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I am struggling with his incontinence

jenniferjean

Registered User
Apr 2, 2016
775
Basingstoke, Hampshire
I posted recently about my husband's incontinence and that he was now becoming doubly incontinent. I mentioned that we were waiting for a call from the continence nurse.
Well she telephoned last week and said that as he was now having problems with bowel movement that the pull-ups they supply were no longer appropriate. She said she would send a sample of what they now recommend, which is pants and pads, with a larger pad for night time. She said to try them and then let her know how I coped with it.
They arrived yesterday, a pair of pants and 3 pads and 1 large pad. I thought today would be a good time to give it a go. So first thing this morning I helped him take off his pyjamas and then took away his soiled pull-ups and put on the new pants and one of the pads. I helped him with his t-shirt but left him to put on his trousers and jumper. I like to get him to help himself as much as he can. I went to the kitchen to make our morning cuppas.
While I was missing he had unknown to me gone into the bathroom, removed the pad and tried to have a bowel movement. He then had pulled up the pants and gone and sat in the lounge. Well he doesn't do well when he does it himself and ends up with poo on his hands. This morning I then had to clean up his hands, the basin in the bathroom, the floor, the furniture in the lounge, and his new pants (oh and him of course). So he's back in pull-ups.
Unless I take him to the toilet every time, which I can't guarantee to as he tries to be independent, this is going to keep happening. I know he's going to have a problem with getting it on his hands and consequently anything within reach, but having it with just the pants and no pad is not going to work.
I can't see him getting used to using pads. He's just going to remove them each time.
What do I do?
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,185
Scotland
At that stage I took my husband every time not only because I wanted to make sure he was clean but also because I was afraid of a fall which was his final undoing.

Some things you just have to accept.
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
418
Sadly you may be approaching care home time. This is so unhygienic that you may be exposing yourself to risk as well as the obvious unpleasantness of it all. Carer support might help but if this is happening frequently it has to be managed so as to keep your home clean and for you to be a one-woman care home is asking an awful lot.
 

intheloop

Registered User
Jun 9, 2019
13
I know what you are going through and how hard it is. I buy the pull-up Tena active pants for men for my father. They are blue which looks more like underwear and because he is doubly incontinent I find them easier than pads for exactly the problem you have found. He was always taking the pads out without me knowing! I am surprised the continence nurse thought pants and pads would be better. I find by tearing them at the sides to take them off - which is easy to do - it makes cleaning up as easy as it can be.
 

jenniferjean

Registered User
Apr 2, 2016
775
Basingstoke, Hampshire
Carer support might help but if this is happening frequently it has to be managed so as to keep your home clean and for you to be a one-woman care home is asking an awful lot.
I think I'm managing to keep the home clean. It's hard work but I'm determined he's not going into a home yet. At least not while we have this pandemic. I'm really just in a quandary regarding pants versus pads.
 

jenniferjean

Registered User
Apr 2, 2016
775
Basingstoke, Hampshire
I am surprised the continence nurse thought pants and pads would be better. I find by tearing them at the sides to take them off - which is easy to do - it makes cleaning up as easy as it can be.
I know I've only had a brief experience of him using the pads but I'm now also surprised that the nurse thought the pads would be better. I could be wrong but could it be the cost to the NHS? I'll give it another go once the pants have dried but I'm not hopeful.
Also with his dementia and that fact that he readily accepted pull-ups when I put him in them towards the end of last year, maybe it's too much to ask of him to get used to something else.
I guess your answer is the one I was hoping for. Thank you.
 

Tattooed Mark

Registered User
Sep 19, 2020
24
I know how hard it is.I'd managed mum for years but when came out of hospital,she was doubly incontinent and I found the tena pants were the only solution.Mum could either get through two a day or five,there was no consistency,as we know,nothing about dementia is consistent!I would just listen out for mum and help her to the toilet.The tena pants are amazing,keep everything contained.This went on for eight months with mum and looking back,you wonder how you cope but you will.
 

intheloop

Registered User
Jun 9, 2019
13
I know I've only had a brief experience of him using the pads but I'm now also surprised that the nurse thought the pads would be better. I could be wrong but could it be the cost to the NHS? I'll give it another go once the pants have dried but I'm not hopeful.
Also with his dementia and that fact that he readily accepted pull-ups when I put him in them towards the end of last year, maybe it's too much to ask of him to get used to something else.
I guess your answer is the one I was hoping for. Thank you.
I think you may be right! I couldn’t get any pull-ups on the NHS in my district. They would only supply pads and I made the decision I wanted him comfortable. So I buy them for a reasonable price online.
I also think you are right that it may be hard for him to get used to the pads. It is such a shame when he accepted the pull-ups so easily.
I think because the NHS did supply pull-ups you need to fight your case that you need to go back to them. Good luck 😉
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,950
Nottinghamshire
Hi @jenniferjean the continence clinic wanted my dad to have pads and I managed to argue that, because he lived alone and couldn’t manage pads, he would have to have pull-ups. The nurse told me that she didn’t think he’d get them because of the cost. He did. I think you should explain that your husband can’t manage pads and won’t let you help and hopefully he’ll be able to continue with pull-ups. Pull-ups rip down the sides so getting the mess sorted out is easier than you’d think - if you can get the PWD to co-operate..
 

Catherine C

Registered User
Oct 15, 2020
15
My Mum also seems fine with the pull ups, I do accompany her to each loo visit any way as she needs prompting to go... but at least like this it’s all pretty clean. Another thing that I think is positive is I give her a glass of prune juice each morning...... not wanting to go into too much detail! but seems to help not only with frequency but also consistency.....
 

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