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Hubby diagnosed this week and I’m so sad.

Pansy1950

Registered User
Feb 2, 2019
17
Hi Everyone
Hubby was finally diagnosed this week with early Alzheimer’s. He has had two tests at the memory clinic over two years and had been signed off last year with early memory loss. He had a brain scan two months ago which showed hardly any problem, but then this year’s memory test brought his 97 total in his test of last year down to 75 currently.
He has been prescribed Donepezil at lower dose and will return in two weeks for a review. He already takes Mirtazipine at 45mg. I’ve contacted DVLA etc and already have POA in place as I suspected we may have needed it.
Although I knew in my heart that something was very amiss, to have the diagnosis confirmed has made me feel quite ill. I just didn’t expect to crumble like this.
I am not letting him know I’m upset as he doesn’t seem to be upset himself but I’m finding the realisation very difficult. I will pull myself back together but I just wanted to reach out as it’s a scary place to be, as you all know.
Thanks for listening.
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,654
N Ireland
Hello @Pansy1950.

Some people with dementia have little or no knowledge of their situation and that may explain your husbands reaction.

You will be experiencing what is known as anticipatory grief (for the life lost, even though the person is still alive).

You are not alone here so keep posting and ask any question you like.

Please accept a virtual (((HUG)))
 

Pansy1950

Registered User
Feb 2, 2019
17
Hello @Pansy1950.

Some people with dementia have little or no knowledge of their situation and that may explain your husbands reaction.

You will be experiencing what is known as anticipatory grief (for the life lost, even though the person is still alive).

You are not alone here so keep posting and ask any question you like.

Please accept a virtual (((HUG)))
Thank you so much, Pete, for the quick reply. This is the sort of thing I needed, I think. Just to know I’m not the only one.
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,654
N Ireland
Thank you so much, Pete, for the quick reply. This is the sort of thing I needed, I think. Just to know I’m not the only one.
You aren't alone.

When my wife's diagnosis was delivered it was like being hit in the face with a frying pan - even though, like you, I had known for a while that something was amiss. I found getting busy with arranging wills, POA etc got me through the phase quite quickly. I know that you have done some of these things but I've no doubt you will get busy soon enough and I hope you get through the grief quickly.
 

Littlebear

Registered User
Jan 6, 2017
123
Devon
I remember my devastation & fear at my husband's diagnosis, even if it was expected, but the doctor told me to concentrate on the things we could still do and not to dwell on the things we couldn't. It was good advice & we had more than 4 years where we continued to travel extensively, socialise & live life to the fullest possible. Of course there were changes in how we did this but I'm pleased we made the most of those years & made precious memories even if it wasn't all plain sailing. It sounds as if you've done all the practical things which is good. Hopefully you still have years ahead which you will be able to enjoy together. My husband is still in denial about his condition & probably always will be.
 

Pansy1950

Registered User
Feb 2, 2019
17
I remember my devastation & fear at my husband's diagnosis, even if it was expected, but the doctor told me to concentrate on the things we could still do and not to dwell on the things we couldn't. It was good advice & we had more than 4 years where we continued to travel extensively, socialise & live life to the fullest possible. Of course there were changes in how we did this but I'm pleased we made the most of those years & made precious memories even if it wasn't all plain sailing. It sounds as if you've done all the practical things which is good. Hopefully you still have years ahead which you will be able to enjoy together. My husband is still in denial about his condition & probably always will be.
Thank you, Littlebear. Your reply has eased my mind a little.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
63,237
69
Dundee
I’m so sorry to read about your husband’s diagnosis. It’s so hard. I’m glad you’re able to share here. You’re amongst people who understand and can support you.
 

Lone Wolf

Registered User
Sep 20, 2020
57
Hi Everyone
Hubby was finally diagnosed this week with early Alzheimer’s. He has had two tests at the memory clinic over two years and had been signed off last year with early memory loss. He had a brain scan two months ago which showed hardly any problem, but then this year’s memory test brought his 97 total in his test of last year down to 75 currently.
He has been prescribed Donepezil at lower dose and will return in two weeks for a review. He already takes Mirtazipine at 45mg. I’ve contacted DVLA etc and already have POA in place as I suspected we may have needed it.
Although I knew in my heart that something was very amiss, to have the diagnosis confirmed has made me feel quite ill. I just didn’t expect to crumble like this.
I am not letting him know I’m upset as he doesn’t seem to be upset himself but I’m finding the realisation very difficult. I will pull myself back together but I just wanted to reach out as it’s a scary place to be, as you all know.
Thanks for listening.
Hello Pansy,
Very good advice from Littlebear & similar to my experience. My Ann & I were still able to travel frequently, even as far as Australia, for a couple of years after diagnosis. I would add that it is important not to delay dealing with medical issues such as chronic pain management or any necessary medical procedures - it is much easier before cognition becomes more impaired. And never assume that health professionals will have a good understanding of dementia - it is surprising how many don't. You will know & understand your husband better than anyone else, regardless of their qualifications & experience. If you are not naturally an assertive person, you will need to be assertive when dealing with the social and healthcare systems.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
72,104
Kent
I just wanted to reach out
You`ve come to the best place @Pansy1950. What you find yourself unable to share with your husband, you can share here with so many of us who have been where you sare now.

I think what most of us missed, when partners in loving relationships were diagnosed was the sharing.
 

Denjob

New member
Jul 6, 2020
2
Hi Everyone
Hubby was finally diagnosed this week with early Alzheimer’s. He has had two tests at the memory clinic over two years and had been signed off last year with early memory loss. He had a brain scan two months ago which showed hardly any problem, but then this year’s memory test brought his 97 total in his test of last year down to 75 currently.
He has been prescribed Donepezil at lower dose and will return in two weeks for a review. He already takes Mirtazipine at 45mg. I’ve contacted DVLA etc and already have POA in place as I suspected we may have needed it.
Although I knew in my heart that something was very amiss, to have the diagnosis confirmed has made me feel quite ill. I just didn’t expect to crumble like this.
I am not letting him know I’m upset as he doesn’t seem to be upset himself but I’m finding the realisation very difficult. I will pull myself back together but I just wanted to reach out as it’s a scary place to be, as you all know.
Thanks for listening.
Hi @Pansy1950, my heart goes out to you. I was in the same position as you over 3 years ago when my husband was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimers. It takes a long time to accept and I don't think I have 100% accepted yet, maybe 90%!. It is a hard journey. My husband was 61 when diagnosed. I just felt as if we had worked all our lives from being 15 and just as retirement was looming a massive curve ball arrived. I do try to think positive, however as we all know, some days that's easier to do than others. It has taken me this long to post on here although I do read some posts, so well done to you for reaching out.
 

Pansy1950

Registered User
Feb 2, 2019
17
Hello everyone
I can’t tell you how pleased I am that there are people out there who take the time to reply. Thank you all so very much, I don’t feel quite so panicked as I did yesterday.
 

Old Flopsy

Registered User
Sep 12, 2019
17
Hi Pansy- yes it takes time to get used to the diagnosis.

My hubby had no reaction when I showed him the letter detailing his diagnosis. When I asked him what he thought he said he was 'going down to see the doctor and sort him out for writing such lies!'. A year later and fortunately he has forgotten his intention to 'sort him out'- fortunately!