I can't stand being with my mother
- Thread starter Andromeda
- Start date
Don't know if it's true, but I was told about a couple who visited a care home with a view of the husband going to live there. But he refused. So the wife moved in herself!
You've planted an idea!
Don't know if it's true, but I was told about a couple who visited a care home with a view of the husband going to live there. But he refused. So the wife moved in herself!
At the lovely CH we finally found for FIL, there was a lady still only in her late 60s, who had moved in entirely of her own volition. There was nothing wrong with her at all, but she had been lonely after her husband died and did not want to be bothered with looking after the house, bills, etc. She was in and out all the time, enjoying herself. I used to wonder how on earth a CH could be suitable both for her, and for FIL, whose dementia was pretty bad by then, but it seemed to work fine. Should add that it was the only one we found that said they could cope without locking him in, since he would have gone mad.
I have been quite overwhelmed by the responses re this thread. Some have been helpful and one made me laugh out loud (bristly chin!)..all have been sincere, thank you.
I think I will have to bear the heat in the kitchen for a while longer yet as I'm afraid SS are pretty inadequate here,as I expect they are overstretched in most areas.It would be irresponsible of me to just walk away. The advice to limit the times I devote to mums needs is a very good one...there is so much to do 'behind the scenes' like paying bills,sorting banks,prescriptions, sorting her house out to out on the market etc. This is all invisible to mum,of course, which can't be helped but it is just as time consuming as doing her shopping etc. Everybody has a different experience to cope with and it can feel very isolating. Thanks again to all who have expressed such empathy
Be kind to yourself. & I hope it doesn't sound presumptuous but I think your reply, above, is proof of your compassion and good sense.
OMG - I love my dad to bits - he is the person that has made me who I am today. I am a geography teacher, my dad was in the navy and it was his tales of far flung lands that inspired me. He has always been lovely and shielded me growing up from my mums selfishness.
HOWEVER, now he has AD find him incredibly irritating. I cant bear to be i his company for more then a few minutes.
In dementia he drives me mad. And this is a man I love and respect enormously I cant even imagine if we had issues before how I would cope.
HOWEVER, now he has AD find him incredibly irritating. I cant bear to be i his company for more then a few minutes.
In dementia he drives me mad. And this is a man I love and respect enormously I cant even imagine if we had issues before how I would cope.
Garnuff not harsh. Couldn't be harsh. They haven't a harsh bone in their body that's harsh.... Only reality bones.... That's harsh .... Reality is harsher than their words...
Life sucks... No matter what/how we try to pretend otherwise .... It's harsh.... It's life....
now add dementia to the mix....
With a heavy sprinkling of other major health issues within the family that need to be dealt or ignored ....
It's life how some live.... we all live.... TP is how we are able to live.... To be free to say it as it is not needing to pretend.... despite this sucking life...
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
Life sucks... No matter what/how we try to pretend otherwise .... It's harsh.... It's life....
now add dementia to the mix....
With a heavy sprinkling of other major health issues within the family that need to be dealt or ignored ....
It's life how some live.... we all live.... TP is how we are able to live.... To be free to say it as it is not needing to pretend.... despite this sucking life...
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
Well for MIL it's a choice of being cared for by me and husband or no-one (and let's just say she is neither of our favourite person - though "loathe" is too strong in our case, more "maddening"), seeing as social services still won't go near her still (still too "capable" in their book, and even then they wouldn't do it as well as we do, whether we loathed her or not!).
So a bit of a Hobson's choice there, sadly....
I don't find her bristly chin funny btw - I find it disgusting.
But no way to sensitively bring that little issue up with her, so that's one on the "learn to live with" list for both of us I guess (I don't know if she notices or realises - I hope she doesn't, I'd be mortified in that position).
So a bit of a Hobson's choice there, sadly....
I don't find her bristly chin funny btw - I find it disgusting.
But no way to sensitively bring that little issue up with her, so that's one on the "learn to live with" list for both of us I guess (I don't know if she notices or realises - I hope she doesn't, I'd be mortified in that position).
Yes, but not everyone's mum was lovely pre dementia, or even halfway nice. There are mothers who never were at all nice to their children, and it's easy to say that in that case, they should not be caring for them. But sometimes, despite an almost toxic relationship, the mother still exerts a powerful psychological hold over a child that seems impossible to break.
My daughter has a friend whose mother is pure poison, and believe me I do not say this lightly. But despite the nastiness, the endless belittling, the contemptuous vileness to every boy friend she ever has - I could go on - the girl seems quite unable to break away. It is like powerful, invisible strings, always drawing her back.
Personally I think that those of us who had good relationships with our mothers should be very thankful. How do we know how we'd feel if we had not been so lucky?
I did not have a good relationship with my mother. I care for her now because nobody else would. I am not responsible for her behaviour, I am for mine.
But I don't like her, wish I did but I don't
But I don't like her, wish I did but I don't
