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I don’t know where to start

Kaylee258

New member
Mar 22, 2020
4
My dad lived over 200 miles away from myself and my husband but moved in with us just over a week ago. He had been in hospital since January due to breaking his hip and whilst having hip surgery a main artery in his leg was cut, so he has had two recent major surgeries. Due to the Coronavirus situation he was discharged to my care without a care plan or an rehabilitation to help with his walking.

On top of all this we suspect that he also has dementia he was showing signs of this before his fall, I have spoken to his gp to try and get a diagnosis but they have told us we have to wait 6 weeks after being discharged from hospital.

My dad is extremely confused, his short term memory is practically zero, he keeps asking the same question again and again and again, he won’t believe anything I tell him, he is always right. He can’t remember to use his walking frame and when I try to show him how to use the frame he just doesn’t understand me.

He doesn’t sleep of a night time and myself and my husband are physically exhausted. He asks to go to bed and by the time we get him to bed he doesn’t remember asking to go to bed. He has become obsessed with things needing to be sorted out that don’t need to be sorted out. He needs assistance from us to walk to the toilet and when he gets there he doesn’t know why he is there so we have to explain it again and again to him, when he finally realises why he is there he then says he doesn’t know how his body works in order to go to the toilet. It’s taking over an hour just to get him to go to the toilet.

It’s an endless 24 hour battle and we don’t know where to go to for help.
 

Buteo

Registered User
Mar 20, 2019
49
This sounds really tough for you, lots of people here will have experienced similar circumstances.
First stop, go to the GP - then approach social services for an assessment - for your dad and for you as carer. Twin track both approaches. I would strongly recommend approaching your local Alzheimer's society office for guidance and support.
How you'll get on in these difficult and strange times, I don't know, but you need help. Bear in mind that illness and dislocation may be creating Dementia type symptoms, so your Father urgently needs assessment and treatment. Good luck and best wishes.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
11,656
South coast
Oh my goodness. @Kaylee258 , I know that the hospitals are trying to free up beds for the coronavirus emergencies, but your dad should never have been discharged to your home in that state without a care package. People who have slid into caring would struggle with that level of care, let alone someone like you who has been chucked into the deep end!

On monday, first thing, contact Adult Social Services - tell them that you are unable to meet his needs and cannot look after him. He needs a care home, but you will probably have to be persistent.

PS - welcome to DTP
 

Kaylee258

New member
Mar 22, 2020
4
Oh my goodness. @Kaylee258 , I know that the hospitals are trying to free up beds for the coronavirus emergencies, but your dad should never have been discharged to your home in that state without a care package. People who have slid into caring would struggle with that level of care, let alone someone like you who has been chucked into the deep end!

On monday, first thing, contact Adult Social Services - tell them that you are unable to meet his needs and cannot look after him. He needs a care home, but you will probably have to be persistent.

PS - welcome to DTP
Thank you for your advice, I will be contacting adult social services in the morning.

The hospital weren’t much help trying to sort a care plan out as my dad will be a self funder and because he was moving in with me 200 miles from home he now lives under a different hospital trust.

He has been in 6 different hospitals since this started and now in a different environment living with us, I just can’t move him into care, he has had so much disruption already. 😢
 

Kaylee258

New member
Mar 22, 2020
4
This sounds really tough for you, lots of people here will have experienced similar circumstances.
First stop, go to the GP - then approach social services for an assessment - for your dad and for you as carer. Twin track both approaches. I would strongly recommend approaching your local Alzheimer's society office for guidance and support.
How you'll get on in these difficult and strange times, I don't know, but you need help. Bear in mind that illness and dislocation may be creating Dementia type symptoms, so your Father urgently needs assessment and treatment. Good luck and best wishes.
Thank you, I will contact social services ASAP tomorrow
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,087
Nottinghamshire
Welcome from me too @Kaylee258

Wow! You really have been thrown in at the deep end. As your dad is self funding you could choose a carehome for him without help from SS if this is what you feel your dad needs. Just make a few phone calls to start with and be honest about your dad’s problems and behaviour. Someone from the home should be able to assess him if they think they might be the right fit for him.

I’m not surprised that your dad was discharged from hospital without suitable care in place, the same happened to my late dad, but I am disgusted. How do they expect you to cope?

If you really think a carehome would be too disruptive then perhaps a night carer would be a solution although I believe it’s expensive and I’m not sure how it would work with the current lockdown.

It would probably be quicker to arrange things yourselves than wait for SS to do anything - they don’t move quickly - but they might be able to give you a list of homes they think might be suitable.

I hope you get some help from SS tomorrow, stress that it’s urgent and as @canary says you cant cope by yourselves.
 

Kaylee258

New member
Mar 22, 2020
4
Thank you all for your advice, SS have been fantastic with us, they have been today to assess what equipment he needed and it was with us in the hour. They have said he needs to go to a rehabilitation unit for people with dementia when a bed is available. The rehab wards have stopped people visiting so I’m now even more worried as to how he will cope without seeing us, he has been moved so many times since January already but he has always had us there to support him. I feel like I am abandoning him when he needs us most.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
11,656
South coast
No, you wont be abandoning him - you will be helping him to get the support he needs. Everything is very difficult at the moment because of the coronavirus, but hang onto that thought. An assessment centre is not the same as a hospital and from there they should be able to find a care/nursing home that will meet his needs. I know it feels terrible, but its the start to finding a place that will be best for him.
 

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