7 weeks ago I made the hardest decision to move my husband into a care home. He is 64 and has PCA dementia and I’m 48 and still working. The last year has seen a real progression, he’s now registered severely sighted, has incontinence issues and at nighttime it got to the point where he was getting up most nights between 10-25 times. I had to be signed off sick from work with stress and lack of sleep and I just can’t carry on caring for him at home.
He initially seemed to settle well into the home, not asking if he was coming home or saying he didn’t like it. But the past 2 weeks he has been displaying anger and frustration towards some of the care home staff and my visits have been hard. He doesn’t want to be there and today cried and said he didn’t want to go back to the home (even though we were already in his room at the time). When I leave I feel terrible and have to sneak out so it doesn’t upset him.
I know I can’t have hI’m home, I’ve just gone back to work and his care assessment and all health care professionals say he needs 24 hour care which I can’t provide and he didn’t have capacity to make his own descision when they did the mental capacity assessment. When he was diagnosed we did discuss this stage and he never wanted me to do caring when it got to this stage and he definitely didn’t want me making myself ill trying to carry on.
I think the main issue is boredom as he is the youngest resident and the activiites they do aren’t age appropriate. It’s very hard to find things for him to do due to his vision problems. I’ve contacted the home to discuss this as he needs activities for his age and he needs to get out more, walking etc
I dread visiting and I’m finding it all overwhelming. Would be good to hear from others in similar situations, I’m hoping things may settle again as I just hate thinking about him being unhappy.
He initially seemed to settle well into the home, not asking if he was coming home or saying he didn’t like it. But the past 2 weeks he has been displaying anger and frustration towards some of the care home staff and my visits have been hard. He doesn’t want to be there and today cried and said he didn’t want to go back to the home (even though we were already in his room at the time). When I leave I feel terrible and have to sneak out so it doesn’t upset him.
I know I can’t have hI’m home, I’ve just gone back to work and his care assessment and all health care professionals say he needs 24 hour care which I can’t provide and he didn’t have capacity to make his own descision when they did the mental capacity assessment. When he was diagnosed we did discuss this stage and he never wanted me to do caring when it got to this stage and he definitely didn’t want me making myself ill trying to carry on.
I think the main issue is boredom as he is the youngest resident and the activiites they do aren’t age appropriate. It’s very hard to find things for him to do due to his vision problems. I’ve contacted the home to discuss this as he needs activities for his age and he needs to get out more, walking etc
I dread visiting and I’m finding it all overwhelming. Would be good to hear from others in similar situations, I’m hoping things may settle again as I just hate thinking about him being unhappy.