I can't take any more

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by Debdg7, Dec 10, 2015.

  1. Debdg7

    Debdg7 Registered User

    Dec 9, 2015
    2
    Last Friday I got a call to say my mum who is in a nursing home had stopped taking fluids and was v poorly. We agreed to keep her there and not take her into hospital. She has vascular dementia and breast cancer. GP wrote her up for morphine. I drove the 5 1/2 hour journey to get here. I've been with her whilst she has just shrunk into nothing for the last 6 days. She has a morphine infusion. No one here can believe she is still going. Her breathing is awful. It is slow but really loud and blowing. She has periods where she stops breathing for 15 seconds then I think that is the end and she starts again. I'm staying overnight as I want to be with her. I can't bear it any longer. I just want it to end and her breathing is like a monster in the room tormenting me. I want her to be at peace. She doesn't look like my mum any more. I'm so tired. Thanks for having somewhere for me to say this.
     
  2. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,233
    Female
    Dundee
    I'm so sorry to read your news. It's good that you're with your mum. I know how hard these last days are. Wishing you strength and wishing peace for your mum.


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  3. Ellaroo

    Ellaroo Registered User

    Nov 16, 2015
    161
    Liverpool
    Hope your mum is at peace soon . She is fighting literally to the end. In my mums world nobody has ever died but the downside of that is they get called for everything because they never call or phone .
    Thinking of you xxxxx
     
  4. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,501
    Female
    Near Southampton
    It is a sad and difficult time for you but it is good that you are with your mother.
    It is the last thing we can do for those we love, to just be there so they don't leave this world alone.
    I hope you both find peace very soon.
     
  5. angecmc

    angecmc Registered User

    Dec 25, 2012
    2,109
    hertfordshire
    Thinking of you, take care x

    Ange
     
  6. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,738
    Yorkshire
    Morning Debdg7
    So sorry to hear of your mum's condition
    but glad that you feel you can come to TP
    I wish peace for both of you and your family
     
  7. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    4,293
    SW London
    I am so sorry - I know how hard it is. I hope it won't be too long, for both of you. It will be a comfort to you afterwards, that you were with her. x
     
  8. TrixieB

    TrixieB Registered User

    Jul 2, 2015
    20
    So sorry to hear that you are facing your mum's last hours. It's such a sad position to be in, but hopefully she finds peace very soon. I'm sure she knows her beloved daughter is with her at the end even although she can't show it.
    Thinking of you.
     
  9. at wits end

    at wits end Registered User

    Nov 9, 2012
    753
    East Anglia
    Hi Deb.
    I'm so sorry you are going through this. It sounds just like my gran who passed away last week. I too was told the Friday you need to come, and spent a week til she passed away last Friday evening. It was so hard at the end. Her breathing was so noisy it made my doubt my choice to keep her in the NH. But then it was over.
    It will pass and she will be at peace soon.
     
  10. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,880
    Female
    South coast
    ((((hugs))))
    Im so sorry, but from the way you describe her breathing, although its horrible to listen to I think it will be over soon.
     
  11. CollegeGirl

    CollegeGirl Registered User

    Jan 19, 2011
    9,535
    North East England
    I'm so sorry, and am thinking of you. What a heartbreaking situation.
    xx
     
  12. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    I am so sorry to hear of your situation. I do hope that your mum passes gently and is soon at peace.
     
  13. Debdg7

    Debdg7 Registered User

    Dec 9, 2015
    2
    Thank you to all you kind caring people for taking the time to reply to my post. My mum died at 4.40am Thursday. So just some 4 1/2 hours after my distressed post her breathing changed again and became much shallower. This happened quickly in the end. It was very peaceful. I'm so glad I was with her. I had always thought I wouldn't be as I live so far away. I'm so glad I got the chance to spend that last week with her in the nh, her home. I got to know the other wonderful people living there with dementia. I got to know the wonderful carers, cleaners and cooks who cared for her and loved her too. I'm ok now. I know I will have my moments of sadness and grief but as I'm sure you all understand I have been grieving for a long time already.
    Once again thank you for your kindness.
    Deb x
     
  14. LeedsLass

    LeedsLass Registered User

    Oct 13, 2014
    107
    Essex
    Thoughts are with you at the this sad time but glad you got to be with your lovely Mum. Wishing you strength for the days ahead X


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  15. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,233
    Female
    Dundee
    I'm so sorry to hear your news but glad your mum is at peace. It's good that you were able to be with her. Please accept my condolences.
     
  16. Roses40

    Roses40 Registered User

    Jan 25, 2015
    473
    manchester
    My sincere condolances to you at this sad time. So glad you were with her at the end, I know being with my Mum at that time was immensely important. Love Rose x
     
  17. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,589
    West Midlands
    Thinking of you xx



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  18. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    3,232
    Female
    The Sweet North
    Please accept my condolences on the loss of your dear Mum.
    A peaceful passing, with you by her side, such a blessing.
    Wishing you peace and comfort.
     
  19. angecmc

    angecmc Registered User

    Dec 25, 2012
    2,109
    hertfordshire
    So sorry for your loss, glad you were able to be with her, take care of yourself xx

    Ange
     
  20. at wits end

    at wits end Registered User

    Nov 9, 2012
    753
    East Anglia
    Thinking of you at this time. X
     

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