Hi, new here - sorry for the grim title but it really says it all.
My Nan (who adopted me, her granddaughter - so she’s basically my mum) has had vascular dementia and Alzheimers for over four years now. She’s 86 and her husband of 65 years marriage died in 2018, which is when it came to light just how BAD her memory was getting.
She‘s progressively got worse and worse over the years, now at the point where she doesn’t understand how to work her phone, really look after herself or her poor two little pug dogs. I regularly come in to clean, try to get her to eat and suffer through her sometimes very abusive and nasty tirades. I put up notices with little smiley faces ‘Tea bags in this cupboard!‘ etc, and when I come to visit a few days later, I find she’s LITERALLY burned them and thrown them in the bin.
Both me and my aunt (her daughter) have been begging, BEGGING for help from her GP… social services, anyone who will listen. Only in the last year has there been someone phoning back acknowledging ‘Huh, yes Mrs - - - is really not doing well, let’s see what help we can set up…”
Except nothing happens. I’ve literally had someone come round to ‘assess’ her, watch her out her clothes into the cupboard thinking shes washing them in a washing machine and then not heard a thing since.
I’m just so done. I work 50 hours a work or more and I try to help out at least twice a week. Cleaning, bringing meals…having a chat. And each visit is more miserable than the last. This woman literally sits there telling me how much she wants to die, how she doesn’t want to be on her own and how she wants me to live with her. THAT especially has been her obsession.
To be clear, my aunt has suggested she move in with her where she can care for her AND her dogs, but no. She wants to stay in her own home. I get it, but also her life just seems to be pure misery.
Her neighbours have suggested on more than one occasion that I move in with her but while I’ve thought about it and even stayed with her for the odd weekend, I’ve quickly realised I CANNOT cope mentally with the amount of stress caring for her and having to be around her dementia symptoms 24/7.
To top it off, one of her dogs now has raging diarrhoea because she keeps feeding it a mixture of all sorts… baked beans, salad, fried beef. Whenever I’ve explained this to anyone, people laugh and go ’Hah, dog eats better than me!’ And I have to stare… because she’s literally killing the poor dog, with that and not being able to give any of it’s necessary medication etc… it’s just cruel.
Once again, sorry for the rant - I’m 35 and I feel like my life is just passing me by and I’m waiting for this all to be over, horrible I know but I can’t help think that.
Any advice? Especially about the dogs? I don’t want to traumatise my Nan by taking away her dogs but I literally think her lack of care for them is now trespassing into neglect.
My Nan (who adopted me, her granddaughter - so she’s basically my mum) has had vascular dementia and Alzheimers for over four years now. She’s 86 and her husband of 65 years marriage died in 2018, which is when it came to light just how BAD her memory was getting.
She‘s progressively got worse and worse over the years, now at the point where she doesn’t understand how to work her phone, really look after herself or her poor two little pug dogs. I regularly come in to clean, try to get her to eat and suffer through her sometimes very abusive and nasty tirades. I put up notices with little smiley faces ‘Tea bags in this cupboard!‘ etc, and when I come to visit a few days later, I find she’s LITERALLY burned them and thrown them in the bin.
Both me and my aunt (her daughter) have been begging, BEGGING for help from her GP… social services, anyone who will listen. Only in the last year has there been someone phoning back acknowledging ‘Huh, yes Mrs - - - is really not doing well, let’s see what help we can set up…”
Except nothing happens. I’ve literally had someone come round to ‘assess’ her, watch her out her clothes into the cupboard thinking shes washing them in a washing machine and then not heard a thing since.
I’m just so done. I work 50 hours a work or more and I try to help out at least twice a week. Cleaning, bringing meals…having a chat. And each visit is more miserable than the last. This woman literally sits there telling me how much she wants to die, how she doesn’t want to be on her own and how she wants me to live with her. THAT especially has been her obsession.
To be clear, my aunt has suggested she move in with her where she can care for her AND her dogs, but no. She wants to stay in her own home. I get it, but also her life just seems to be pure misery.
Her neighbours have suggested on more than one occasion that I move in with her but while I’ve thought about it and even stayed with her for the odd weekend, I’ve quickly realised I CANNOT cope mentally with the amount of stress caring for her and having to be around her dementia symptoms 24/7.
To top it off, one of her dogs now has raging diarrhoea because she keeps feeding it a mixture of all sorts… baked beans, salad, fried beef. Whenever I’ve explained this to anyone, people laugh and go ’Hah, dog eats better than me!’ And I have to stare… because she’s literally killing the poor dog, with that and not being able to give any of it’s necessary medication etc… it’s just cruel.
Once again, sorry for the rant - I’m 35 and I feel like my life is just passing me by and I’m waiting for this all to be over, horrible I know but I can’t help think that.
Any advice? Especially about the dogs? I don’t want to traumatise my Nan by taking away her dogs but I literally think her lack of care for them is now trespassing into neglect.