Mum is 73 and has vascular dementia and heart disease. She is living alone in a McCarthy Stone appartment with careline in her flat and a resident House Manager who is there to "manage the building not the residents". We have home care visits twice a day to make sure Mum eats properly and takes her medication.
This has been working OK until the last few weeks. Mum will not stay in her flat and sits, with her coat on in the residents lounge "waiting for my daughter". She no longer knows how to entertain herself and is now very anxious if she is alone. The other residents are very worried about her and keep telling me what a big problem I have. Some are very kind to Mum while others are starting to think she is strange. I have been warned by the Manager that Mum has been letting strangers into the building and that if she keeps doing this we will have to "look at what we must do". It's no good telling Mum not to let people in as she just forgets 5 minutes later and after all she thinks she is being helpful.
I try to have Mum with me as much as possible but I am not able to have her living with me. My partners parents have both recently died and he is still trying to come to terms with this and help me with Mum at the same time.
Our CPN keeps telling me that there is much more we can do to keep Mum at home but I am not sure she wants to stay there any more. The trouble is when I look at care homes locally where they will take residents with memory problems my Mum doesn't seem to be as bad as the others and I worry that it will frighten her to go there. I am also being told that lots of people cope for much longer than I am and that is making me feel very guilty that I cannot do more!
Mum has worked all her life so did not have hobbies, never played games and hates bingo and quizes so all the activities at day care would be totally alien to her. She was a nurse specialising in hospice care. She used to give so much to all her patients and their families and I am so sad there isn't a nurse like Mum who can help her when we need it - there are no Admiral Nurses in this area.
Reading all the other posts on this site I know that lots of you are much further along the road than we are and are still coping with your loved ones at home. I take my hat off to you all and admire your patience and dedication. My heart tells me I should be bringing Mum to live with me but my "sensible head" tells me that this would end in tears for us all.
This has been working OK until the last few weeks. Mum will not stay in her flat and sits, with her coat on in the residents lounge "waiting for my daughter". She no longer knows how to entertain herself and is now very anxious if she is alone. The other residents are very worried about her and keep telling me what a big problem I have. Some are very kind to Mum while others are starting to think she is strange. I have been warned by the Manager that Mum has been letting strangers into the building and that if she keeps doing this we will have to "look at what we must do". It's no good telling Mum not to let people in as she just forgets 5 minutes later and after all she thinks she is being helpful.
I try to have Mum with me as much as possible but I am not able to have her living with me. My partners parents have both recently died and he is still trying to come to terms with this and help me with Mum at the same time.
Our CPN keeps telling me that there is much more we can do to keep Mum at home but I am not sure she wants to stay there any more. The trouble is when I look at care homes locally where they will take residents with memory problems my Mum doesn't seem to be as bad as the others and I worry that it will frighten her to go there. I am also being told that lots of people cope for much longer than I am and that is making me feel very guilty that I cannot do more!
Mum has worked all her life so did not have hobbies, never played games and hates bingo and quizes so all the activities at day care would be totally alien to her. She was a nurse specialising in hospice care. She used to give so much to all her patients and their families and I am so sad there isn't a nurse like Mum who can help her when we need it - there are no Admiral Nurses in this area.
Reading all the other posts on this site I know that lots of you are much further along the road than we are and are still coping with your loved ones at home. I take my hat off to you all and admire your patience and dedication. My heart tells me I should be bringing Mum to live with me but my "sensible head" tells me that this would end in tears for us all.