I’m struggling to deal with social workers about my mums care needs

[TinaJ57]

I’ll try to keep this short my mum has dementia as well as lots of other health problems including double incontinence she went into hospital on 30 June this year and on 16 August was moved to a care home temporary placement. I am now battling with the hospital social worker who was instrumental in my mum’s care home placement to get her back to her flat as when she went to visit my mum after 7 weeks in the care home my mum said she wanted her independence back. The reason my mum ended up in hospital was because she wasn’t coping even with 4 visits a day. In hospital her dementia medication was stopped and she was being pad changed 2-3 times during the night to avoid the wet and soiled beds that were happening at home. Now I’m being told my mum has mental capacity to make her own decisions so I can’t envoke her LPA ( my daughter and I are her power of attorney’s). The problem is my mum no longer appreciates the risks and consequences as when I asked what she would do if something happened between calls and she couldn’t get help her reply was “ if no one comes if I snuff it then I snuff it and I’m no longer anyone’s problem”. My mum has been telling me she wants to go to sleep since the beginning of this year which has not been easy to deal with and she’s had 3 occasions when she’s been unresponsive and paramedics had to be called. The social worker now wants to speak to my mum alone and I feel that I’m being excluded and my concerns are not being heard. My mum now talks about people in the room who died 15 years or more ago as if they are there with her talking to her and taking her out. ive always been with my mum at any appointments relating to her care and health and don’t understand why I can’t be there to hear what is being Said to my mum and what her reply’s are

 

[maisiecat]

Hi,
I feel very sorry for you as the issue of capacity is so complex. Has a mental health team done an assessment since your Mum has been in the home? It may be worth asking for one if not. Also PWD are able to "host" for a length of time with strangers and I think they have instinct when it is important. Obviously your Mum trusts you so will talk freely.
Could the care home manager be present at the interview with the social worker?
I hope you manage to resolve it

 

[Pacucho]

Hello,
The advice you received is excellent. I consider it is well worth asking the mental health team to undertake an assessment.
Once this is done, and whatever the outcome, your next step may be to make an official complaint against the social worker. What you need to do is move to a position where you have confidence in these people and the system in general, and I'm afraid to say sometimes this is what it takes.
Finally, if you live in England it may well be worth finding out if you have a local Carers Centre who can be helpful in such situations with social services. Here is a link that will help find out: https://carers.org/help-and-info/introduction.
Hope this helps,
Paco

 

[SMBeach]

This sounds awful for you. I can’t see why you can’t be in the meeting. What if you ask your mum if she’d like you to be in the meeting. If she says yes then I can’t see how social services could object. My dad somehow miraculously comes across all happy and at times able to answer questions appropriately although this has changed if late. He says a lot but never gets to the point. It’s difficult to follow what he’s talking about or where he’s going with it and social services are starting to report talking in riddles. If you have power of attorney I can’t see how they can stop you sitting in on the meeting unless of course your mum objects to you being there and they feel she’s of sound enough mind to make that decision. I have power of attorney and have had no issue using it to get all information and access to both dads finances and health and he’s not had a mental capacity assessment. Mental team have been asked to do one but they seem to think it’s not for them to do then start talking about lawyers. I really hope you get this sorted as it doesn’t sound right that is happening to you.

 

[TinaJ57]

Hi,
I feel very sorry for you as the issue of capacity is so complex. Has a mental health team done an assessment since your Mum has been in the home? It may be worth asking for one if not. Also PWD are able to "host" for a length of time with strangers and I think they have instinct when it is important. Obviously your Mum trusts you so will talk freely.
Could the care home manager be present at the interview with the social worker?
I hope you manage to resolve it

Not sure what a PWD is. I was told that unless there’s been a bug change in my mum ie her becoming violent or aggressive another assessment for her dementia will not be done

 

[canary]

Not sure what a PWD is

PWD = Person With Dementia

 

[Sarasa]

Welcome to Dementia Support Forum @TinaJ57.
I think it might be a good idea to ring the support line to talk things through. They are open till 8.00 tonight and then from 9.00 tomorrow.

Dementia Support Line

If you need dementia support, we’re here for you. Get personalised information, support and advice by calling us on 0333 150 3456.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

It might also be a good idea to send the social worker a bullet pointed list of all your concerns about your mother when she was home, and say that if she does return home you will be unable to care for her. I know that sounds really mean but if your mum is telling the social worker you will look after her she might be believed.