Hi,
My Dad (74) was diagnosed with vascular dementia just under a year ago. It has been going on for years and I finally managed to get him to agree to be tested. Over the past 3 months or so, he has rapidly declined.
He lives alone (my mum died 3 years ago) and about 40 minutes away from me. I am only 37, an only child and I have a 5 year old - we are looking to expand our family as soon as possible really (before I get any older!) . I have an extremely stressful job as an executive assistant for a global corporate. He has carers in the morning and evening but is spending about 7 hours alone in the day and around 12 hours from when the carer leaves at night, until the one comes in the morning. Just setting the scene here for you!
He cannot toilet by himself . Wees or poos all over the bathroom floor. If there isn’t a carer there he calls me and naturally I drop everything and travel over there to clear him and the house up. He is wearing Tena but left to his own devices , he might as well not bother! I was recently on the school run and he rang me to say he had done a poo everywhere . I had to get my 5 year old to school and I had a meeting at 10am which I had to cancel . In rush hour it took me an hour to get there. This happens all the time , including last night. I am absolutely exhausted.
I had to move in with him 2 weeks ago for a week because he had covid and a UTI. It was absolute hell. He sundowns really badly and for a week I was up every hour in the night trying to calm him and get him back to bed.
Me constantly dashing away is now affecting my daughter and she is extremely clingy with me and won’t let me leave. She was so upset when I was away for a week. All of this is taking me away from my husband and daughter. Also, how the hell could I possibly get pregnant and deal with all of this?
He also no longer recognises rooms in his house, doesn’t know where to get a drink (so the carers leave water everywhere) . At night he doesn’t know where his bedroom is or where his bed is .
I am at my absolute wits end and in a constant state of anxiety and worry. This is no life for either of us.
I have found him a wonderful new home in a care home that has opened literally a 3 minute drive from me. I did the assessment on his behalf and he passed. However, he refuses to move and says he is absolutely fine. Pooing on the bathroom floor is just old age apparently. The GP will have no involvement ( spoke to 3 different ones) and said I just need to call social services for a needs and capacity assessment. If no capacity is found then I think next step is a best interest order or something like that.
Has anyone here been through this process. How long does it take from start to finish? I am
So worried the home near me is going to become full if this all takes so long.
Thank you!
My Dad (74) was diagnosed with vascular dementia just under a year ago. It has been going on for years and I finally managed to get him to agree to be tested. Over the past 3 months or so, he has rapidly declined.
He lives alone (my mum died 3 years ago) and about 40 minutes away from me. I am only 37, an only child and I have a 5 year old - we are looking to expand our family as soon as possible really (before I get any older!) . I have an extremely stressful job as an executive assistant for a global corporate. He has carers in the morning and evening but is spending about 7 hours alone in the day and around 12 hours from when the carer leaves at night, until the one comes in the morning. Just setting the scene here for you!
He cannot toilet by himself . Wees or poos all over the bathroom floor. If there isn’t a carer there he calls me and naturally I drop everything and travel over there to clear him and the house up. He is wearing Tena but left to his own devices , he might as well not bother! I was recently on the school run and he rang me to say he had done a poo everywhere . I had to get my 5 year old to school and I had a meeting at 10am which I had to cancel . In rush hour it took me an hour to get there. This happens all the time , including last night. I am absolutely exhausted.
I had to move in with him 2 weeks ago for a week because he had covid and a UTI. It was absolute hell. He sundowns really badly and for a week I was up every hour in the night trying to calm him and get him back to bed.
Me constantly dashing away is now affecting my daughter and she is extremely clingy with me and won’t let me leave. She was so upset when I was away for a week. All of this is taking me away from my husband and daughter. Also, how the hell could I possibly get pregnant and deal with all of this?
He also no longer recognises rooms in his house, doesn’t know where to get a drink (so the carers leave water everywhere) . At night he doesn’t know where his bedroom is or where his bed is .
I am at my absolute wits end and in a constant state of anxiety and worry. This is no life for either of us.
I have found him a wonderful new home in a care home that has opened literally a 3 minute drive from me. I did the assessment on his behalf and he passed. However, he refuses to move and says he is absolutely fine. Pooing on the bathroom floor is just old age apparently. The GP will have no involvement ( spoke to 3 different ones) and said I just need to call social services for a needs and capacity assessment. If no capacity is found then I think next step is a best interest order or something like that.
Has anyone here been through this process. How long does it take from start to finish? I am
So worried the home near me is going to become full if this all takes so long.
Thank you!