Dad came out of hospital three months ago with a care package of carers calling three times per day to assist with dressing and bathing and to ensure he eats, as that's why he was in hospital. From day one he has been nasty and awkward to these ladies, refusing to let them in the bathroom and more recently to cook his breakfast, for health and safety they stand near to ensure he doesn't burn himself and that he turns the cooker off, they also clean up in the kitchen after he has finished. More recently he has refused to do anything while they are in the kitchen telling them to get in the room and clean that's what he pays them for. A good part of their job is washing his clothes and bedding three or four times per week (1 and 2) he refuses to wear the pads provided and sometimes he soils his trousers a couple of times per day and just puts them in the washer, last week I got it all over my hands removing things from the washer. He refuses to admit he has a problem last week he said he fell in the garden and got dog dirt on them, these poor ladies are rinsing his clothes out before they put them in the washer. We now think he has stopped showering as he has started to smell very bad, we think he is going in the bathroom and running the shower but not getting in. I live near and call round most days, I can walk into a row almost every time, he accuses me of being after his money and of conspiring to put him in a home. Final straw today his carer called me in tears, he wouldn't let her past the kitchen told her he paid her wages and not to come into his house again as she was useless . I called straight round and he swore at her for telling tales and not to bother coming back again, he accused me of only being after his money and at that stage I told the lady to leave and we left him too it. He is 88 and has had dementia for four years, I have looked after him for 12 years since Mum died I don't think I can manage much longer, can a person be placed in a home against their will? I know he would not go quietly
I can't cope with the aggression
- Thread starter zicomar
- Start date
I think if he was deemed to be vulnerable it would be possible to do this however it would probably mean sectioning him.
I amnot experienced in this side of dementia so I hope others with more experience will be able to help you.
Certainly something needs to be done.
Does he have a social worker. It would seem the first p-lace to start.
You will have to say you withdraw your care of him, and refuse to be responsible for anything. It is tough to do but sounds very necessary
Jeannette
I amnot experienced in this side of dementia so I hope others with more experience will be able to help you.
Certainly something needs to be done.
Does he have a social worker. It would seem the first p-lace to start.
You will have to say you withdraw your care of him, and refuse to be responsible for anything. It is tough to do but sounds very necessary
Jeannette
Zicomar is your Dad on any medication and if so, who prescribes them ? The Memory clinic did a Capacity assessment on my Mum after she failed to recognise dangerous behaviour, would not take Meds as directed, was not drinking properly and not calling for help when needed. They found her not to have capacity for decisions regarding her accommodation lThe SW then came to do an assessment and has decided a case conference involving all the health professionals is now appropriate.
There is disagreement between myself and sibling regarding best solution. Mum is be g represented by an Independent Mental Health Advocate so it is made sure she is absolutely properly represented. Due to ill health last week Mum had to go into a CH flat so is already there on GP's orders. However I have been told that it is acceptable to use stealth once someone is deemed not to have Capacity under the Mental Capacity Act and a Best Interests Decision made.
If they then ask to leave the CH applies for a Deprivation of Liberty Order. The other way is the Mental Health Act but that leads to a Section as I understand it and a period of assessment as an inpatient.
There is disagreement between myself and sibling regarding best solution. Mum is be g represented by an Independent Mental Health Advocate so it is made sure she is absolutely properly represented. Due to ill health last week Mum had to go into a CH flat so is already there on GP's orders. However I have been told that it is acceptable to use stealth once someone is deemed not to have Capacity under the Mental Capacity Act and a Best Interests Decision made.
If they then ask to leave the CH applies for a Deprivation of Liberty Order. The other way is the Mental Health Act but that leads to a Section as I understand it and a period of assessment as an inpatient.
Only standard medication for his blood pressure and an ulcer, he's always been awkward but the last 6 months his behaviour has become more confrontational. He never accepted he had dementia and even now accepts no blame for lost TV remotes, his money, soiled clothes etc. all of which my wife and I have learned to work around. But he has become increasingly nasty to the ladies helping him, not in a threatening way just nastily telling them he pays their wages and they do what he says not the other way round. We have requested a meeting with his Social Worker, I don't want to withdraw all assistance as he really couldn't cope without family and Carer support but clearly the present arrangements are not working for anyone. Thanks for comments and advice.
