground. They will make you feel horrible but I learned with my dad that it is necessary for SS to take action. They will try to transfer the duty of care onto you.

I like the suggestion of the GP as well.

Good luck and hope it works out well for you.

Dave
 

Kate221

Registered User
Nov 24, 2019
68
0
My uncle and my Mum own the house and me and my Mother are trying to find somewhere else to live my Mother has a lot of money but I'm on universal credit and we may have to rent so it's complicated. Thanks.