I can't take any more


Registered User
Dec 9, 2015
Last Friday I got a call to say my mum who is in a nursing home had stopped taking fluids and was v poorly. We agreed to keep her there and not take her into hospital. She has vascular dementia and breast cancer. GP wrote her up for morphine. I drove the 5 1/2 hour journey to get here. I've been with her whilst she has just shrunk into nothing for the last 6 days. She has a morphine infusion. No one here can believe she is still going. Her breathing is awful. It is slow but really loud and blowing. She has periods where she stops breathing for 15 seconds then I think that is the end and she starts again. I'm staying overnight as I want to be with her. I can't bear it any longer. I just want it to end and her breathing is like a monster in the room tormenting me. I want her to be at peace. She doesn't look like my mum any more. I'm so tired. Thanks for having somewhere for me to say this.


Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
I'm so sorry to read your news. It's good that you're with your mum. I know how hard these last days are. Wishing you strength and wishing peace for your mum.

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Registered User
Nov 16, 2015
Hope your mum is at peace soon . She is fighting literally to the end. In my mums world nobody has ever died but the downside of that is they get called for everything because they never call or phone .
Thinking of you xxxxx


Registered User
Mar 26, 2011
Near Southampton
It is a sad and difficult time for you but it is good that you are with your mother.
It is the last thing we can do for those we love, to just be there so they don't leave this world alone.
I hope you both find peace very soon.


Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
Morning Debdg7
So sorry to hear of your mum's condition
but glad that you feel you can come to TP
I wish peace for both of you and your family


Registered User
Aug 29, 2007
SW London
I am so sorry - I know how hard it is. I hope it won't be too long, for both of you. It will be a comfort to you afterwards, that you were with her. x


Registered User
Jul 2, 2015
So sorry to hear that you are facing your mum's last hours. It's such a sad position to be in, but hopefully she finds peace very soon. I'm sure she knows her beloved daughter is with her at the end even although she can't show it.
Thinking of you.

at wits end

Registered User
Nov 9, 2012
East Anglia
Hi Deb.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. It sounds just like my gran who passed away last week. I too was told the Friday you need to come, and spent a week til she passed away last Friday evening. It was so hard at the end. Her breathing was so noisy it made my doubt my choice to keep her in the NH. But then it was over.
It will pass and she will be at peace soon.


Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
South coast
Im so sorry, but from the way you describe her breathing, although its horrible to listen to I think it will be over soon.


Registered User
Dec 9, 2015
Thank you to all you kind caring people for taking the time to reply to my post. My mum died at 4.40am Thursday. So just some 4 1/2 hours after my distressed post her breathing changed again and became much shallower. This happened quickly in the end. It was very peaceful. I'm so glad I was with her. I had always thought I wouldn't be as I live so far away. I'm so glad I got the chance to spend that last week with her in the nh, her home. I got to know the other wonderful people living there with dementia. I got to know the wonderful carers, cleaners and cooks who cared for her and loved her too. I'm ok now. I know I will have my moments of sadness and grief but as I'm sure you all understand I have been grieving for a long time already.
Once again thank you for your kindness.
Deb x


Registered User
Oct 13, 2014
Thoughts are with you at the this sad time but glad you got to be with your lovely Mum. Wishing you strength for the days ahead X

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Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
I'm so sorry to hear your news but glad your mum is at peace. It's good that you were able to be with her. Please accept my condolences.


Registered User
Jan 25, 2015
My sincere condolances to you at this sad time. So glad you were with her at the end, I know being with my Mum at that time was immensely important. Love Rose x