I don’t know what to do.

MowgliGirl02

Registered User
Feb 20, 2022
13
0
Hi all, mum has mixed dementia and has completely stopped eating. She still drinks but is so weak now we struggle to get her to the toilet and back. My dad, her partner is 75 and it’s killing him trying to hold her up, lift her etc. she’s just a dead weight and no help as she has no strength.
I don’t know where to start in trying to get help for us, I don’t want her to suffer and I don’t really want her in a home. I know that’s probably not going to be a choice In the long run.
who do I contact first? GP, Memory service, social services?
Can someone help?
 

Pollywobble

Registered User
Nov 13, 2023
106
0
Hi all, mum has mixed dementia and has completely stopped eating. She still drinks but is so weak now we struggle to get her to the toilet and back. My dad, her partner is 75 and it’s killing him trying to hold her up, lift her etc. she’s just a dead weight and no help as she has no strength.
I don’t know where to start in trying to get help for us, I don’t want her to suffer and I don’t really want her in a home. I know that’s probably not going to be a choice In the long run.
who do I contact first? GP, Memory service, social services?
Can someone help?
Oh my word, your situation sounds familiar! My man stopped eating and was barely drinking. When he complained of pain I phoned 111 and was advised to take him to A&E where he was treated for dehydration. Only now, he is still in hospital, are we able to access any help. So, persevere. Contact them all. Good luck.
 

Chizz

Registered User
Jan 10, 2023
3,067
0
Kent
Hi @MowgliGirl02
Can you mum do stairs? or is she becoming bedbound?
You need to
- make a note of the things she can and can't do - in detail
- make a note of what things your dad is doing, what he can and what he can't do - in detail
- contact the Local Authority Adult Social Services Health Services and get them URGENTLY to visit to carry out a care assessment - what care your mum needs - and also a carer's assessment - what help your dad needs
If you dad doesn't get help he'll become a patient as well. The LA ASS has the ultimate responsibility of looking after old ill people, but care is means tested.
I can't lift my OH who has Alz's and is bedbound - so we have a hospital bed for her downstairs and I have carers coming in 3 times a day for toileting help.
If your mum's assets in her sole name (excluding the house that your dad has a right to live in) are in excess of £23,250, then she'll have to pay for her own care. If her assets are £14,000 or less then the LA ASS pay, and if the assets are between these two sums, then there's a sliding scale where your mum and the LA contribute to her care costs.
Best wishes
 

Gosling

Volunteer Host
Aug 2, 2022
1,503
0
South West UK
Welcome from me too @MowgliGirl02 to this friendly and supportive forum. There is a wealth of shared experience of dementia to be found here from members that really do want to help.

I am sorry to read about your Mum. You have already received sound advice and a link which hopefully will give you some help, But the message is, please do persevere with looking at care support. What is happening at the moment is unsustainable for your poor Dad.

Please keep posting and let us know how you get on. Take care.