How to talk to your dad who has possible early Alzheimer's and is deaf about legal issues like power of attorney?

[Button77]

Hi everyone
My dad has suspected mild Alzheimer's disease. He is awaiting a proper diagnosis from a geriatrian. The local GP has made his diagnosis and started him on medication. He is 87 yes old. He is the most positive pleasant and humourous person he loves golf and his golf mates no longer want to play with him as he keeps having falls and they can't cope. He still doesn't know this. It's so sad because that's the only activity he has. My mum is 83 and is angry all the time with him and us her children. I'm trying to help as best I can but I love an hour away . One of my sister's lives next door but she doesn't have a great relationship with our mum they fight all the time. It's all very stressful. My sister was told by dad's gp to organise power of attorney
We don't know how to explain to our dad what this means and he's a very proud man so we don't want to upset him. Has anyone got any advise?

 

[SeaSwallow]

Hello @Button77 That is so sad that his mates no longer want to play golf with him due to the falls but I suppose that is sort of understandable as they would be worried about something happening to him. Is your dad a member of a particular golf club, if so it might be useful to speak to them to see if they have any special arrangements for people with dementia, I think that some do.

Regarding the POA it is a good idea to get this in place as soon as possible while your dad has capacity and the only way to do this is to discuss this with your dad. You could explain that it is useful to have in case of future medical issues and you could suggest that both your dad and mum arrange the POA's at the same time, that way he would not think that he was being singled out. You could also say that you are going to arrange one for yourself for future peace of mind.

 

[Bod]

@Button77
You may have to lay it on the line to him. If he becomes unable to to cope, who is going to help him?
How are the houshold finance's organised? Could mum take over seamlessly or not?
Would he accept a "joint" arrangement, where both he and mum made LPA's (with you as deputy attorney)

Bod

 

[Weasell]

I would use ‘ peer pressure’.
He will happily say ‘ no’ to you but may well host in front of his friends.
I would get two golf friends who are prepared to help with the LPA’s.
On the day of signing I would tell him Peter and Ben are coming around for coffee this morning.
I agree that get mums done at the same time.
I would choose to be sole attorney, but that’s not essential.

Keep explanations very simple.
Wealth is needed so you can help pay bills if he is in hospital.
Health is so if he goes to hospital you can tell them he wants to come home, and they will listen to you.
Don’t labour the small print.

My tips are. keep paperwork in separate folders. There is lots of it and it’s easy to muddle. Print out at least three copies of the signature sheet. That way when someone says ‘ I’ve done it wrong’ you whip out a replacement. And buy a nice cake.

 

[LizzyBee]

My dad wouldn't listen either, I'm applying for Deputyship now as he wouldn't do POA and has deteriorated to the point that he doesn't understand what it is.

 

[canary]

My dad wouldn't listen either, I'm applying for Deputyship now as he wouldn't do POA and has deteriorated to the point that he doesn't understand what it is.

Im afraid that happened to my mum too and I had to apply for deputyship.
I wish she had agreed to POA

 

[Mumlikesflowers]

Hello @Button77 That is so sad that his mates no longer want to play golf with him due to the falls but I suppose that is sort of understandable as they would be worried about something happening to him. Is your dad a member of a particular golf club, if so it might be useful to speak to them to see if they have any special arrangements for people with dementia, I think that some do.

Regarding the POA it is a good idea to get this in place as soon as possible while your dad has capacity and the only way to do this is to discuss this with your dad. You could explain that it is useful to have in case of future medical issues and you could suggest that both your dad and mum arrange the POA's at the same time, that way he would not think that he was being singled out. You could also say that you are going to arrange one for yourself for future peace of mind.

I think @SeaSwallow has this about right. First step is to get a good understanding yourself of how it all works. I'm assuming your sibling or other siblings too will want to be on there.

It's easy to get confused between completing the documents and someone taking over someone else's affairs. Once the documents are completed and registered, you'll still need to get them certified for them to be valid. So it's not a comment on Dad now or can be framed less as this, it's a 'let's get things ready'.

 

[Sarasa]

I agree with @Weasell , that getting a friend on board to talk to your dad about what a good idea POA that might be the way to go. My mum agreed when a friend of hers (without me prompting) told her it was something she should have. You could also point out that it is a 'just in case' thing if he was taken ill, rather than something he needs this minute.