I don't understand 🤔

Daughters concerns

Registered User
Oct 20, 2022
27
0
Hello again
I do love that this and you are all here for me to ask questions and off load to, so thank you ❤️

My latest curiosity is not understanding how this disease works🤔

Mum lives by herself and seems to managing fine. Yes she has items in seemingly odd places but it works for her. But, when it comes to conversations she's a complete muddle🤔 Me, my son and mum are traveling down south for Christmas. It's written in her diary and I've left multiple notes, yet she's telling her friends she's not included in the travelling down south🤔
She's also telling me that her friend whom she's staying with at Christmas doesn't want her, but this isn't the case🤔

My dad also lives in our village and she remembers that they're divorced but doesn't remember having spoken to him over the last 28 years and refuses to come out with us all as a family🤔 we are all going to the pantomime together so our son doesn't end up going twice and feels like he's taking sides! No idea how that will go, probably better than I'm thinking now!

I haven't told dad the state of her memory because I know he'll be upset and I'm thinking they won't talk much and mum will probably forget by the next day and dad might not notice!!

I think this time next year will be a different one to now!! I already know that due to my husband's work we're having Christmas at home which I think will be the only option for mum as I don't think she'll manage it if she progresses as she is now😔

Thank you again for listening ❤️
 

anniedes

Registered User
Dec 3, 2023
12
0
Hi there it is very difficult for you and your family, my mum does the same she puts things in odd places all the time and says other people are doing it, very upsetting and my mum is mixed up in conversation also, I can relate to your situation, sending hugs to you and yours ❤️
 

Jessie5

Registered User
Jul 17, 2017
227
0
Hey. I don’t know the answers but sadly that is all pretty normal for dementia. My Mum has forgotten plans and not remembered for years. No system of diary, calendar, white board, reminders helped.

It is just all really sad, as she felt (and still does) abandoned by my sister and I. Despite us being in regular contact.

Yes Christmas will change. I think if you can accept that sooner rather than later it is better. I took a long time to come to terms with it and we had many really awful Christmases before the penny dropped. I finally embraced a dementia friendly Christmas on a different day, Very low key. Just a few loved ones, focus totally on her needs. Short and sweet. She really enjoyed it. We could then give the kids a Christmas Day for them, without grandparent drama. I hoped we could do that this year but I think impossible as behaviors has got a lot worse.

It is really sad.

However hopefully your Mum will enjoy the things you have planned this year. Just keep reminding (sometimes with Mum it would go in). And then remind on the day and pick up early to help her get ready on the day in case she has forgotten again. I think the art is to be flexible in your thinking. Things might pan out with her quite how you imagine. If you can go with it then that’s half the battle.

Best of luck xxx
 

Daughters concerns

Registered User
Oct 20, 2022
27
0
Thank you so much ladies ❤️

Can I ask a feminine care question!!

I've noticed a number of times now which is making me think there's a memory issue with it!?
Mum when out walking has ended up with wet trousers. She has worn pads for years and she says she's still wearing them which I'm sure is true, but this has now happened quite a lot!
I've been shopping with her for stronger pads but it's still happened.

Does any of this seem familiar?

Sorry to speak about something so personal🤔 xx
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
24,699
0
South coast
Dont worry about personal questions, nothing is off limits

You might want to check that she has positioned the pad correctly - mum started positioning it upside down so that nothing was absorbed, that it hasnt slipped or even though she says she is wearing one, she may have forgotten.

Before you go out say cheerfully, better go to the loo before we set off, then follow her in and check the pad.
Also take spare pads and clothing etc with you when you go out in case of emergencies.
 

Lawson58

Registered User
Aug 1, 2014
4,238
0
Victoria, Australia
Hello again
I do love that this and you are all here for me to ask questions and off load to, so thank you ❤️

My latest curiosity is not understanding how this disease works🤔

Mum lives by herself and seems to managing fine. Yes she has items in seemingly odd places but it works for her. But, when it comes to conversations she's a complete muddle🤔 Me, my son and mum are traveling down south for Christmas. It's written in her diary and I've left multiple notes, yet she's telling her friends she's not included in the travelling down south🤔
She's also telling me that her friend whom she's staying with at Christmas doesn't want her, but this isn't the case🤔

My dad also lives in our village and she remembers that they're divorced but doesn't remember having spoken to him over the last 28 years and refuses to come out with us all as a family🤔 we are all going to the pantomime together so our son doesn't end up going twice and feels like he's taking sides! No idea how that will go, probably better than I'm thinking now!

I haven't told dad the state of her memory because I know he'll be upset and I'm thinking they won't talk much and mum will probably forget by the next day and dad might not notice!!

I think this time next year will be a different one to now!! I already know that due to my husband's work we're having Christmas at home which I think will be the only option for mum as I don't think she'll manage it if she progresses as she is now😔

Thank you again for listening ❤️
Last year, we had a small family get together on Christmas Eve and then just us on Christmas Day which actually was nice for me as there was no pressure to get food on the table midst the chaos of gift giving. We are doing the same again this year though we could have gone to my daughter’s which will be lots of people, noise and over excited children. OH finds it difficult understanding conversations when its noisy and tends to tuck himself away in a corner..

My son always volunteers on Christmas Day helping with dinner for the homeless. I think you just have to make the most of the day and enjoy it while your mum still can.