I can't believe it but my mum has gone

[MaNaAk]

Thank you so much for all your support it is comforting to know that you are out there. It is day 2 of my life without my old mum and I am crying a lot. I managed to pull myself together and get to the hospital to pick up the paperwork for the death certificate which I will get tomorrow. My mum died of sepsis - probably because she had a water infection. I am now racked with guilt as if the water infection was treated earlier she might have survived (well that is what I think). I spoke to her consultant and she was very nice - apparently the infection became severe and her heart just stopped. I just wish I could rewind the clock.

Tomorrow it is the death certificate and the visit to the undertaker to arrange the funeral.

Dear Missmouse,

I am thinking of you. Take one day at a time and keep coming on here.

Love and cuddles

MaNaAk

 

[Murper1]

Hello missmouse. What a horrible time you are having. You did what you could. But you are regretting things. If only you had done this, or said that. But you would probably not have changed the outcome. My dad died unexpectedly of sepsis last year and I blame myself a lot for calling the GP who did not think there was anything too wrong, instead of taking him straight to hospital which is what I should have done. Then recently, my mum of aspirational pnuemonia but I don't blame myself for that as I had made her life as good as it could be, though I sometimes think of things I wish I had done better for her. But mostly now, I think about how lucky I was to have had them as my mum and dad. Though the dark feelings of guilt and despair do still happen from time to time, and then they are overwhelming. Please don't be hard on yourself for long, you almost certainly wouldn't have been able to change events. And 'miserable' isn't what your mum would have wanted you to feel.

 

[Margaret59]

Dear Missmouse,
You must try to think of everything you did do, not what you think you should or could have done. I really feel for you, we all do, but you must not blame yourself or think that you didn't do enough. It is very early days, as you said "day 5". You will probably still be trying to take everything in. I also hope that time is a healer. My dad passed away nearly 6 months ago and I am still trying to come to terms with it. Everyone deals with grief in their own way and people have different ways of coping.
Love and hugs, Margaret59 x

 

[missmouse]

Hello everyone - well it is now over a week. Today, I started cleaning out my mum's bedroom but very slowly. Funeral end of the month - I go back to work on Monday but will be having some more time off for the funeral and the week afterwards.

It is stupid but I am now a big orphan of over 60! My mum was beginning to wear me out with having to care for her and work full time - she had care while I was at work. I am now feeling guilty because I always felt that I had no life. Now that she has gone I don't have any purpose Tried to call Cruse today but there was never anyone to speak to me.

After the funeral I want to go away on my own for a few days but can't find anywhere I want to go. I enjoy walking but all the walking tours don't seem to be happening on the days I want I don't want to go with friends I just want to go alone somewhere but not actually be alone if you know what I mean. I would like to go to Dorset.

I have been sleeping well but the last two nights I haven't been able to sleep so may have to resort to one of the pills the doctor gave me.

 

[LadyA]

Understand exactly how you feel, Miss Mouse. Bereavement brings a sort of isolation with it, even when there are others around. A separateness. I think you are doing very well, to have started clearing your mum's room. When my husband went to the nursing home eleven months before he died (and he's nearly two years dead), I moved into what had been the spare room. What used to be our bedroom is in dire need of redecorating, but I haven't done it yet! In fact, I only cleared out my husband's bedside locker a few weeks ago!
As regards the sleep, I find a combination of herbal tea and herbal sleep remedies usually is enough to get me off, apart from an occasional night.
Your loss is still very new and sharp. Your world has shifted, and it will take time to regain your equilibrium.