Hi. I am Linda G and my husband has Alzheimer's. He was diagnosed 2 years ago and remained reasonably stable with basically his memory being the only real problem. In the last few months I have noticed a deterioration in his memory and also he appears to be losing the ability to carry out many of the routine jobs he always undertook. I find it very hard to accept these changes, even though I was aware of what Alzheimer's was about. I feel very sad and I love my husband very much but I feel angry at him as more and more pressure seems to be falling on me to cope with everything. I am pleased to have joined talking point and look forward to communicating with other like people as I find it very hard to express my thoughts and feelings to friends and family.
Husband with Alzheimer's
- Thread starter Linda G
- Start date
Welcome to TP I hope you find good support from those members here that understand just how difficult it is to have to deal with everything on your own.
Welcome from me too, @Linda G . The increasing loneliness and isolation that comes with caring for a spouse with dementia is very difficult. This was the person we were to share our happy ever after with, to grow old with, and to spend our retirement years with. That whole future has been stolen, and our workload is increasing. And we can't even have a moan to our spouse about it all! It's one of the great things about Talking Point - people here will understand.
Hi @Linda G and welcome to TP.
I'm sorry to read about your husband's diagnosis but I'm glad you've found TP. You post reminded me so much of the early days of my husband's diagnosis. I remember the mixture of sadness and anger. As LadyA says the future we looked forward to has been stolen.
This is the place to share your thoughts, questions, worries and concerns. There's always someone here to listen. If need be you can just have a good rant and get things off your chest.
Looking forward to seeing you around.
I'm sorry to read about your husband's diagnosis but I'm glad you've found TP. You post reminded me so much of the early days of my husband's diagnosis. I remember the mixture of sadness and anger. As LadyA says the future we looked forward to has been stolen.
This is the place to share your thoughts, questions, worries and concerns. There's always someone here to listen. If need be you can just have a good rant and get things off your chest.
Looking forward to seeing you around.
Hi Linda,
Your situation sounds very similar to my own. I could have written your post.
I too find the situation makes me angry and resentful, sometimes I feel he is having me on
and then sense prevails and I know its the ill ness not him trying to be difficult. I always try to be positive with him and only discuss pleasant things with him, but if I'm tired I find my patience wears very thin, especially when he wakes me 3 or 4 times in the night and says "is that you shirl". My reply in my head if "of course its me who the H. else would it be", but I just say yes and get back into bed its still the middle of the night. Keep using this site if only to get things off your chest, I find everyone very supportive and its good to know we are one of a band of amazing people who cope with whatever is thrown at us. Sending a big hug to both of you.
Shirl x
Your situation sounds very similar to my own. I could have written your post.
I too find the situation makes me angry and resentful, sometimes I feel he is having me on
and then sense prevails and I know its the ill ness not him trying to be difficult. I always try to be positive with him and only discuss pleasant things with him, but if I'm tired I find my patience wears very thin, especially when he wakes me 3 or 4 times in the night and says "is that you shirl". My reply in my head if "of course its me who the H. else would it be", but I just say yes and get back into bed its still the middle of the night. Keep using this site if only to get things off your chest, I find everyone very supportive and its good to know we are one of a band of amazing people who cope with whatever is thrown at us. Sending a big hug to both of you.
Shirl x
Sorry Linda realised I'd lost part of my message to u. Rod now needs showing how to do simple tasks i.e. taking out the rubbish to re-cycle or helping with the washing up (which he used to do unprompted) I persevere with this as I feel it helps him feel involved and useful, but I must admit sometimes I wonder if its better to leave him to catnap on the sofa! Does you o.h. still help sometimes?
Hi Linda - welcome.
My wife is not far off 67 (like myself) and was diagnosed with FTD nearly 4 years ago.
Like most people on this forum, I have tried my damnedest to keep life as "normal" as possible but I have had to learn to do all the things she used to do (or we used to share doing). As she stopped doing things, I resented it at first but I have become resigned to just getting on with each and every task, as needed. This has included personal care as she has slowly become incontinent.
If you'd have told me 4 years ago what I would be taking on, I would have said "no way" but it's surprising just how much you can cope with - never ever thought I'd be able to operate the washing machine, let alone the damned oven!
And yes, my retirement has been well and truly stolen! I had taken an early-leaver opportunity at work, (at 59) with vague plans of us doing more travelling etc. Looking back, the early signs of what was to come, appeared not long after. Life can be so cruel.
Best wishes.
Phil
My wife is not far off 67 (like myself) and was diagnosed with FTD nearly 4 years ago.
Like most people on this forum, I have tried my damnedest to keep life as "normal" as possible but I have had to learn to do all the things she used to do (or we used to share doing). As she stopped doing things, I resented it at first but I have become resigned to just getting on with each and every task, as needed. This has included personal care as she has slowly become incontinent.
If you'd have told me 4 years ago what I would be taking on, I would have said "no way" but it's surprising just how much you can cope with - never ever thought I'd be able to operate the washing machine, let alone the damned oven!
And yes, my retirement has been well and truly stolen! I had taken an early-leaver opportunity at work, (at 59) with vague plans of us doing more travelling etc. Looking back, the early signs of what was to come, appeared not long after. Life can be so cruel.
Best wishes.
Phil
Hi Linda, welcome to talking point, I can totally sympathise with you as what you go through with this cruel disease is hard to talk about with other people who are not directly involved in the day to day issues which arise, there times when you feel like screaming out. I have found much support from my husband’s mental health team and also we have a local Carers association which I cannot live without, maybe there is one near you, the mental health team put me in touch with them, maybe worth asking them? I have just recently joined this forum and have found things mentioned which I had thought was only affecting me,but, it helps to know that other Carers also are going through these things and their advice can help a great deal and lifts your spirits as emotions are raw, good luck with your future and keep in touch on this forum
I’m another one who can hardly believe what I’m coping with - reluctantly. My husband is 84 and I’m 73. He’s a pleasant polite person with zero memory so not only can he not remember what happened five minutes ago but that means he cannot finish any task and cannot finish a conversation.
We’ve been managing better recently but in the last few days he’s had a downturn so we’re back to really crazy behaviour which stresses me to bits. No infection just progress of dementia.
I’d love to be positive as that’s my true nature but frankly this whole set up stinks.
What an illness - they tell us it’s a social problem but what other illness causes the widespread issues that this does through the whole family? We all suffer.
Welcome to the site Linda, You will be able to find good bits of info on here as well as being able to let Of a little steam when it all becomes too much.
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