Husband no longer recognises me.
- Thread starter Bedar15
- Start date
I am so sorry. My beloved has Alzheimer's and ceased to recognize me during and after the separation imposed by Covid-19. When I tell him my name, he says that was his wife's name. So, I just keep telling him that I am the one who is his wife. I make funny faces at him to make him laugh and tell him stories of when we were younger. Just keep talking and try to keep smiling and laughing. Somewhere inside he knows.
Hello he will comeback then go off this is how the disease is.
I recently have my mom confusing me with carers etc or her telling me about Mr.
I do correct her and she then laughs.
I always greet Dad by saying “hello my Dad”. He often then responds “hello my daughter / darling”. (Sometimes “hello my son”). I feel this helps him put me into perspective. He’s registered blind as well as having advanced dementia so it would be hard for him to recognise me without the prompt. He hasn’t really used my name for a while but sometimes he will suddenly say “are you alright Phil” so I feel he definitely does know me even though it’s hard for him to demonstrate it.
My wife sometimes calls me by name, sometimes says I am Dad and other times may not be able to place me at all. This has been so since before she went into full time care in May 2019. When I visit the care staff say "Here's K".
Not being recognised no longer bothers me. Although she doesn't always know me - much less find the correct name - she seems pleased to see me. She is comfortable enough in my presence to allow me to hold her hand, brush her hair, or tickle her feet. That will do for me.
Recognition involves a complex set of verbal , visual and tactile clues. The ability to process these is lost as dementia progresses. Yet, even when there is no reaction to one's presence, just being together can be of benefit both to the person with dementia and oneself.
Not being recognised no longer bothers me. Although she doesn't always know me - much less find the correct name - she seems pleased to see me. She is comfortable enough in my presence to allow me to hold her hand, brush her hair, or tickle her feet. That will do for me.
Recognition involves a complex set of verbal , visual and tactile clues. The ability to process these is lost as dementia progresses. Yet, even when there is no reaction to one's presence, just being together can be of benefit both to the person with dementia and oneself.
Hi,
My husband, in his fifties, with many health issues, including being disabled with Multiple Sclerosis and having dementia, doesn’t always know who I am.
Sometimes, I am a worker or the person that does everything for him or even sometimes he tells me that I “died” years ago!
Occasionally, he tells me that his wife had light hair, mine is starting to go darker and grey!
A little while later, he calls me by my name and knows exactly who I am!
My husband, in his fifties, with many health issues, including being disabled with Multiple Sclerosis and having dementia, doesn’t always know who I am.
Sometimes, I am a worker or the person that does everything for him or even sometimes he tells me that I “died” years ago!
Occasionally, he tells me that his wife had light hair, mine is starting to go darker and grey!
A little while later, he calls me by my name and knows exactly who I am!
My mum and dad are in their 80’s and my mum isn’t coping very well with stuff like dad calling her his auntie E; he phoned me and says there’s a lady been here all day do you think I should call the police. We go through -does he feel safe; she’s not doing any harm - leave it for a while and when I come over later we’ll see if she’s still there and talk about what to do. That works but not for my mum - anyone any thoughts to help mum- sometimes she corrects him, that makes him worse; sometimes she goes along with it. We’ve talked about the misidentification. And why but she’s still very upset about it
Welcome to the forum @scsw . It sounds as if you are doing all of the right things to support your parents. I wondered if this thread would be of any help -
forum.alzheimers.org.uk
Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired
The following piece was posted a while ago on DSF and made a big impression on me. It is something I have referred to time after time and tried hard to follow. We have many new members who may not have seen it before. Yesterday I posted it on another Thread but thought it might be helpful if...
forum.alzheimers.org.uk
You are doing the right thing with your dad and the compassionate communication advice ie excellent.
When my dad started having hallucinations and delusions I too tried to correct him and it only ended up making things worse. He became agitated and aggressive, accusing me and my sister of not taking him seriously, telling him he must be dreaming, telling us that we needed to call the police.
Now when my dad tells me about the people getting in to his house at night, the people in the tv that talk to him and can see him and the children that come through the hole in the wall and show him how they look after all the animals I engage with it and then try to change the subject. This was he is not getting too distressed and he is happy in his own little world. Keeping him safe and happy are my main priorities.
I think it important to remember that they may not remember you by name and may confuse you with other members of the family, but they will always remember how you make them feel. So if your relationship has, on the whole, been happy and carefree that will be their memory of you and should nearly always produce a smile.
