I feel I should defend some of the 'invisibles' who I feel are sometimes given a rough deal. I guess at the beginning of my mum's dementia journey (diagnosed last December but problems before then) I might have been considered an 'invisible'. I worked full time in a stressful job and had a 4 hour daily commute. I also used up all my annual leave and one day of each weekend on mum going with mum to medical appointments and stocking her fridge, cooking etc. I was also allowed to work 1 day a week from home which enabled me to make phone calls etc. My sister, who's a stay-at-home Mum to a teenager whos at school, managed other appointments etc while I was at work. However she was soon unable to cope as her son has special needs, and after she had a bit of a meltdown in which I was accused of caring more about work than mum, I gave up work with the intention of working part time. I had hoped we could share responsibilities with me working part time Id be able to help more but still support myself. Its absolutely not an easy option to give up ones income. People work for a reason. In my case Im single, self-supporting and have a mortgage. But i did give up work. The part-time never materialised because once I was in place caring for Mum I was left to it. I am now here 24/7, dont get any respite, have no income and can't sleep for worry about how I'm going to end up: no savings, no job and no home. Thats why the invisibles cant give up work. Seems there's no happy medium. There's no support for part time. You either be a hated invisible or you give up work to care and end up left with nothing right when you come into retirement. If there was more support for carers to work part time or get respite
and they too could live a balanced life, there would be no need for the sometimes awful predicament of the invisibles. Sometimes really they are stuck between a rock and a hard place. This dementia is rough for everyone but if carers were better supported to work then it could be less destructive.