Hi everyone,
Ive never posted in here before, or indeed in any forums about dementia but I don't know where else to turn to tonight. Any friend I talk to looks helpless, and mutters that they are sorry but somehow their incomprehension just makes me feel more alone.
I'm 23, my mum is 55 and she was diagnosed with FTD at Christmas last year. She is still fairly coherent but it is now basically impossible to have a conversation that is not either entirely focused on her, or achingly nonesensical. I feel so guilty for even writing this post, I am sure it must all seem very melodramatic but I am just so terribly sad about how things are now, and so angry and in pain at the thought of the future. I just keep pictuing moments (future Christmases, birthdays etc.) at which she won't be there. I feel like I have already lost her and yet she is physically still there. I know her condition will get much much worse. Worst of all, I find the decline in empathy so hard to handle. I am currently in the middle of my final exams for my masters degree. All I want to do is curl up and cry and I have two final exams to get through this week. I know so many people have a much more difficult time than me. I am blessed with my dad who lives with her and my wonderful sister. But I feel so alone, I feel like I've lost a part of me and, I know this sounds terrible, but I just am so scared I will always feel alone. I hate how selfish I sound I know but my mum herself seems quite happy really although a little lonely. I was just so love some support from people who understand and again I am sorry for a self absorbed post. It's just I have to get through these exams but I really don't feel I can find the strength right now and I so don't want to let my mum down. Also, and I wonder if others find this too, I find myself constantly questioning my own mind and thinking I'm not making sense. Many many thanks for reading this and sorry for it's sad tone.
Love
Ive never posted in here before, or indeed in any forums about dementia but I don't know where else to turn to tonight. Any friend I talk to looks helpless, and mutters that they are sorry but somehow their incomprehension just makes me feel more alone.
I'm 23, my mum is 55 and she was diagnosed with FTD at Christmas last year. She is still fairly coherent but it is now basically impossible to have a conversation that is not either entirely focused on her, or achingly nonesensical. I feel so guilty for even writing this post, I am sure it must all seem very melodramatic but I am just so terribly sad about how things are now, and so angry and in pain at the thought of the future. I just keep pictuing moments (future Christmases, birthdays etc.) at which she won't be there. I feel like I have already lost her and yet she is physically still there. I know her condition will get much much worse. Worst of all, I find the decline in empathy so hard to handle. I am currently in the middle of my final exams for my masters degree. All I want to do is curl up and cry and I have two final exams to get through this week. I know so many people have a much more difficult time than me. I am blessed with my dad who lives with her and my wonderful sister. But I feel so alone, I feel like I've lost a part of me and, I know this sounds terrible, but I just am so scared I will always feel alone. I hate how selfish I sound I know but my mum herself seems quite happy really although a little lonely. I was just so love some support from people who understand and again I am sorry for a self absorbed post. It's just I have to get through these exams but I really don't feel I can find the strength right now and I so don't want to let my mum down. Also, and I wonder if others find this too, I find myself constantly questioning my own mind and thinking I'm not making sense. Many many thanks for reading this and sorry for it's sad tone.
Love